(Dance) Partners: for better or worse

[Chris Stratton]

why are you spending so much time learning routines?

 

[catsmeow]

Each new level requires new steps.

 

[elisedance]

I wish I understood what you are saying about being absorbed. Is it kind of like when you are playing tennis and you become the ball? I think there was a book about that in the distant past. Wish I could get past learning routines so that I could enjoy competition dancing with my partner. Over the past five years and about one hundred amateur couple competitions, I am no further ahead understanding how my partner thinks.

Maybe you need to revisit how (and where) you are learning ballroom? Just about every competition dancer here moans (oh, no don't throw me into that briar bush!) about learing technique and not steps or routines. Until you do that you are simply not going to be competetive in the big world (though you may be a star at your studio or some microcosm).

Wait a minute: 5 years and 100 comps?? thats 20 a year - where are you doing these?

 

[Joe]

Each new level permits the opportunity to learn new steps.

FTFY.

 

[cornutt]

This is a terrific discussion that I've not read before - is it just followers that are prone to this or do leaders also get 'partner anxiety' which seems a pretty good term for it.

Oh yeah, absolutely. In fact, I suspect that it's easier for leaders to fall into. It all goes back to when we were beginning leaders, and our partners missed a lot of things because our leading wasn't very good. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have to take responsibility for "encouraging" the follow to move to where she needs to move to. At the same time, there's also the anxiety over wanting to please the partner -- after all, she's the one who gets to decide if we will dance together or not. And thirdly, a lead feels protective of their partner. After all, we have the primary floorcraft responsibility, but it goes beyond that too. I always say that no partner of mine is going to hit the floor while I'm dancing with her, no matter what. Call it paternalistic, but that's the way a lot of guys feel.

 

[cornutt]

When things are really flowing well, it's like there isn't a lead there at all. I'm just moving with another person. Sure, yeah, they're actually leading and I'm actually following...but at that point it's the oddest feeling of never feeling a lead...just hearing the music and somehow it's like we're doing the same movements together.

Robert Fripp (yeah, I know...) has described this as, "When it's going well, I'm not playing music. Rather, the music is playing through me." Reb mentioned the "clock cycles" thing; to carry that analogy further, I think of it as all the mundane tasks of dancing -- moving the feet, holding the frame, watching out for other couples, etc. -- being assigned to background processing. Those things don't have to be consciously thought about.

Mind you, I'm not yet good enough to achieve this state very often.

 

[elisedance]

Oh yeah, absolutely. In fact, I suspect that it's easier for leaders to fall into. It all goes back to when we were beginning leaders, and our partners missed a lot of things because our leading wasn't very good. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have to take responsibility for "encouraging" the follow to move to where she needs to move to. At the same time, there's also the anxiety over wanting to please the partner -- after all, she's the one who gets to decide if we will dance together or not. And thirdly, a lead feels protective of their partner. After all, we have the primary floorcraft responsibility, but it goes beyond that too. I always say that no partner of mine is going to hit the floor while I'm dancing with her, no matter what. Call it paternalistic, but that's the way a lot of guys feel.

Love it. Wanna dance???? Somehow I think there will be little anxiety (hopefully on both parts )

 

[Peaches]

Robert Fripp (yeah, I know...) has described this as, "When it's going well, I'm not playing music. Rather, the music is playing through me." Reb mentioned the "clock cycles" thing; to carry that analogy further, I think of it as all the mundane tasks of dancing -- moving the feet, holding the frame, watching out for other couples, etc. -- being assigned to background processing. Those things don't have to be consciously thought about.

Mind you, I'm not yet good enough to achieve this state very often.

I’m reminded of one of the more interesting (and, oddly, erotic) presentations on sensuality in tango I saw in September. The couple was stressing the idea that dancing is not “linear” in the sense of being a series of steps, but rather an organic evolution of movement from connection and emotion generated by the music.

