Dance Doldrums

[Misspendragon]

Thank you for the suggestions! There aren't a lot of options for instructors in my area, especially for an open dancer. Cal I was looking for a gym in the area to join that might have a workable room. I was using my garage, no mirror, but it has been so bitter cold I can't stand being out there. Dance Redeemer & Joy, thanks for the suggestion. I had thought about switching to smooth, since there is a very good smooth instructor here. It's been a while since I danced smooth, but I have been considering it. He is strictly geared to competition, so not sure. I have never been much of a social dancer, but thought about going to a studio where I am friends with the owner. She runs a social studio. More to think about. I will try to focus on what I love about dancing and see if I can pull myself out of this funk.

I would second the Zoom lessons suggestion. Many Pros like to do Zoom lessons, and they understand limitations, so you could learn and practice something that is doable in a small space. That's still better than not doing anything. Of course, that doesn't solve your long-term issue, but at least you would be still dancing.

 

[scullystwin42]

warning: long, introspective post.

I was looking for the right thread and...I think this is where i am. I usually get this way after an unexpected loss, but i have a bit more adding on to the doldrums this time. Pro noted that he felt the "energy/vibes/confidence" i was exuding both at Capital and this competition were very similar, and that it seemed...less. less confident, less energetic, less volume, less expressions, less dominant on the floor - and more stressed, more scared of results, not coming out like i owned the floor. I didn't want to admit it, but i was kind of feeling that way. I was aware that i was a little anxious, but i don't think i wanted to admit that i wasn't expecting a lot from the judges this time (for whatever reason - vibes from coaching, or just overthinking). I know it's a very mental game and so i was focusing on trying to get to a good mental space. Most of our talk at our lesson was about mental stuff and trying to figure out why it seemed to be so bad at these two comps (similar to what someone here commented). so this is going to be a long post for me to work through stuff before i talk to my therapist.

i was a bit tired and i hate to say that i wasn't terribly interested in being there. and i think back to capitol, and i have always wanted to be at that comp, but part of me was just really tired and would rather have been sitting somewhere. in July, work got REALLY REALLY stressful and busy, and i also had some new injuries i was dealing with in July and August (and through to now). Work has not let up - i knew it would be rough, and i had hoped being aware that i had a tough time coming up for a short period would help me mitigate it, but apparently not.

I didn't think i'd get to a point where i wasn't enjoying dancing, but i know in the last two months i've cut short lessons or been fine with cancelling a lesson. I also don't think i want to admit that it's not terribly fun right now. but it's kinda not. some of it is, when i'm figuring things out, these lightbulb moments, but it's been extra not fun trying to incorporate these learnings - they aren't staying at all, and it's frustrating, but not in a good, motivating way. and instead of pushing me to improve, having someone chasing me has just made me tired.

Looking back, the change at work seems to be the trigger for the change. a lot more stress, less downtime, and a bit of imposter syndrome that could be bleeding over. (i had a hire go bad and had to fill in for that role along with my own. then i had to expand my team, so lots of interviewing and worrying about hiring the right person. then my best employee left and then backfilling her. very much a lot of "good lord did i hire the right person" and "what the heck do i know" thoughts as i bring people on).

dance was my place to forget about stuff, but i have had to use my brain SO MUCH (decision making, fighting imposter syndrome, keeping teams going through some difficult project times) that even the little bit of use i need for dance was asking too much. (at least that is what i am thinking as i look back). injury pain, a bit of weight gain from stress and lost workouts on top of the work stress... that is a lot. and so trying to convince my body and brain to do more (incorporate learnings, maintain confidence, push past physical issues) might have just overloaded me.

Mentioned the work stress to pro and he said that it definitely could contribute - that if it's my downtime, i might just be turning my brain off too much. and i have been feeling just drained almost every day. and the timing fits.

