At the end of the pandemic, maybe a new start?

[ArbeeNYC]

I'm not how accurate "most of us" is. I know a few people who would agree, certainly! However, I know more who are happily in a couple and who dance to get out of the house, be social, move their body, and – well – dance. Encountering the opposite sex is more of a side effect than a goal. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fine, but those couples are also "couples". Readers here always seem to assume I am speaking about sex or implying that that's the goal. I'm not.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

As a younger lead in nyc I’d say tango is probably the worst dance for that and not a great hobby for that in general.

I know couples who have met and gotten married through the local tango scene.

 

[Brummbaer]

The beauty of tango is the beauty of dancing closely with a stranger. Without ulterior motives.

It's easy to forget that there's a 'social' side beyond a brief dance encounter. Strangers become friends. You can dance; you can sit out and discuss the world; you can watch and enjoy a 'performance', if those are available. But every situation differs.

 

[tangoing]

I know couples who have met and gotten married through the local tango scene.

I do too, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s a very inefficient way to get into a relationship (casual or serious) compared to other dances or activities. I mean just look at all the posts about elitism/snobbery or not getting dances etc and that being a very tango-esque thing compared to other dances.

 

[itwillhappen]

I do too, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s a very inefficient way to get into a relationship (casual or serious) compared to other dances or activities. I mean just look at all the posts about elitism/snobbery or not getting dances etc and that being a very tango-esque thing compared to other dances.

Maybe, but due to the shortage of male leaders here from the very first tango class I was embraced by quite attractive women, long before the first milonga.

And if we look at the milongas, then the participants have long since made their efforts, that's irrelevant for the effectiveness of a possible partner search there.

 

[itwillhappen]

I've seen references to traditional codigos about keeping in lanes, and also about 'no knives'. I don't expect to have that type of problem in the rural village hall (more likely a problem with heating or water leaking); I might have more complex problems with attendees in the metropolis, and it might vary depending on the local culture. Spell it out if needed, and educate attendees, or inform them politely, or eject them, but I'd still summarise that as respecting other dancers.

All of these tango rules do not exist on their own, but reflect the external circumstances. As circumstances change, so do the rules. Even something like "men lead, women follow" can easily change when society changes, but the latter is not easy, takes time and is not without counter-reactions.

 

[itwillhappen]

I'm not how accurate "most of us" is. I know a few people who would agree, certainly! However, I know more who are happily in a couple and who dance to get out of the house, be social, move their body, and – well – dance. Encountering the opposite sex is more of a side effect than a goal. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

One will see ... in how cliques emerge, in how events with registration are advertised and awarded, whether general satisfaction spreads.
I think what people say is more or less irrelevant on a topic like this, it's about how they behave.

 

[tangoing]

Maybe, but due to the shortage of male leaders here from the very first tango class I was embraced by quite attractive women, long before the first milonga.

And if we look at the milongas, then the participants have long since made their efforts, that's irrelevant for the effectiveness of a possible partner search there.

Not sure what you mean by the participants at a milonga have long since made their efforts making the partner search effectiveness being irrelevant.
Tons of beginners don’t even go due to how intimidating it is, or they go and have a bad time (probably due to not getting dances). Thus reinforcing my point tango isn’t a very efficient hobby if the main goal is for dating (from the point of view of a younger male lead in an environment that leans on the older side).

 

[opendoor]

...I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s a very inefficient way to get into a relationship..

But there are people for whom it is the only possible way. Take me for example, I'm not athletic, old, have a time-consuming job, have no money, I'm divorced, have three children who I still support. With the alternatives you described as easier and more effective, a woman would never have taken me. But I've been very successful in tango for over 20 years, both in terms of affairs and long-term relationships. And I've found exactly the kind of women I like, slim, attractive, intellectual.

 

[itwillhappen]

But there are people for whom it is the only possible way. Take me for example, I'm not athletic, old, have a time-consuming job, have no money, I'm divorced, have three children who I still support. With the alternatives you described as easier and more effective, a woman would never have taken me. But I've been very successful in tango for over 20 years, both in terms of affairs and long-term relationships. And I've found exactly the kind of women I like, slim, attractive, intellectual.

It's almost the same for me - only I have two children, 7 years and now more money through an inheritance.

And so I just now lie by the pool in the sun at the Canary Islands until the international tango jet set flies in to dance at an a week long event. Gender balanced, in close embrace and with frequent partner changes, literally signed when registering. So no one can excuse themselves that they just want to somehow move to the music a bit.

 

[JournalInTime]

But there are people for whom it is the only possible way.

I completely believe and accept that! My remark was:

I'm not how accurate "most of us" is. I know a few people who would agree, certainly! However, I know more who [dance for other reasons].

I don't believe that people for whom tango is the only possible way to encounter whomever they hope to encounter in life are "most of us." I believe that "most of us" are looking to encounter other tango dancers in order to dance, talk, learn, and appreciate tango. There are definitely people for whom that's a secondary goal or not a goal at all, and that's fine as long as it doesn't disrupt things for the majority who are there to dance.

And yes, disruption does happen. Just last night, some guy who was clearly on the prowl for a girlfriend was "babysitting" a tanguera I know who wasn't interested, both wasting her time and blocking invitations to dance. That was creepy and wrong. People out to meet dancers for reasons other than dancing should show some social intelligence and back off when the person in front of them is clearly out to meet dancers for dancing. The ones who aren't there mainly to dance advertise the fact clearly enough, so they should play among themselves.

 

[opendoor]

Enjoy, itwillhappen !

 

[opendoor]

...People out to meet dancers for reasons other than dancing should show some social intelligence and..

Anything too obvious turns you off. I was never actively looking, it paid off. I was part of the community. The girls could also see me in daylight or at private invitations. The character you meet at milongas is mostly played and fake.

 

[itwillhappen]

I think between "I want to move to the music, whether it's with a man or a woman" and "I'm looking for a one night stand, this night" there is a wide range of human interactions.

 

[Brummbaer]

I think between "I want to move to the music, whether it's with a man or a woman" and "I'm looking for a one night stand, this night" there is a wide range of human interactions.

And a whole load of tangential activities...