Cabeceo and Other "Rules"

[opendoor]

Moot.. since discussion is about how much codigas are followed at a milonga..

Not at all, we opened the very big can. There are codigos in the narrower and broader sense. The latter contains everything from unwritten rules of propriety to pseudomoral statements about what is allowed music and what is not!

 

[Gssh]

My standard is the reflected and responsible citizen, but not the uncontrolled herd animal without drive control.

You will appreciate this:

I shall here omit any rules for dancing; as people who have had a good education will not want them; and practically know that must pay proper attention to the rules of the dance; that it is unbecoming to push themselves forward before their turn; that they must not squeeze the hands of a lady as if they were made of wood, nor drag their partners rudely along the room, etc. These and similar observations would be entirely needless, were it not that many young men lay the foundation of their temporal happiness, or ruin, by observing or neglecting such trifling rules.

Adolf Freiherr von Knigge, Practical Philosophy of Social Life (1788), American Translation (1805)

I tend to think of the explicitly verbalized / written down codigos as a set of best practices of "the reflected and responsible citizen" - and like all sets of best practices the people who are most likely to follow them are the people who are probably doing most of them at least in sprit, and the people who are not "reflected and responsible" will not see them as something that contributes to long term sustainable success, but as arbitrarily imposed impediments to their temporal happiness, and try to argue and justify why they should not have to do this, and point to other people violating these best practices without knowing enough to know when to break the rules.

 

[JournalInTime]

The reality of tango is the reality of life: When rules are posted or stated, those who don't need the reminder will pay attention to it, because they're polite and attentive, while those who need the reminder will ignore it, because they're rude and oblivious.

All the milongas around here post the códigos on site – most often in the restrooms where people can read them without being too obvious about it. The information is freely available. But we've reached a saturation point . . . everybody who would respect the rules already is, and the rest aren't going to learn.

The question is what the proportions are. Being more Locke than Hobbes in my thinking, I choose to believe that most people respect the códigos, and that "saturation" represents a majority of people. However, effect isn't proportional to headcount; it takes just a few individuals to (1) ruin the evening for all, and (2) encourage the most reluctant rules-followers to give in to their reluctance.

Or to quote Kay, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it."

 

[Greybeard]

One reason some of the Codigos Tango Newbie talked about are modified a bit is the environment.

In Buenos Aires most milongas have assigned seating. Solo ladies are seated in one area, solo gentlemen in another, couples and groups are also separate. A lady sitting in the couples area is not normally asked to dance by other than her companion. (Double standard alert: A guy in the couples area is allowed to ask other ladies.) People sitting together invite verbally and people at other tables use cabaceo. Some couples ask to be seated in the solo sections to show they want to dance with more than their partner.

In many other milongas people sit where they want and inviting is much more relaxed.

 

[Tango Newbie]

You are confusing two different kinds of rules: the rules of behavior on the dancing floor (Miradas, Cabaceos, Rondas et.) and your own dynamics as a couple. The "rule" of first and last tanda is not a rule. It's a custom that many couples have adopted as their personal decision.

I never said 'first and last tanda' was a "rule" (or codigo); it's good etiquette, something dancers should know a little about, and respect. For most dancers, seeing a couple enter a dance together, that should be a clear sign that they need to take that into consideration FIRST, not jump on the follower like a 'creep' in a night club.
And no, I'm not buying the argument that he didn't see us come in together. Like I said, my GF was put on the spot by this classless clown.

 

[Tango Newbie]

Especially when it's done in front of the person they've just turned down. Yes, that's not cool.

Yes, that's another thing I had to remind my GF; when she (supposedly) turned down the first 2 guys who swooped-in and tried to 'ask' her to dance while I was gone, turning down them, then dancing with that other guy (who sat down next to her) wasn't cool.

 

[JournalInTime]

In many other milongas people sit where they want and inviting is much more relaxed.

That's a huge factor.

Around here, people show up whenever they want and wade in. Once the chairs fill, people stand, which in most places describes the situation for almost everyone. What few chairs exist are rarely around tables, but at the edges of the dance floor, facing the dancers – and chairs around tables are dragged out to that position. So, you have a standing mob walling in the ronda, some seated people trying to peer around them, and a few tables stuck way back in corners, often stripped of chairs.

This results in most invitations consisting of one person turning to another nearby and asking verbally. A few people push others around and hunt specific partners. Everybody seems to understand the cabeceo – it works just fine at the start of the evening when the crowd is small, and at the end when it has thinned out (around here, a milonga that runs from 9:00 p.m. to 3 a.m. will be crowded from 10:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m.). But when you're most likely to have lots of potential partners, it's physically challenging.

As a bonus, our milongas go for subdued lighting. People claim it's to make things more romantic, but the truth is that it hides sins: water damage on the floors, wobbly seats, wilted plants, crud on the exterior of windows nobody can reach to wash, etc. I know this from direct experience trying to clean up a studio. That makes the cabeceo even tougher.

One organizer periodically held events with three-sided assigned seating: women on one long side, men on the other long side, and couples and groups at tables at the far end and on the little stage. She kept the lights up to facilitate the cabeceo. Standing was prohibited (politely); she sold one ticket per seat and then closed registration.

