Big Event How to Ask

[Tango Distance]

2023 will be the year Tango Distance does his first out-of-state festival. In my little area, and even when I have traveled to major cities, the events tend to be small, probably most often 10 to 30 people. My largest event had maybe 50 dancers.

I'll be in a room with 100s of dancers, and almost all of them unknown to me. What strategies do you leaders have? How often do you "rescue" ladies from your area who are having a dry spell? Here are a few thoughts/questions:

• Look for a follower with "the uniform" (Tango shoes, knee length dress)
• What is the greatest distance you'll try cabeceo?
• Do you do a "walkeceo" or change seats each tanda to strive for spatial diversity?

Thanks for helping educate someone still learning.

BTW, I'm not worried about my dear wife, she will likely dance every tanda, even if there are twice as many women as men.

 

[opendoor]

I always went to big festivals with my girl friend. In this respect, there always was a certain couple dynamic. She wanted to draw from the full and dance without limits. I preferred to sit in the corner of the couch and network with interesting people. But of course I was always available when she couldn't dance non-stop. And this situation happened again and again. This is how my girlfriend often developed envy and jealousy and a feeling of dependency. And I had to endure and to compensate these feelings. She just didn't want to be "rescued" by me, but had to experience it all over.

 

[Brummbaer]

First, are there any codigos requested, or required by the hosts?

It is better if you're there with a partner; you can have an expected initial tanda(s) and then relax to read the room, i.e observe what others do, or just do your own thing.

Second, it depends if you're picky (selective) over partners and/or music. If you are, then you've immediately limited your choices. Go and get a drink. Stop and talk, and maybe ask (Would you really cabeceo someone you're already talking to?)

Basic cabeceo/mirada where you, and your prospective partner, can see and be seen may be workable. It's a safe option. If it's not working for you, it's time to change something if you want tandas (good statistical strategy!). In some circumstances (many reasons discussed, e.g. beginner) some may not want to dance with you. If it is working, then continue until either you're exhausted, or possibilities are exhausted, and move on.

If not working, move on. Sit somewhere else. The walkaceo? Is your wife in a group of others? Get involved (somehow) and request someone there somehow. It's socialising! Look out for a cabeceo yourself if you want to dance.

There's already been much discussion on perceived tradition and cabeceo/mirada, not forgetting the vision issues of distance in a darkened room. Refer back and use whatever is appropriate in the circumstances.

If uncertain, Keep It Simple. You really may not be able to lead that great move yet.

Rescue? If you're minded to, whatever might work, preferably without being obvious you're trying to 'rescue' someone. Of course they might just be a great tango dancer who can't find anyone to suit their skills and is just sitting out!

 

[opendoor]

..with 100s of dancers, and almost all of them unknown to me...

I don't know if there can be a uniform strategy, we're all made up differently. For me, dancing was never the focus of a festival, but for others it was very much. Also, it makes a difference whether you show up as a couple or single. And how does the couple act? Do you keep an eye on each other, do you hold hands, or do you go separate ways? (Compare my first post). What expectations do you have of the other festival visitors? I personally have always arranged to meet DFers or FBers in advance. But I also tend to be cliquy (? or cliquish, whats the better expression)

 

[Brummbaer]

I don't know if there can be a uniform strategy, we're all made up differently.

There's no standard strategy that works for anyone's diverse objectives. The only common feature is requesting a dance, which comes down to whatever goes and works at that venue with that group.

I guess the first thing is to define your personal objectives, and maybe that also involves your partner, or even finding one.

It could be:

• To have tandas with better dancers.
• To dance tandas with specific orchestras.
• To avoid particular orchestras, dancers, styles
• To dance as many tandas with as many different partners as possible
• ...

Then to work out how to meet those objectives.

 

[JournalInTime]

I don't get to many faraway festivals, but there are several where I live, and even "ordinary" balls and bigger milongas can have "hundreds of dancers," mostly not from here.

• Look for a follower with "the uniform" (Tango shoes, knee length dress)

Overrated. Look for a follower who dances well, creating her own energy, not using her partner as a pole or barre, not waiting around for an aggressive lead to move, etc. She might be in jeans and dance sneakers – in fact, dancers confident enough not to wear "the uniform" are often that way because they're good.

• What is the greatest distance you'll try cabeceo?

