VronskyWasSoVain
Active Member
Hi. This is my first post in this forum. I'm a relatively new dancer (been doing it for 4 months) and I'm glad I started. It's done wonders for my health, physical fitness and my confidence.
Don't want to get into detail about my background. I am 34 years old. Asian Male. I am shy but not necessarily introverted. There's a difference. An introvert chooses to be alone but a shy person is someone who yearns to be social but cannot due to personal insecurities. I have a good career. I have good family and friends. But I am not satisfied with my dating life as well as my interactions with women.
After the failure of my last relationship over a year ago, I decided I needed to make a change. I needed to become more confident. There are all these people out there who tell you to "just be confident." The thing is, at least for me, blind confidence doesn't work. It needs to be backed up by concrete things. I decided to strike my insecurities at its core. One of my deep-seated insecurities is dancing. I recall during my youth that my most anxiety-inducing moments involved social events that involved dancing. I always envied the guys who could dance and have fun with the ladies.
I think most of us chose to learn to dance due to a specific situation or life event that occurred. For me, it was due to a series of failed relationship with girls. One common thread I noticed was that the girls I dated were interested in dance.
Dance schools and the dance world is a completely new world for me. I didn't know what I was getting into. I simply googled dance schools that were convenient locations nearby and I found one. I stumbled into it one evening to take a practice lesson and didn't know what to expect at all. I never grew up around dance or knew anyone in this particular industry.
I've been satisfied so far but one issue is that I am attracted to my instructor. Yah it's common. I know that now after reading this forum and doing more research. But you gotta understand for someone like me who has never known anyone or done anything dance-related, it's a strange new world for me.
And no, I'm not just physically attracted. As you all know, most dance instructors are physically attractive in some way. All the female dance instructors at my school are good looking in some way. But with my instructor, she has an attractive personality too.
Look, I get it. I work in the consulting field myself. I know it's part of the business model. This is how dance schools make money. You're supposed to like your instructor.
But I feel that in other ways, it's a recipe for disaster because although I can only speak for myself, I suspect a lot of people decide to take dance lessons due to dissatisfaction with something in their personal lives. I suspect I'm not the only male student who is single and dissatisfied with his dating life as well as his confidence with women. Most guys don't like to dance due to North American culture. It takes something dramatic to have happened in his life for a mind shift to occur where he actually steps through the door to decide to learn to dance. Usually it's something emotional like a break up or just feeling in a rut of his personal life.
And then suddenly, he's thrust into the arms of an attractive female teacher. Someone whose not only physically attractive but also has an attractive personality. Where for 45 minutes a week, she focuses all her attention on you and has a positive attitude throughout. Over time, she wants to see you succeed and is supportive and believes in you. This is a refreshing change from how guys like me are viewed by women he meets in his own life. Never good looking or tall enough, not charismatic or funny enough, not loud and popular as some of the other guys. Always something wrong with us. And here is someone who seems to be rooting for you and supportive of you. Not only that, but you're in close physical contact and develop a sort of rapport that way. It's truly unlike any other teacher-student relationship where the touch barriers are usually never breached.
Except she's like this with all her students and it's for her own self-interest and the dance school's interest for her to be like this. Not that it's necessarily disingenuous. I'm sure dance teachers have students they prefer teaching over others. They're human and some humans get along better than others.
But the simple fact is, had she met me in any other circumstance, she probably wouldn't have given a damn about me, just like most women I meet.
I am not blaming anyone nor am I bitter. I like my dance school. I like my instructor. Overall, it's benefited my life and I'm glad I took up this new hobby. I also realize dancing isn't something you get good at overnight. Like anything that is hard, it's a long term thing and it will take time, patience and hardwork. I enjoy the discipline and the way it makes me feel. I would continue even if I had to change instructors to someone who I wasn't attracted to. I like dancing for dancing.
However at the end of the day, I'm still a single guy with an unsatisfactory dating life and not confident even though everything else in my life is good. I have a good career, good family, and a few close friends. But I feel lonely and I'm getting older and so far nothing I've done has worked. When I go out socializing and I talk to women, I'm either met with just general friendliness or with disinterest.
I can see how dance schools can be a disaster for me. It's like, after being ignored by women for my entire life and having only had a handful of relationships that didn't work out, suddenly there's this attractive woman who you're in close physical contact with once a week and who seems to be supportive and even appreciative of all your faults.
I can see how vulnerable people like myself can totally get heartbroken in situations like this. Luckily, I've done my research and I've read articles and threads about this and I've decided that it is what it is and that it's the nature of the business. No one is malicious here and no one is at fault. But at the same time, we're human. You can't help how you feel about certain people.
But I guess this is the true test of one's devotion to dance, isn't it? So even despite not being able to ever have anything more with your instructor or to any of the instructors, are you gonna continue? Does your love for dance override all of that? I think for me so far, it's a yes. And maybe that's all that matters right now.