And . . . nobody much liked it. Talking of environment, it was a bad fit to the social environment here. My region is one where people like to decide where to go at the last minute (often after going out to eat), pick up a few friends along the way, show up fashionably late, and stand around being kissy, huggy, and chatty. Few people care to suspend those habits for tango.

This is one reason why I keep belaboring the point of regionality. I know that some people here like the idea of all milongas everywhere being like the mythic archetype of the época de oro, but that's a terrible fit to many places in the current era, both physically and socially.

 

[JournalInTime]

In fact, you could sum up my verbose post as follows: Most tango dancers in a place are denizens of the place first, tango dancers a distant second. They might love or even be addicted to tango, but they're first and foremost locals.

Travelers see another side of tango. They aren't locals, so they hope that notionally "universal" codes will serve them well enough on the road. But even if most tango dancers travel for tango (I rarely do, and doubt that most dancers do, but people keep telling me I'm wrong), most people at any given event are locals for purely logistical reasons. So, local habits tend to carry more weight overall than the supposedly traditional codes.

In fact, I suspect it's the global spread of tango that has done the most to ensure the global demise of some of its traditions.

 

[Tango Newbie]

One reason some of the Codigos Tango Newbie talked about are modified a bit is the environment.

In Buenos Aires most milongas have assigned seating. Solo ladies are seated in one area, solo gentlemen in another, couples and groups are also separate. A lady sitting in the couples area is not normally asked to dance by other than her companion. (Double standard alert: A guy in the couples area is allowed to ask other ladies.) People sitting together invite verbally and people at other tables use cabaceo. Some couples ask to be seated in the solo sections to show they want to dance with more than their partner.

In many other milongas people sit where they want and inviting is much more relaxed.

This is pretty close to what I (sort of) expected to be in place in (most) milongas here. Maybe not the seating assignments or the 'couples section', but in the studio we call 'home' is small enough that dancers see 'who' those couples are when they walk in.

My GF and I usually sit together in an area where there are two sofas, but also sit in folding chairs (together) with a table on occasion. And we sat together in folding chairs in our 'home studio' for the New Years festivalito since the sofas were already occupied when we arrived.

What I have learned is, dancers are very observant, know who's who (coupled or single), watch who arrives, and study how they dance (if they haven't seen them before).

 

[Brummbaer]

I never said 'first and last tanda' was a "rule" (or codigo); it's good etiquette, something dancers should know a little about, and respect.

You see it as your custom, but it's not universal, although it's nice. And if you've got clodhoppers there, what do you do? Shoot 'em? Throw them out? Start an argument? Have an argument with your partner?

 

[Tango Newbie]

That’s correct. There are many work places where there is a professional code regarding work place romances. Among the corporates I have worked at there always were codes on how inter-office romance would be handled or not encouraged. The primary concern is that it should not spill into work environment or impact other colleagues. That concern includes situation that may arise from break-up, potential for abuse of power, power dynamics between the people involved in inter-office romance, perceived favoritism, etc. Last thing bosses or HR want to get involved into sorting out. In short, a version of codigas to make sure work place romance doesn’t become toxic.

And I whole-heartedly agree. Sure, some relationships happen (very few), and when they do, they're usually on the 'down-low' and they keep it from spilling into their work life. I've worked for some big companies (aerospace and biotech), and it's actually rare to have couples (married or dating) working together at the same company.

 

[JournalInTime]

And if you've got clodhoppers there, what do you do? Shoot 'em? Throw them out? Start an argument? Have an argument with your partner?

My approach has been to ignore it, because it isn't worth the grief. Tango is a leisure activity. I do it to chill. As soon as I have to care about problems, it stops being chill. So, I just let people be jerks and rise above it.

I know a few obsessed enforcer types, as well as some score-keepers and angry spouses (like my ex). They do not seem to be having fun. And their energy makes the evening less fun for all.

At least 50% of the supposed snobbishness and prudishness of tango is the negative energy from those who can't rise above. They have to glower at people who "dis" them, grumble about not being invited, grouse at their spouses, etc.

I save my willingness to do or say something for people who physically endanger me or my partner. I don't mean "cut off" – I mean elbow in the face, heel in the shin, mashed toes, that kind of thing. I won't let that go, for the same reason why I'll ignore a kid stealing a pack of gum but call in violently deranged person.

 

[Rabbit]

I have to say that regardless of whether there's a codigo or not, it's a bit weird to immediately walk up and invite a stranger who showed up with a partner. They wouldn't even be on my radar for a while.

 

[Cabbit]

An interesting discussion. Ive never been to a milonga outside of europe, but all the milongas in europe felt just like home. There is some uniformity. Ive never seen any codigos printed out, the understanding probably being that if you came to a milonga, you know what the 'rules' are. And the rules seemed to be the same in rome and berlin and budapest and amsterdam... It would be strange and educational to see milongas where that is not a given

 

[Brummbaer]

I have to say that regardless of whether there's a codigo or not, it's a bit weird to immediately walk up and invite a stranger who showed up with a partner. They wouldn't even be on my radar for a while.

It is a bit weird, but it depends on the type of milongas that are available to attend. I can't imagine it happening at the 'Teatime & Tango' Sunday afternoon tea dance, but it's happened at one other (a novice) formerly regular, more traditional, milonga - I got talking to someone briefly at the entrrance. I've not lost any sleep over it. Just get on with the fun when we can get back.