I've succeeded at about 10-12 metres, with good lines of sight. Beyond that, I can't make it work. At most events, half that is about all you get before someone is in the way.

• Do you do a "walkeceo" or change seats each tanda to strive for spatial diversity?

I refuse to walk up and ask, extend a hand, get in someone's face, etc. . . . but if the person I want to dance with is outside my reliable cabeceo range, I walk closer before trying.

 

[JournalInTime]

It is better if you're there with a partner; you can have an expected initial tanda(s) and then relax to read the room, i.e observe what others do, or just do your own thing.

I find this best for all kinds of tango events of all sizes. Arriving with a partner ensures you'll get to dance, which early on gives you the opportunity to demonstrate that you can dance, and what style you prefer. It also makes you seem less desperate or creepy in the eyes of many. Finally, it gives you an "out" if you end up in an awkward situation: "Oh, sorry, I promised this tanda to my partner," "Ah, my partner is looking for me," etc.

If uncertain, Keep It Simple. You really may not be able to lead that great move yet.

Always excellent advice. Showing off at a big event with lots of people, more of whom are mathematically likely to be better than you, is unwise. Better to be boring but confident and respectful than showy but unstable or dangerous.

 

[itwillhappen]

How often do you "rescue" ladies from your area who are having a dry spell?

At the first festivals back then, I had to learn that the women I knew were there to dance with better dancers than me, not to get rescued by me. Not a pleasant realization, but helpful.

Even in these days I try to look at the situation realistically - even unpleasant insights help me to move forward. On the third day of an event I wasn't feeling really well there and on the way back I visited a local milonga. With the punch I had built up beforehand, I danced excellently there!

 

[ArbeeNYC]

I'll be in a room with 100s of dancers, and almost all of them unknown to me. What strategies do you leaders have? How often do you "rescue" ladies from your area who are having a dry spell? Here are a few thoughts/questions:

Hmm. I've danced in larger rooms locally. It's not a big deal. However, it's often much harder to find people and can be harder to cabeceo someone (sightlines may be blocked). Other than that, if your floorcraft is good, you should be fine. Not sure about the "rescue" part though, most of the good/better followers don't have dry spells.

 

[Tango Newbie]

2023 will be the year Tango Distance does his first out-of-state festival. In my little area, and even when I have traveled to major cities, the events tend to be small, probably most often 10 to 30 people. My largest event had maybe 50 dancers.

I'll be in a room with 100s of dancers, and almost all of them unknown to me. What strategies do you leaders have? How often do you "rescue" ladies from your area who are having a dry spell? Here are a few thoughts/questions:

• Look for a follower with "the uniform" (Tango shoes, knee length dress)
• What is the greatest distance you'll try cabeceo?
• Do you do a "walkeceo" or change seats each tanda to strive for spatial diversity?

Thanks for helping educate someone still learning.

BTW, I'm not worried about my dear wife, she will likely dance every tanda, even if there are twice as many women as men.

Happy New Years!
My girlfriend and I usually have discussions about a milonga or festival beforehand (who we might see, how long we'll stay, how much we want to dance with others, who we do or don't want to dance with, steps we want to execute, etc.). We arrive together, sit together, and tend to dance a bulk of the milonga with each other. And most 'couples' in our community tend to do the same.

Sure, we dance with others, and I make it a point to dance with followers 'stranded' in a dry spell (usually at my GF's urging) and a few other 'single' followers. However, we don't need to do any strategizing on 'positioning' (where to sit) in the studio so we can get dances with others. In fact, like your dear wife, my GF will get a few guys early-on who'll ask her (after we've danced a couple tandas), and doesn't have problems with lots of leaders wanting to dance with her throughout the evening, especially if I step away for a restroom break, or refreshments.

What can be a little frustrating for me is we'll sit down after a tanda and decide we'll sit the next one out, only to have a leader (someone we typically know) come over and ask her to dance. Being cordial, she accepts (not especially thrilled about it), leaving me high-and-dry without a suitable follower to cabeceo. Yeah, I know, she could tell them she wants to sit it out (rest), but she also doesn't want to come off as a prude or anti-social either. I don't like having to do a 'last minute cabeceo' to the left-over followers because it makes me feel desperate and don't want to embarrass them or myself.

But, here are my 'takes' on your questions.

