At the end of the pandemic, maybe a new start?

Concretely: I mentioned that I'd been invited to private events. I've turned them all down. I know without any doubt that I'm being judged for that . . . People are having a hard time understanding why, when there is very little risk to dancing outdoors, I'm turning them down. I'm explaining why, but they're hearing "I don't like your event," "I don't like you," or (in the case of followers, two in particular) "I don't want to dance with you."

I just hope that at least some tango people are grown-up enough not to do that.
 
JournalInTime said:
Concretely: I mentioned that I'd been invited to private events. I've turned them all down. I know without any doubt that I'm being judged for that . . . People are having a hard time understanding why, when there is very little risk to dancing outdoors, I'm turning them down. I'm explaining why, but they're hearing "I don't like your event," "I don't like you," or (in the case of followers, two in particular) "I don't want to dance with you."

I just hope that at least some tango people are grown-up enough not to do that.
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There are some events in life that just tell you that certain people aren't worth being friends with. If people don't respect, "my partner and I are being extra cautious because of some underlying health conditions", I lose a lot of respect for them.
 
David_D said:
There are some events in life that just tell you that certain people aren't worth being friends with. If people don't respect, "my partner and I are being extra cautious because of some underlying health conditions", I lose a lot of respect for them.
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Oh, you're 100% correct, and that's how I've quietly filed these responses in my head.

My philosophy in life has always been along the lines of, "Anybody who asks me to choose between them and some other person, activity, belief, or whatever has already made the choice for me: I'm not choosing them." That has always gone double when it has been a choice between the person asking and my life partner – and I regard not respecting my choice after the fact even if they didn't ask as the same as having asked in the first place and not liked my answer.

But while this helps me be less annoyed, it can't dispel 100% of the disappointment.
 
Brummbaer said:
The emerging data seems to me to be a requirement for caution at the moment. I don't think you have as many delta variant infections as us (we're 90+% and rising), but there's some speculation that a fleeting contact, or breathing in when someone close is breathing out (e.g. less than a tanda-time) may be sufficient to infect, although obviously the vaccine mitigates the impact. I'd emphasise that was someone's speculation on how some people became infected and not proven. OK, unless you become the statistic.
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I think it has been proven that at least in individual cases an infection with Delta is also possible "en passant".
But like I said, once I have some immunity, I'll do my best not to lose it again by not dancing with an infected dancer for too long. So I've booked an encuentro in Belgium for August...
 
JournalInTime said:
Concretely: I mentioned that I'd been invited to private events. I've turned them all down. I know without any doubt that I'm being judged for that . . . People are having a hard time understanding why, when there is very little risk to dancing outdoors, I'm turning them down. I'm explaining why, but they're hearing "I don't like your event," "I don't like you," or (in the case of followers, two in particular) "I don't want to dance with you."

I just hope that at least some tango people are grown-up enough not to do that.
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I'm in the fortunate situation that i don't know what others are really thinking, for example whether they want to criticize or teach or motivate me. And so either we both nod and dance ... or we don't.

And I'm pretty sure that half of the cases where we don't dance are based on misunderstandings in the past. And the other half just don't want to dance with me, for whatever reason, like I have my reasons. But the chances of untangling this are not really good.
 
JournalInTime said:
Concretely: I mentioned that I'd been invited to private events. I've turned them all down. I know without any doubt that I'm being judged for that . . . People are having a hard time understanding why, when there is very little risk to dancing outdoors, I'm turning them down. I'm explaining why, but they're hearing "I don't like your event," "I don't like you," or (in the case of followers, two in particular) "I don't want to dance with you."

I just hope that at least some tango people are grown-up enough not to do that.
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I have been careful to phrase it when inviting people to do things that there's no obligation if they are not comfortable with the pandemic situation, since I was being cautious myself during the winter.

itwillhappen said:
And I'm pretty sure that half of the cases where we don't dance are based on misunderstandings in the past. And the other half just don't want to dance with me, for whatever reason, like I have my reasons. But the chances of untangling this are not really good.
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Just to add to the confusion and misunderstandings, I've forgotten a lot of faces, names and identities. They usually remember me...
 
Rabbit said:
Just to add to the confusion and misunderstandings, I've forgotten a lot of faces, names and identities. They usually remember me...
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I'm really bad at that. At the last milonga there sat a lady I didn't know, and sat, quite attractive, I thought I should give her a chance. And she was nice, said we had danced before, but she had learned a lot in the meantime.

Meanwhile I thought: "What the hell is going on here, she notices a mirada from a difficult position, can go backwards steadily, enjoys to be underchallenged, compensates my little musical weaknesses at Pugliese."
Well, a friend later explained to me that she is now the partner of a tango teacher from the neighboring town.
 
itwillhappen said:
And I'm pretty sure that half of the cases where we don't dance are based on misunderstandings in the past. And the other half just don't want to dance with me, for whatever reason, like I have my reasons. But the chances of untangling this are not really good.
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Same. I think I just have an off-putting face or maybe an annoying voice. Probably I’m not as good as some of the newer dancers. Maybe they don’t like the way I breathe. Whatever the reason they’re not obliged to dance with me and vice versa.

I know that at one stage there was an unfair rumour that I was snobby and only wanted to dance with X, Y and Z. I’m just shy and find the whole eye contact thing difficult. That kind of misunderstanding takes too much effort to untangle.
 
Tangogal said:
I know that at one stage there was an unfair rumour that I was snobby and only wanted to dance with X, Y and Z. I’m just shy and find the whole eye contact thing difficult. That kind of misunderstanding takes too much effort to untangle.
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But what is fair, what is unfair in this context?
I would consider deliberate slander unfair.

I was on a practica/low key milonga yesterday, as planned together with an ex-girlfriend and a tanguero buddy at the table.
So my ex-girlfriend had virtually free access to 100% of the "close embrace capacities" there, which of course she enjoyed a lot. Since we also had a lot to talk about, I had two tandas left for others.
Was that fair? It was just like it was.
 
itwillhappen said:
But what is fair, what is unfair in this context?
I would consider deliberate slander unfair.

I was on a practica/low key milonga yesterday, as planned together with an ex-girlfriend and a tanguero buddy at the table.
So my ex-girlfriend had virtually free access to 100% of the "close embrace capacities" there, which of course she enjoyed a lot. Since we also had a lot to talk about, I had two tandas left for others.
Was that fair? It was just like it was.
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I will absolutely and always advocate for choice. If you choose to only dance with your companion that’s acceptable and fair.

If you choose not to dance with Miss T because she has a bad attitude - that’s your choice to make based on your opinion. However it’s unfair to share that opinion or spread gossip to that effect.
 
This is not the end of pandemic but a highlight! Chicho will be in town as in the old times . . .
The weekend 6-8 of August Chicho and Juana are coming to Stockholm for a festival weekend. There will be 10 hours of ws, a practica and a milonga with booked spaces. There is a huge waiting list . . . .
 
Tangogal said:
If you choose not to dance with Miss T because she has a bad attitude - that’s your choice to make based on your opinion. However it’s unfair to share that opinion or spread gossip to that effect.
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All well and good, but where is the line?
One of my goals for the "new start" is to communicate more with other tangueros than to concentrate on tangueras.
And if, like yesterday, I drive to and from a milonga for an hour with a mate, then we definitely exchange opinions... :cool:
 
TTanguero said:
Perhaps the difference between fact and opinion?

"Tried to cabeceo her a couple of times but she didn't respond – didn't nod, didn't look away"
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I think that is also not a fact but a point of view.
But we talked more about the tangueras we danced with than the ones we didn't dance with.
What kind of facts could be relevant there?
 
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