Don't want to get into detail about my background. I am 34 years old. Asian Male. I am shy but not necessarily introverted. There's a difference. An introvert chooses to be alone but a shy person is someone who yearns to be social but cannot due to personal insecurities. I have a good career. I have good family and friends. But I am not satisfied with my dating life as well as my interactions with women.
After the failure of my last relationship over a year ago, I decided I needed to make a change. I needed to become more confident. There are all these people out there who tell you to "just be confident." The thing is, at least for me, blind confidence doesn't work. It needs to be backed up by concrete things. I decided to strike my insecurities at its core. One of my deep-seated insecurities is dancing. I recall during my youth that my most anxiety-inducing moments involved social events that involved dancing. I always envied the guys who could dance and have fun with the ladies.
I think most of us chose to learn to dance due to a specific situation or life event that occurred. For me, it was due to a series of failed relationship with girls. One common thread I noticed was that the girls I dated were interested in dance.
Dance schools and the dance world is a completely new world for me. I didn't know what I was getting into. I simply googled dance schools that were convenient locations nearby and I found one. I stumbled into it one evening to take a practice lesson and didn't know what to expect at all. I never grew up around dance or knew anyone in this particular industry.
I've been satisfied so far but one issue is that I am attracted to my instructor. Yah it's common. I know that now after reading this forum and doing more research. But you gotta understand for someone like me who has never known anyone or done anything dance-related, it's a strange new world for me.
And no, I'm not just physically attracted. As you all know, most dance instructors are physically attractive in some way. All the female dance instructors at my school are good looking in some way. But with my instructor, she has an attractive personality too.
Look, I get it. I work in the consulting field myself. I know it's part of the business model. This is how dance schools make money. You're supposed to like your instructor.
But I feel that in other ways, it's a recipe for disaster because although I can only speak for myself, I suspect a lot of people decide to take dance lessons due to dissatisfaction with something in their personal lives. I suspect I'm not the only male student who is single and dissatisfied with his dating life as well as his confidence with women. Most guys don't like to dance due to North American culture. It takes something dramatic to have happened in his life for a mind shift to occur where he actually steps through the door to decide to learn to dance. Usually it's something emotional like a break up or just feeling in a rut of his personal life.
And then suddenly, he's thrust into the arms of an attractive female teacher. Someone whose not only physically attractive but also has an attractive personality. Where for 45 minutes a week, she focuses all her attention on you and has a positive attitude throughout. Over time, she wants to see you succeed and is supportive and believes in you. This is a refreshing change from how guys like me are viewed by women he meets in his own life. Never good looking or tall enough, not charismatic or funny enough, not loud and popular as some of the other guys. Always something wrong with us. And here is someone who seems to be rooting for you and supportive of you. Not only that, but you're in close physical contact and develop a sort of rapport that way. It's truly unlike any other teacher-student relationship where the touch barriers are usually never breached.
Except she's like this with all her students and it's for her own self-interest and the dance school's interest for her to be like this. Not that it's necessarily disingenuous. I'm sure dance teachers have students they prefer teaching over others. They're human and some humans get along better than others.
But the simple fact is, had she met me in any other circumstance, she probably wouldn't have given a damn about me, just like most women I meet.
I am not blaming anyone nor am I bitter. I like my dance school. I like my instructor. Overall, it's benefited my life and I'm glad I took up this new hobby. I also realize dancing isn't something you get good at overnight. Like anything that is hard, it's a long term thing and it will take time, patience and hardwork. I enjoy the discipline and the way it makes me feel. I would continue even if I had to change instructors to someone who I wasn't attracted to. I like dancing for dancing.
However at the end of the day, I'm still a single guy with an unsatisfactory dating life and not confident even though everything else in my life is good. I have a good career, good family, and a few close friends. But I feel lonely and I'm getting older and so far nothing I've done has worked. When I go out socializing and I talk to women, I'm either met with just general friendliness or with disinterest.
I can see how dance schools can be a disaster for me. It's like, after being ignored by women for my entire life and having only had a handful of relationships that didn't work out, suddenly there's this attractive woman who you're in close physical contact with once a week and who seems to be supportive and even appreciative of all your faults.
I can see how vulnerable people like myself can totally get heartbroken in situations like this. Luckily, I've done my research and I've read articles and threads about this and I've decided that it is what it is and that it's the nature of the business. No one is malicious here and no one is at fault. But at the same time, we're human. You can't help how you feel about certain people.
But I guess this is the true test of one's devotion to dance, isn't it? So even despite not being able to ever have anything more with your instructor or to any of the instructors, are you gonna continue? Does your love for dance override all of that? I think for me so far, it's a yes. And maybe that's all that matters right now.
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