• Yes, I now only stick to followers in the 'tango uniform' (dress, shoes), but have a specific height range I prefer.
• I cabeceo in a relative short distance to where I'm seated and will only cabeceo about halfway up the dance floor, ignoring the far side.
• We don't change seats much, and I have done a "walkeceo" before, using an excuse to go to the refreshment area so I could get a better view of potential partners (especially if I know I'll need to seek one if my partner is dancing with someone else).

Good luck!

 

[Tango Distance]

I guess the first thing is to define your personal objectives, and maybe that also involves your partner, or even finding one.

It could be:

• To have tandas with better dancers.
• To dance tandas with specific orchestras.
• To avoid particular orchestras, dancers, styles
• To dance as many tandas with as many different partners as possible
• ...

Then to work out how to meet those objectives.

I read your post and realized I'm vague on my goals! Here are a few:

• Start and finish the night with my dear wife (DW)
• Take care of DW if she is having a dry spell (highly unlikely!)
• Dance with DW if there is live music

It's pretty rare I do a 2nd Tanda with the same lady (DW excepted). For some reason, a 2nd tanda almost never seems to be as good as the 1st one. Maybe that's my personality (I like new challenges), or maybe it's a function of my Tango Distanceness (two tandas is being too close to someone?). Interestingly, this seems to be at odds with my high level of introversion. I actually do like to dance with newbies and visitors (this might be because my community is small). Some nights I don't dance much, some nights more, I'm definitely not a "have to dance every tanda" kind of person. My most fun dance nights have tended to be where I danced many tandas, with no repeats except for DW.

Here is a cut at some more goals consistent with that:

• Try to dance with a different follower each tanda (excepting DW)
• Try to dance milonga tandas with ladies who are fast
• If men are in short supply, take a break by skipping the 1st song of a tanda, rather than skipping a whole tanda.
• Slight prioritization on tall ladies, beginners, ladies sitting by themselves in the corner (fellow introverts), and ladies having a dry spell. Letting the tanda get underway before asking helps this, as the highly-in-demand followers are more likely asked, and the dry spell ones more likely available
• Try to perceive when ladies are trying to cabeceo me. I'm still not good at that and am surprised when ladies tell me after a milonga they were trying to cabeceo me and I was clueless.

OK, I think that is a bit of a game plan. Wait until the tanda is going, and work my way around the room (but don't just go down the row, that makes being asked less special for someone who realizes you are just moving down the row).

 

[Tango Distance]

TNiSD, thanks for your response. I met a lady at a recent milonga whose life goal is to have a man to share dance with -- we are lucky to have life partners to share such things (and hopefully they feel the same way!).

I don't like having to do a 'last minute cabeceo' to the left-over followers because it makes me feel desperate and don't want to embarrass them or myself.

From posts here on DF (and it is easy to imagine), ladies prefer getting asked for the whole tanda. However... they much prefer getting asked for the last 2 songs of a tanda than sitting! If your GF is dancing, that is a good chance to spread a little joy.

BTW, I do sympathize. I do like to plan ahead a bit and prefer to not have things suddenly thrown on me.

 

[Brummbaer]

OK, I think that is a bit of a game plan.

It's the old adage: a failure to plan is a plan to fail.

Plans also need to be change for the situation!

 

[opendoor]

..not have things suddenly thrown on me..

Although it is the appeal of the festival to be confronted with the big, wide world of tango. You are allowed to let yourself be overwhelmed. Get immersed, Tango D!
Coming from a university town, dancing at a festival was never important to me.
I was looking for the atmosphere, the colourfulness. The festival allowed me to be close to my stars and have privates with them. Exchanging addresses also was important for me, it made traveling much more easy. The orchestra performances interested me and also the latest fashion trends. Usually you can also try unknown shoe brands and exchange the last gossip with a glas of wine. All this made/makes the festival interesting.
Oh, I forgot one important aspect: the photographers. I always frantically browsed through the photo pages on FB after returning from a festival. When the tango community congratulates you on an iconic photo, that's nice. And with a photo like this you can perpetuate the mythos: and I was there.

 

[itwillhappen]

It's the old adage: a failure to plan is a plan to fail.

Plans also need to be change for the situation!

But I can also admit to myself that an unknown situation with unknown boundary conditions and especially with individuals cannot be planned. It may be enough to have a routine to retreat for a moment, to shake off the past and then move on.