Class Etiquette

Whatever happens naturally. If I get to the outer door first and hold it open and he walks through, it's common courtesy to hold the inner one. (And visa-versa, of course.) Or, you can always open the door for yourself and walk through and just hold it enough to hand it off to the next person.

This isn't difficult, people. Why does the gender of the other person introduce complexities. Pretend like the girl is just another guy and follow the same protocol. Dropping the door closed in another person's face is just rude, but there's no need to go out of one's way to hold the door open.
 
Peaches said:
Dropping the door closed in another person's face is just rude, but there's no need to go out of one's way to hold the door open.
Click to expand...

I go out of my way to keep the door open as often for men as I do for women. My policy is this - if a women (or man) acts irritated at my politeness, I'll simply ask them to step out for a second, step out myself, close the door, and ask them to please let themselves in and also keep the door open for me to walk in, then thank them for the courtesy of opening to door for me and keep going my own way. :rolleyes:
 
Just chiming in on the OP's original comment.

I can appreciate what you said, and having been taught the virtues of being a gentleman and the concept of etiquette early on, putting my partner's needs ahead of my own just seemed the natural thing to do.

I've received instruction from 5 superb tango teachers (in terms of their ability to dance and impart that knowledge), but not a single one of them has ever made any mention of simple nuances like what the OP listed...Little things like that that could really elevate the experience and the pleasure of an otherwise already stressful scenario.

But yes, I agree, it would take 5 minutes at the beginning of class, especially at the BEGINNER level and should be reinforced at intervals along the way to really drive the point home. It's not a lot to ask of the schools or the teachers, and yes I agree, it SHOULD be common sense to 95% of the people out there, but people in general, have a knack for defying conventional wisdom.

Ultimately, I've resigned myself to the fact that:
1) I can't please everyone
2) Everyone had to start somewhere
3) To keep my eye on the goal and suck it up in the meantime

The etiquette, the consideration, anything I can do to ease mine and my partner's anxiety all help me get to #3 without being driven to drink in the process :o) I do have an ace in the hole though...a beautiful partner with an equally beautiful attitude, and membership to a gym with 3 studios that we use to practice practice practice :)

Cheers :)
 
Mochaboy said:
Just chiming in on the OP's original comment.

I can appreciate what you said, and having been taught the virtues of being a gentleman and the concept of etiquette early on, putting my partner's needs ahead of my own just seemed the natural thing to do.
Click to expand...

my needs come first - no doubt about that. when my needs are met, i'm happy. when i'm happy, i'm a pleasure to be around with, or great fun to dance with. it satisfies my partners needs then - because she gets a great and fun dance. of course, mutual concern is always necessary - for eg, its a no no to drag her by her hair, or drop her plonk on the floor in the course of an aerial or a dip, pick her up like nothing happened and continue playing with her like she were a puppet. it's best to ask with a concerned look on your face if she is doing ok, act like she said she was ok regardless of what she really said, and continue the dance ;)
 
Peaches said:
*gack!* :-)

I can open my own freakin' doors.

If you get there first, without machinations to do so, then yeah...please hold it open. But not for gender reasons, just b/c it's only polite. But if i get there first, I'll open the door for myself and others (and depending on any number of things, either wait for others to go through first or just walk through it). No biggie.

I hate being in a group of people--mostly guys, b/c this tends to happen in the workplace--and dealing with the gyrations that guys go to to let me be first. I mean, yeah, it's courteous (and I always say thank you), but if you're standing closest to the elevator doors, just get on/off already. No need to maneuver so as to let me out first, especially if I'm nowhere near the door. (Which is what tends to happen when I'm let ON the elevator first.)
Click to expand...

Haha! You sound like me in this post! Today for example, I held the door open for people that were like an arm's length away from me. That to me I think is ok and understandable, because it would have been rude to shut the door in their faces. But if you are a guy that is just waiting for me to show up at that door, then I think that I want to get as far away from you as possible. To me it's just weird. But it depends on how you grew up though probably, and possibly where you live too etc. Living in a big city doing that is a bit different than living in a small town. ;)
 
<ducking in....> i actually enjoy the graciousness & old world charm of a man opening the door for me... <quick exit>

and i'm no prima donna... not in the least...:rolleyes:
 
Hey, come on. Stick around. There are plenty of people, both men and women who enjoy the fact that men and women are different, and we therefore don't treat each other exactly the same.
That woman who long ago gave me grief for being polite? I know now that she was the one with the problem. She was the one who had to make a big show to prove (to herself?) that she was "equal".
I am thankful that many of us appreciate the fact that we aren't all the same, and act accordingly.
 
Steve Pastor said:
That woman who long ago gave me grief for being polite? I know now that she was the one with the problem. She was the one who had to make a big show to prove (to herself?) that she was "equal".
Click to expand...

I'm not sure if saying that we have a problem just because we can open up our own doors is what I would call it. To each his own or whatever that saying is is probably more appropriate.
 
BF opens my car door for me... even tho it's got electric locks... i love that...

course, if i were TRULY old world, i'd sit in the car & wait for him to open for me when i'm ready to exist. can you imagine a modern woman doing that on a date these days? lol...
 
I regard a man's opening a door for me as a little piece of flirtation, precisely because it is unnecessary. I like it!

But then, part of the reason I fell in love with one boyfriend is that he always, unobtrusively arranged to walk on the outside when we walked down a sidewalk (to protect me from the horses in the street, you know :)). My dad always did that, so I find it a very caring gesture.
 
I guess I feel strongly about this, and that we the dancers should try to change something we don't like.
Or is it better to curse the darkness?
Click to expand...

Well, Steve, since you seem to really mean that --

as a very very new poster to DF (although not to dance so much, and a lurker for about a year) I'm going to stick my neck out.

Perhaps copies of this can be read here, if not copied and handed out at class: http://www.ssqq.com/stories/advicehm.htm

You all who read the article will note that it was written by a swing instructor (male!) for his student leads.

Why, then, would I think it's appropriate in a tango thread?
Because these exact same problems seem to crop up, repeatedly, in EVERY SINGLE SOCIAL DANCE GENRE.

Enjoy.

(It's long, but IMHO worth every word.)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Dance Ads

Advertise on Dance Forums Reach dancers, teachers, studios, event organizers, and dance-friendly brands. View ad options
Back
Top