So i have put in a call to my therapist to talk through all this. there's also some residual guilt about money on this, sadness about losing chances to compete due to other money needs, along with general mental stress related to competing that i need a neutral party to help work through.

i also have to decide what i want to do about the next competitions - especially ohio. he brought up that ohio is way more stressful than a small local comp and also more than Capital. not gonna lie, i am usually excited about doing ohio - but now there is a big part of me that is just saying "but we're so tired". i really hate to admit that, though. and since i'm still in work stress land, i'm not sure if this a "i don't want to dance/compete 'anymore'" or "just not right now." and i do really hate to say that, because dancing has brought me so much joy over the years.

so yeah, i have a bit to unpack here. and of course, i have a bloody wedding trip that i somewhat impulsively planned and now am regretting, as it means no relaxing this weekend.

 

[Misspendragon]

warning: long, introspective post.

I was looking for the right thread and...I think this is where i am. I usually get this way after an unexpected loss, but i have a bit more adding on to the doldrums this time. Pro noted that he felt the "energy/vibes/confidence" i was exuding both at Capital and this competition were very similar, and that it seemed...less. less confident, less energetic, less volume, less expressions, less dominant on the floor - and more stressed, more scared of results, not coming out like i owned the floor. I didn't want to admit it, but i was kind of feeling that way. I was aware that i was a little anxious, but i don't think i wanted to admit that i wasn't expecting a lot from the judges this time (for whatever reason - vibes from coaching, or just overthinking). I know it's a very mental game and so i was focusing on trying to get to a good mental space. Most of our talk at our lesson was about mental stuff and trying to figure out why it seemed to be so bad at these two comps (similar to what someone here commented). so this is going to be a long post for me to work through stuff before i talk to my therapist.

i was a bit tired and i hate to say that i wasn't terribly interested in being there. and i think back to capitol, and i have always wanted to be at that comp, but part of me was just really tired and would rather have been sitting somewhere. in July, work got REALLY REALLY stressful and busy, and i also had some new injuries i was dealing with in July and August (and through to now). Work has not let up - i knew it would be rough, and i had hoped being aware that i had a tough time coming up for a short period would help me mitigate it, but apparently not.

I didn't think i'd get to a point where i wasn't enjoying dancing, but i know in the last two months i've cut short lessons or been fine with cancelling a lesson. I also don't think i want to admit that it's not terribly fun right now. but it's kinda not. some of it is, when i'm figuring things out, these lightbulb moments, but it's been extra not fun trying to incorporate these learnings - they aren't staying at all, and it's frustrating, but not in a good, motivating way. and instead of pushing me to improve, having someone chasing me has just made me tired.

Looking back, the change at work seems to be the trigger for the change. a lot more stress, less downtime, and a bit of imposter syndrome that could be bleeding over. (i had a hire go bad and had to fill in for that role along with my own. then i had to expand my team, so lots of interviewing and worrying about hiring the right person. then my best employee left and then backfilling her. very much a lot of "good lord did i hire the right person" and "what the heck do i know" thoughts as i bring people on).

dance was my place to forget about stuff, but i have had to use my brain SO MUCH (decision making, fighting imposter syndrome, keeping teams going through some difficult project times) that even the little bit of use i need for dance was asking too much. (at least that is what i am thinking as i look back). injury pain, a bit of weight gain from stress and lost workouts on top of the work stress... that is a lot. and so trying to convince my body and brain to do more (incorporate learnings, maintain confidence, push past physical issues) might have just overloaded me.

Mentioned the work stress to pro and he said that it definitely could contribute - that if it's my downtime, i might just be turning my brain off too much. and i have been feeling just drained almost every day. and the timing fits.

So i have put in a call to my therapist to talk through all this. there's also some residual guilt about money on this, sadness about losing chances to compete due to other money needs, along with general mental stress related to competing that i need a neutral party to help work through.

i also have to decide what i want to do about the next competitions - especially ohio. he brought up that ohio is way more stressful than a small local comp and also more than Capital. not gonna lie, i am usually excited about doing ohio - but now there is a big part of me that is just saying "but we're so tired". i really hate to admit that, though. and since i'm still in work stress land, i'm not sure if this a "i don't want to dance/compete 'anymore'" or "just not right now." and i do really hate to say that, because dancing has brought me so much joy over the years.

so yeah, i have a bit to unpack here. and of course, i have a bloody wedding trip that i somewhat impulsively planned and now am regretting, as it means no relaxing this weekend.

