Dance/School Conflict?

I feel so sorry for you! Lighten up my friend!! :friend:

I totally understand how you feel because my mom was the same ("was" because I proved them that I'm an adult and I can handle things just fine). And yes, please study real hard, get some good grades, and prove them that you can indeed do both at the same time!

Your parents are not mean, they just don't see things the way you do. Don't think too much now, concentrate on your studies and let both of you cool off a little bit, then you can talk about it. Take some time off tonight doing something you really enjoy to improve your mood. :)

We're here supporting you!
 
Without trying to sound patronizing, your mother just wants the best for you. Some day, when you are blessed with children, you'll be better able to understand where she's coming from. Trust me, I was in your shoes once, and I'm working my way up to hers.
 
Yep. Leave your parents out of the equation and do what you need to do for yourself. The added bonus is that, in the process, you'll get the grades, etc, and your parents will probably lighten up.

But bottom line is that it's your life. The decisions you make will impact you first and foremost. If you want to do both dance and actuarial science, you will. And you'll do them well. 8)

(Oh, and you know a cool/devious trick I learned long ago? When somebody's yelling at me, I give them back only cooperation, sweetness and light. Not in a sarcastic way -- I genuinely cooperate. Takes the wind right out of their sails. :wink: :twisted: :lol: )
 
I feel like I'm letting you down by giving you platitudes, chiwenl. But I really don't want to get too deeply into how I know this. It's way personal. Too personal for the internet. So please trust me on this one.

If you're anything like me, this is the first of many times in your life when you'll come to crossroads where you can choose to define yourself or to be defined by the externals -- people and circumstances seemingly beyond your control. And yes, sometimes things are beyond your control. But two things are almost always true. You DO have control over yourself. And you DO have influence over everything else.

It sounds like you and your Mom and Dad are locked into a conflict pattern over your dancing. It probably took a while to get there, and it probably won't go away over night. You have no control over your Mom's yelling. Or your Dad's whatever your Dad does that gets on your nerves.

Here's what you do have control over. What YOU do. And through what you choose to do next, you may have influence on things that are much larger than you can see at this moment.

So, regardless of what anyone else says or does, YOU do what you know is best for you in the long run. There's no rule that says the kid can't be the grown-up. :wink: Good luck, sweetie.
 
I totally understand - my parents have been the same way. Always telling me that I had to choose between music and dance, and they wouldn't help me pay to go to college for music if I was just going to spend all my time dancing, etc. Well, truth is that I can't choose. I absolutely just can't. And after asking for one year to prove that I could be a success at both, they really layed off. That managed to be a great solution for us - basically a "probation period" where I could try to do both, and if I was successful, I could continue. If not, I chose one or the other. Fortunately I've been handling both just fine, as music and dance are both definitely "go for it now if you have the dreams, later may be too late" kinds of things.

Anyway, that's just one suggestion of how to get them to listen. See if you can get them to give you a chance for just one semester, and really work to keep your grades up meanwhile.

(although, I should probably mention that I was a terrible, terrible student in high school, so the fact that I've been doing reasonably well in college - dancing or not - was a big factor in my favor as far as not having to quit)

good luck, in any case. and don't let anyone stop you from doing what you're passionate about.
 
Okay, so here's what I was thinking about while I was going back to sleep.

Incidentally, I have a busload of nieces and nephews whose diapers I changed, and of whom a few are now adults. So I've been the confidant/counselor quite a bit in my lifetime. I can relate to where the parents (my siblings) are coming from, and I can also relate to where my nieces and nephews are coming from.

But here's what I don't understand. Why do parents pull the money card when they have good kids? I mean, where does the,"I'm not going to pay for your education unless I approve the education you're getting or major you've chosen," come from? :?

I've had a couple girlfriends who pulled the plug on their kids. One was paying her son's tuition outright, and when he was on academic probabation the first year and headed that way the second year, she stopped paying and told him she'd help him again when he got his act together. Made sense to me.

And I had another girlfriend who told her son she'd pay for only one more year of tuition. At this point, he was four years into a four year program, but he'd changed his majors so many times that, even with good grades, he had two and a half years to graduation. Made sense to me.

But, if you have a kid with good grades and high goals, who's basically on target, why would you withdraw financial support? Does anybody understand that? Maybe somebody with teens or grown children who's been through the high school and college years? I don't get the parent perspective on that, meaning I don't see what they hope to accomplish, other than perhaps controlling but perhaps alienating, their kids.

Can someone help me understand? :?
 
Well, Jenn....I can only give you my take on the college thing. If I'm going to foot the bill for my kids' education (which will be nearly impossible by the time they get there), I'm going to have certain expectations. This is my *retirement* money, afterall! I'm not saying that they'll have to get "x" grade or the plug gets pulled, but I want them to take school seriously and put forth their best effort. If they decide there's something else they'd much rather pursue, then they're going to have to go it on their own. Having your parents pay for a college education isn't a right, afterall.

Now, I'm not saying anything about our friend's situation here, because I don't know exactly what it is. I'm hearing one side of the story. I'm sure that she can figure out a way to assuage her parents into not hounding her, and still enjoy her dancing. Once again, "balance" is the magic word.

FYI - my husband's family works for Tufts. It's now $40K/year. Not sure my kids will get to make it into something other than a community or state school....
 
I agree it's not a right. In my family, you paid your own way. Period. So there never was a conflict over the money. Other than the option of living at home as a commuter student and co-signing for financial aid, my parents didn't have the money, so we paid ourselves. No problem. 8) That's why I don't understand this parent/child dynamic at all.

I've also known more than a few people who took lower-paying jobs than they could have gotten elsewhere, just so that their children could get free or subsidized tuition at a good university.

Just wondering. 8) I understand the requirement for good grades. I just don't understand the desire to control what major your child chooses. If I was supporting a kid in college, I'd consider school their job, and you'd better believe they'd be getting "performance reviews," from Mom, with grades as a major performance objective. :lol: :lol: :lol:

But to me, college is a fuzzy area. High school kids are still kids, for the most part. College people, in my mind, are rapidly becoming adults, if they're not adults already. So the heavy-handed approach doesn't sit well with me. That's just me, though.
 
No, I agree, parents shouldn't control the choice of study. Suggestions and guidance are great, but ultimately, the student (child?) should choose. Having said that, about 50% of the people I know switched majors half-way through or later. I'm all for kids taking a year or two off before going to college at all. I really don't think most 17 year olds know for sure what they want to do for their entire lives at that age -- at least I didn't!
 
I didn't know what I really want to do for the rest of my life when I was 17. Now being 20, I still don't know what I really want to do. All I know is that I want to graduate from college and be an actuary because actuaries make GOOD money. Once I have good money, I can then do whatever I want to do, and explore the world. :D
 
chiwenl...you may never know! I'm 42 and keep thinking of going back to school, but can't decide between environmental science, government studies or nursing school! Are you thinking of working for an insurance company? I know they hire actuaries...not sure what other industries.
 
mamboqueen said:
chiwenl...you may never know! I'm 42 and keep thinking of going back to school, but can't decide between environmental science, government studies or nursing school! Are you thinking of working for an insurance company? I know they hire actuaries...not sure what other industries.
Click to expand...

Insurance companies, consulting firms, and government institutions all hire actuaries for different purposes. IBM, GM, and lots of other BIG companies also hire their own actuaries for pension work instead of having a consulting firm to do the pension work for them. Govn't hires actuaries for social security and stuff like that.
 
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