(Dance) Partners: for better or worse

[reb]

nowadays I don't even think about my partner. It is horrible to say, but I think about my back, my lead, my position, my timing. i actually find that i can dance much better and my partner can dance much better if I am in the correct position.

Now I just ignore her I mean, she's so light, light as a feather, yeah that's it! . . . :wink: :wink: :together:

Seriously, I didn't realize this until one of the Maximillan Winklehaus (sp?) workshops where he has you working on identifying then blocking out distractions . . . and I realized that I was letting DW distract me, even as we came together, just taking position in Standard!

 

[Peaches]

nowadays I don't even think about my partner. It is horrible to say, but I think about my back, my lead, my position, my timing. i actually find that i can dance much better and my partner can dance much better if I am in the correct position.

I've been thinking about this all afternoon. It's reminded me of something that was discussed in an AT "thing" this past September.

One of the workshops was on sensuality (ugh!). In the workshop (as well as in other workshops, I might add), the teachers were stressing again and again that the woman's "job" is to let go of everything, completely accept herself, and focus solely on establishing a special connection and finding her own way of expressing herself within the framework of what the man has led. We're taught from the beginning that our best contribution to the partnership is to take care of ourselves: maintain our own axis (if that's the style you're dancing), control our own steps, maintain our own core, and leave the rest up to him. There are some schools of thought which say that even floorcraft is the man's domain, and not within the scope of what we should be worrying about. The idea is that when we focus so much on ourselves, and taking care of our own part (and the man taking care of his just as much, obviously), that the best of the dancing can come out.

 

[fascination]

Now I just ignore her I mean, she's so light, light as a feather, yeah that's it! . . . :wink: :wink: :together:

Seriously, I didn't realize this until one of the Maximillan Winklehaus (sp?) workshops where he has you working on identifying then blocking out distractions . . . and I realized that I was letting DW distract me, even as we came together, just taking position in Standard!

:lol:yes reb...it is very very clear that the two of you are still very much "distracted" by one another....and very very lovely to see

 

[reb]

:banana:

 

[etp777]

That's the same thing I said.

 

[NURDRMS]

I've been thinking about this all afternoon. It's reminded me of something that was discussed in an AT "thing" this past September.

One of the workshops was on sensuality (ugh!). In the workshop (as well as in other workshops, I might add), the teachers were stressing again and again that the woman's "job" is to let go of everything, completely accept herself, and focus solely on establishing a special connection and finding her own way of expressing herself within the framework of what the man has led. We're taught from the beginning that our best contribution to the partnership is to take care of ourselves: maintain our own axis (if that's the style you're dancing), control our own steps, maintain our own core, and leave the rest up to him. There are some schools of thought which say that even floorcraft is the man's domain, and not within the scope of what we should be worrying about. The idea is that when we focus so much on ourselves, and taking care of our own part (and the man taking care of his just as much, obviously), that the best of the dancing can come out.

Peaches, your comments are so timely. Last night the coach sent my instructor to the men's room and made me dance our cha cha routine alone. He said I was so worried about gaining my instructor's approval for my steps that I couldn't 'feel' the dance.

 

[elisedance]

This is a terrific discussion that I've not read before - is it just followers that are prone to this or do leaders also get 'partner anxiety' which seems a pretty good term for it. For me it depends in part on the music - if I get into it my partner is not there as a person just a leader. If its bad, however, or if I've had a hard time picking something up then I get the same thing.

 

[Peaches]

This is a terrific discussion that I've not read before - is it just followers that are prone to this or do leaders also get 'partner anxiety' which seems a pretty good term for it. For me it depends in part on the music - if I get into it my partner is not there as a person just a leader. If its bad, however, or if I've had a hard time picking something up then I get the same thing.

At the risk of hijacking further (but, hey, it's your thread, elise, and you seem to be encouraging the hijacking)... When I really get into it, and I'm actually in the moment, and focusing on myself and my dancing, the funny thing happens that I end up being able to pay that much more attention to my leader. I don't know how to describe it.