Take some time off from dancing, even work and unwanted social engagements, if possible, effective immediately. Cancel Ohio and don't get back to dancing until you feel like it. If you don't, your brain will sabotage you and you will end up injured, either physically or psychologically or most likely, both. Keep on doing some light and enjoyable exercises so you don't get completely out of shape (mentally and physically), get depressed, and start a spiral of self-dislike. And most importantly, don't feel guilty about not enjoying dancing right now or because you cannot own the floor as you used to. It's hard to own the floor when you are struggling to own yourself or just find the energy to show up at practices. In fact, it's darn near impossible (and no, toughing it out and pushing through it does NOT work).

I rarely give such direct advise to anyone and of course, feel free to ignore me. But I want to encourage you be just as decisive about making choices that reflect your right and need for a break, hence my tone.

Good luck with everything.

 

[joy]

i also have to decide what i want to do about the next competitions - especially ohio. he brought up that ohio is way more stressful than a small local comp and also more than Capital. not gonna lie, i am usually excited about doing ohio - but now there is a big part of me that is just saying "but we're so tired". i really hate to admit that, though. and since i'm still in work stress land, i'm not sure if this a "i don't want to dance/compete 'anymore'" or "just not right now." and i do really hate to say that, because dancing has brought me so much joy over the years.

Skip Ohio. Unless you get a Whole Body Yes.

"What is a Whole Body Yes (WBY)?
A Whole Body Yes happens when you are fully aligned with your whole body (head, heart and gut) and there is a bodily sense of well being as you consider a choice."

You are too hard on yourself, Scully. And your Pro is too hard on you. You need another source that is gentle and loving on you. It's best when that source is yourself.

Hearts.

 

[scullystwin42]

Skip Ohio. Unless you get a Whole Body Yes.

"What is a Whole Body Yes (WBY)?
A Whole Body Yes happens when you are fully aligned with your whole body (head, heart and gut) and there is a bodily sense of well being as you consider a choice."

Noted, and I will keep that in mind. Have to decide rather quickly though! I will also rethink the franchise national in Nov.

You are too hard on yourself, Scully. And your Pro is too hard on you.

Well, we do have similar personalities, so that tracks. Lol

Imposter syndrome is a beast, not gonna lie. And after 20 yrs of doing what I do!

You need another source that is gentle and loving on you. It's best when that source is yourself.

I have my husband, who is very much gentle and loving but also, that is why I have a therapist.

and I am aware that I very much go drama queen after a loss like this, hence my language is specific around not feeling it “right now.” So I canceled remaining lessons this week (after secret pro post-comp tonight) and no lessons til next Wednesday. A break will be good.

 

[ChaCha1]

A break would be good. You are stretching yourself so thin, you can't give much to any one thing. No reason to push for Ohio or the national the same month. Seems like it is time to be kind to yourself so that you can regroup and determine next steps.

 

[singndance]

@scullystwin42 giving you a big virtual hug. I loved watching you at Capital and I’m sorry it wasn’t a good experience for you.

It sounds like it might be a good thing to back off the competition right now. Give yourself some rest and a break. Remember, this is a hobby and it’s for fun. When it stops being fun, maybe it’s time to let it go for a while.

 

[Misspendragon]

Remember, this is a hobby and it’s for fun. When it stops being fun, maybe it’s time to let it go for a while.

THAT.

 

[dncergrl2]

warning: long, introspective post.