They demonstrated by having the woman stand still with her eyes closed, and put on some music (Piazzolla, I think). He started out just touching her—her face, her eyes, mouth, hair…then shoulders, arms, stomach, legs…pretty much everywhere. As they got more an more into it, he would move and she would move to stay with him, and stay with his touch. If he swayed, she’d sway; he’d lean towards her or lower, and she would match that; as he moved away, she’d stay with him. It was absolutely stunning. Then, gradually, he began taking just a step at a time, and she was following with it. By the end of the song, they were dancing a recognizable AT, all without ever having taken frame or doing “AT steps” or anything else.

It was just so obvious that both of them were moving to the music together, she was completely lost in the moment, and he was so focused on just movement. The dancing, at that point, was almost a by-product. It was an absolutely mind-blowing demonstration.

(And after that the organizers called a brief break in the program, and quite a few people went outside to smoke, I might add. Including the performers, IIRC. Lol.)

 

[samina]

Yay! I was making some bit of sense to somebody!

Yeah, pretty much. I think I'd have said it's like being inside his mind, and knowing what he knows at the same time, but that about works, too.

it's a wonderful feeling. i was just thinking about it this weekend, realizing that it's been happening with my instructor. even if just for brief passages, it's a good sign. and so pleasurable.

 

[samina]

Basically, from next week I won't have a partner. There is a very, very slim chance that he stays, but he's incredibly busy and he's starting his placement in a couple of days so he will be swamped with work for the entire second semester. He had told me almost a month ago (it was very nice of him, really), but we told our coach tonight so that he knows I am looking for a new partner.

T_E

good luck with finding someone new. sounds like it's been nice while you've had this one... fingers crossed that the next one is even more appropriate for you.

 

[elisedance]

Basically, from next week I won't have a partner. There is a very, very slim chance that he stays, but he's incredibly busy and he's starting his placement in a couple of days so he will be swamped with work for the entire second semester. He had told me almost a month ago (it was very nice of him, really), but we told our coach tonight so that he knows I am looking for a new partner.

T_E

Maybe this will work out for the best? This gives you a chance to focus full-time on finding someone with as much experience. A great passage - and obviously a nice guy too. It should be easier finding a new one once you've been in the scene for a while too.

Best of luck in the search....

 

[Rugby]

Maybe you need to revisit how (and where) you are learning ballroom? Just about every competition dancer here moans (oh, no don't throw me into that briar bush!) about learing technique and not steps or routines. Until you do that you are simply not going to be competetive in the big world (though you may be a star at your studio or some microcosm).

Wait a minute: 5 years and 100 comps?? thats 20 a year - where are you doing these?

I believe everyone may be getting catsmeow wrong. What he is complaining about is not learning technique but learning routines I think. He/she will have to write back to see if this is what they meant or not.
My partner and I are technobots, always working every detail to the point of no return but what happens is that we are always bashed by our coaches for not doing enough work on our routines. We wing it alot in the competitions relying on leading and following over routines, as we found that it is so crowded on the comp floor that anyone that counts on and tries to do their routines, becomes road kill. What we are trying to do is a compromise, doing routines if possible but being able to break the routine to wing it when the situation calls for it. Some of our competitors have told me that with the crowded conditions they too are going to work less on routines and focus more on leading and following so that the man can quickly break out of the routine for as often, and as long, as it takes to get around the floor without stopping or getting caught.

 

[catsmeow]

Thanks Rugby for clearing the air on my technique vs routines post. You seem to know my mind better than I do. By the way Elisedance its been eight years and not five. See how easily I forget? Seems like a long time since starting in prebronze. You want a new partner Rugby?? Do your coaches say you would do better with someone else? (trying to put a smiley here but dont know how)

 

[Rugby]

I assume you are a man since you are talking about routines and having to work on them. I think I could handle you. Two men, oh yeah, not bad. :together:

 

[meow]

Basically, from next week I won't have a partner. There is a very, very slim chance that he stays, but he's incredibly busy and he's starting his placement in a couple of days so he will be swamped with work for the entire second semester. He had told me almost a month ago (it was very nice of him, really), but we told our coach tonight so that he knows I am looking for a new partner.

T_E

Don't get too down about it. I remember one time my kitten and his then partner split and he was really down thinking it would take forever to find one. But, in hindsight it was the best thing that could have happened.
I learned that when one door closes, another door opens. I'm sure you will find a partner and probably be happier with the newie - Good Luck.