When things are really flowing well, it's like there isn't a lead there at all. I'm just moving with another person. Sure, yeah, they're actually leading and I'm actually following...but at that point it's the oddest feeling of never feeling a lead...just hearing the music and somehow it's like we're doing the same movements together. It's like I know what he's going to lead before/as he leads it, without ever feeling it or knowing it or thinking about it. It's a sense of listening to the music and OF COURSE *that* is what we do, because it's the most natural thing in the world, it's like there are no other options because the music has dictated how to move. (I'm sure I'm not making any sense, I know. I just can't think of how else to describe it.)

When things are working like this, my partner almost ceases to be a leader. He's just the person I'm with at that moment in time, and we're together within the music.

I feel like I should go sing Kumbaya now, or something. Sheesh that was touchy-feely-ish crap. Sorry.

 

[samina]

When things are really flowing well, it's like there isn't a lead there at all. I'm just moving with another person. Sure, yeah, they're actually leading and I'm actually following...but at that point it's the oddest feeling of never feeling a lead...just hearing the music and somehow it's like we're doing the same movements together. It's like I know what he's going to lead before/as he leads it, without ever feeling it or knowing it or thinking about it. ...I just can't think of how else to describe it.)

.

i heard loraine baricchi descibe it as being so relaxed & receptive that you're "inside the man", and that makes a lot of sense to me. has been happening more often for me and i just love it...

 

[Peaches]

i heard loraine baricchi descibe it as being so relaxed & receptive that you're "inside the man", and that makes a lot of sense to me. has been happening more often for me and i just love it...

Yay! I was making some bit of sense to somebody!

Yeah, pretty much. I think I'd have said it's like being inside his mind, and knowing what he knows at the same time, but that about works, too.

 

[reb]

This is a terrific discussion that I've not read before - is it just followers that are prone to this or do leaders also get 'partner anxiety' which seems a pretty good term for it. For me it depends in part on the music - if I get into it my partner is not there as a person just a leader. If its bad, however, or if I've had a hard time picking something up then I get the same thing.

I dance a zillion times better when my recognition of my partner is absorbed into what I am doing - I'm aware of, dialed-into her needs, connected physically and emotionally, energized - and yet at the same time unencumbered by the slow thinking/worrying/accusatory/guilty/concerned part of my brain.

Requiring no clock cycles (for the EEs of the world) - however to get there takes time in grade and practice.

I could describe it as focusing only on *my* dancing, but that would do an injustice to the whole flow, the connection and energy that I do have with my partner, with the music, with the floor (both the physical hardwood as well as movement of other competitors), the audience, etc.

A dichotomy - in (a) my personal dancing zone, and (b) yet alive and connected with . . . everything. It's just that the alive and connected with everything part becomes electric-charged and automatic vs requiring/sapping energy/strength/attention.

I've let us down as a couple when I let something, even another couple, enter that conscious zone which requires those slow thinking elements.

How to explain in mere words . . .

 

[elisedance]

I think you are doing pretty well.... I get it... (and way-to-go)

 

[Twilight_Elena]

Basically, from next week I won't have a partner. There is a very, very slim chance that he stays, but he's incredibly busy and he's starting his placement in a couple of days so he will be swamped with work for the entire second semester. He had told me almost a month ago (it was very nice of him, really), but we told our coach tonight so that he knows I am looking for a new partner.

T_E

 

[etp777]

Sorry to heear that TE, but good luck on your search. HOpefully you can find someone closer to your level this time.

 

[catsmeow]

I wish I understood what you are saying about being absorbed. Is it kind of like when you are playing tennis and you become the ball? I think there was a book about that in the distant past. Wish I could get past learning routines so that I could enjoy competition dancing with my partner. Over the past five years and about one hundred amateur couple competitions, I am no further ahead understanding how my partner thinks.