I was looking for the right thread and...I think this is where i am. I usually get this way after an unexpected loss, but i have a bit more adding on to the doldrums this time. Pro noted that he felt the "energy/vibes/confidence" i was exuding both at Capital and this competition were very similar, and that it seemed...less. less confident, less energetic, less volume, less expressions, less dominant on the floor - and more stressed, more scared of results, not coming out like i owned the floor. I didn't want to admit it, but i was kind of feeling that way. I was aware that i was a little anxious, but i don't think i wanted to admit that i wasn't expecting a lot from the judges this time (for whatever reason - vibes from coaching, or just overthinking). I know it's a very mental game and so i was focusing on trying to get to a good mental space. Most of our talk at our lesson was about mental stuff and trying to figure out why it seemed to be so bad at these two comps (similar to what someone here commented). so this is going to be a long post for me to work through stuff before i talk to my therapist.

i was a bit tired and i hate to say that i wasn't terribly interested in being there. and i think back to capitol, and i have always wanted to be at that comp, but part of me was just really tired and would rather have been sitting somewhere. in July, work got REALLY REALLY stressful and busy, and i also had some new injuries i was dealing with in July and August (and through to now). Work has not let up - i knew it would be rough, and i had hoped being aware that i had a tough time coming up for a short period would help me mitigate it, but apparently not.

I didn't think i'd get to a point where i wasn't enjoying dancing, but i know in the last two months i've cut short lessons or been fine with cancelling a lesson. I also don't think i want to admit that it's not terribly fun right now. but it's kinda not. some of it is, when i'm figuring things out, these lightbulb moments, but it's been extra not fun trying to incorporate these learnings - they aren't staying at all, and it's frustrating, but not in a good, motivating way. and instead of pushing me to improve, having someone chasing me has just made me tired.

Looking back, the change at work seems to be the trigger for the change. a lot more stress, less downtime, and a bit of imposter syndrome that could be bleeding over. (i had a hire go bad and had to fill in for that role along with my own. then i had to expand my team, so lots of interviewing and worrying about hiring the right person. then my best employee left and then backfilling her. very much a lot of "good lord did i hire the right person" and "what the heck do i know" thoughts as i bring people on).

dance was my place to forget about stuff, but i have had to use my brain SO MUCH (decision making, fighting imposter syndrome, keeping teams going through some difficult project times) that even the little bit of use i need for dance was asking too much. (at least that is what i am thinking as i look back). injury pain, a bit of weight gain from stress and lost workouts on top of the work stress... that is a lot. and so trying to convince my body and brain to do more (incorporate learnings, maintain confidence, push past physical issues) might have just overloaded me.

Mentioned the work stress to pro and he said that it definitely could contribute - that if it's my downtime, i might just be turning my brain off too much. and i have been feeling just drained almost every day. and the timing fits.

So i have put in a call to my therapist to talk through all this. there's also some residual guilt about money on this, sadness about losing chances to compete due to other money needs, along with general mental stress related to competing that i need a neutral party to help work through.

i also have to decide what i want to do about the next competitions - especially ohio. he brought up that ohio is way more stressful than a small local comp and also more than Capital. not gonna lie, i am usually excited about doing ohio - but now there is a big part of me that is just saying "but we're so tired". i really hate to admit that, though. and since i'm still in work stress land, i'm not sure if this a "i don't want to dance/compete 'anymore'" or "just not right now." and i do really hate to say that, because dancing has brought me so much joy over the years.

so yeah, i have a bit to unpack here. and of course, i have a bloody wedding trip that i somewhat impulsively planned and now am regretting, as it means no relaxing this weekend.

You sound like you are in the stages of burn out, from doing too much. Your tank is empty. Be kind to yourself, take a break and don't make any long term decisions. If you don't take some down time, you are in danger of having it done for you, via an injury, accident or illness. It's ok to just do the minimum for awhile and nurture yourself until you get your mojo back. And you will. Don't feel guilty about it. The studio will still be there- comps will still go on- just take care of yourself. Hugs.

 

[Purr]

You need a break from dancing for a while. Only you will know how long. But you have a lot going on, and dance isn't the happy place it once was. And there's a lot of things that have been mentioned at different points in time - stress at work, COVID, weight gain, and feeling tired and run down. Something has to give.

About dancing, it seems like the focus is on winning. Not everyone can win. And to consider coming in second a failure is just wrong. That's too much pressure. Winning has become a job. If that's true, and you're getting a lot of joy out of it, great. If not, well then, what's the point? Has dancing turned into just something that you're used to doing, and you can't remember why you're doing it anymore? It's just something else that needs done.

Good luck in finding your way back to the joy of the journey of dancing.

 

[Purr]

Last comment on this thread.

Being able to dance is a gift, a wonderful opportunity. Having the ability to take lessons, participate in socials, dance in studio events, or compete is a gift. Just wait until circumstances happen, and all of it's gone, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Or just about all of it is gone, and only enough remains to make you sad that you didn't appreciate the opportunities you had enough while you had them.
I'm done.

 

[Misspendragon]

Last comment on this thread.

Being able to dance is a gift, a wonderful opportunity. Having the ability to take lessons, participate in socials, dance in studio events, or compete is a gift. Just wait until circumstances happen, and all of it's gone, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Or just about all of it is gone, and only enough remains to make you sad that you didn't appreciate the opportunities you had enough while you had them.
I'm done.

All of that is true. Yet phrasing it in such a way is a bit the equivalent of viewing wealthy, privileged teenage girls with anorexia with the mindset of "you've got everything, what do you have to complain about? Wait until you have nothing to eat and start moaning then!" Obviously, from a therapeutic point of view, this would be very counterproductive.

People adjust. I've lived on the street homeless (literally) and have lived on 5th Avenue with no financial worries to speak of, and I don't think I was significantly unhappier on the street than on 5th Avenue. (Granted, I was very young when I was homeless and obsessed with art at the time, and we are more resilient when we are young). My point is, we process experience emotionally based on our current state, not what we have had (and what we were) in the past and certainly not based on what could be. I remember one night when I was sleeping on a bench and haven't eaten for three days at that point listening to a girl of my age crying her soul out because her mother didn't let her go to camp and so she ran away (she gave up and went home by 3.00am). Her experience felt much worse for her than how I felt in that given moment, because I was acclimated to my situation (to a degree, obviously. It's never exactly fun to sleep on a bench and be hungry), while she was just thrown a violent curve ball (or that is how the situation felt like for her).

Anyway, maybe it's best to meet people where they are at and accept that to them, what they feel is reality. I've just complained here yesterday about how tired I feel, even though there were times in my life when I worked out much harder and then at other times, like when I took care of my newborn baby, I slept even less than now. But, knowing all this, I still feel darn tired!

 

[David_In_CA]

Last comment on this thread.

Being able to dance is a gift, a wonderful opportunity. Having the ability to take lessons, participate in socials, dance in studio events, or compete is a gift. Just wait until circumstances happen, and all of it's gone, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Or just about all of it is gone, and only enough remains to make you sad that you didn't appreciate the opportunities you had enough while you had them.
I'm done.

I think many of us had a taste of that two and a half years ago.

 

[DoWrongRight]

I can definitely sympathize with the changing of positions at work and taking on a different role. It's a position I wanted (for money because that's why I work) and I inherited a short, overworked staff and a position that our former boss had basically just been gliding in for the last 3-4 years. I don't feel like I am an "actual" supervisor and feel like an imposter. I don't know that there is much of a solution to that feeling. I have never been a supervisor and just feel like I am one with everyone else. I usually get smacked in the face once a day with the fact that I am not one with everyone else when I am excluded from certain conversations. I do what I can to compartmentalize work into only work hours, it creeps over occasionally and I have had to deal with work things off of work time. For myself, dance is a stress reliever; if it began to cause me stress I believe I would have to take a break or just do less dance things. I have stretched myself thin this year by participating in more dance things, as a result of the change in my work position. I hope @scullystwin42 is able to find some relief to all that is going on.

 

[IndyLady]

"Words of comfort" is not on my résumé, it turns out, and so many others have said better things than I could construct. But I'm confident that you (@scullystwin42 ) will make the choices you need to make for you. Just hope there's been some verbiage in this thread that resonates enough to move you in that direction, whatever it is.