Oh PUKE. It's like nothing has moved on. Not a comment on you D, as you clearly aren't like this, but whhhhhhyyyyyyy is this mentality still so common???????????????????
Do I have to dance with my friends?
- Thread starter wadpro
- Start date
Oh PUKE. It's like nothing has moved on. Not a comment on you D, as you clearly aren't like this, but whhhhhhyyyyyyy is this mentality still so common???????????????????
Exactly! Only one them is really goodAnd there is another problem, I am a litte tall (1.88 cm) and sometimes its very hard for me to dance shorter women, especially if they are not good enough.
As a short person (150cm) with mostly tiny friends who all dance with very tall people on a regular basis, I can tell you that it rare that the follower is not good enough. It is usually the leader.
Dave Bailey
Active Member
Of course, it's all their fault. For being, well, short.Exactly! Only one them is really good
Pah, followers, huh?
Dave Bailey
Active Member
As for the original question.
At a milonga, dance with the people you want to dance with.
That's it.
At a milonga, dance with the people you want to dance with.
That's it.
dcharmd1
New Member
As a follower, I only want to dance with people who likes to dance with me and not those who feel they are "obliged", just makes it more enjoyable for both parties that way. I don't have the power to change what others feel or think, I can only control my thoughts and my feelings, if others don't want to dance with me, I can decide to feel rejected or just get over it, friend or not.
Lilly_of_the_valley
Well-Known Member
Hmm... You know, I have plenty of friends in the tango community who I like to spend time with. I like having meals and conversations with them, we go to shows, music concerts, strolls in the park, hiking trips and pic-nicks... but, gasp! I do not like dancing tango with them, and therefore, I don't.
There are also others who (quite mutually) consider me a friend, and we spend fun time together. They are really nice people, I think they are fine dancers. I would like to dance with them, but they do not ask me in milongas, and it is completely fine with me. They do not stop being good friends because of that.
Lilly_of_the_valley
Well-Known Member
I think what ideally should happen is that the "ladies friends" get a little more educated about tango, and understand what it takes. Some people may say "Hey, be polite, why does not you dance a tanda with such and such? She is your friend. Come on, it will be a nice gesture, and it costs you nothing!" As many of us already know, it, in fact, does cost you quite a bit. And even when one is willing to be altruistic, one's resources are not infinite.
Unfortunately, a lot of people approach this activity with a consumer's attitude. Everyone owes them. The teachers have to make them good, the friends ought to help them, everybody has to dance with them in milongas...Being all for supporting newcomers, I do not believe it is an attitude to be honored and encouraged in the tango community. So, I would say to the OP, help as much as you can and want, but do not let your friends take advantage of you. Nobody is responsible for their education, for their feelings, for their fun, except themselves.
Unfortunately, a lot of people approach this activity with a consumer's attitude. Everyone owes them. The teachers have to make them good, the friends ought to help them, everybody has to dance with them in milongas...Being all for supporting newcomers, I do not believe it is an attitude to be honored and encouraged in the tango community. So, I would say to the OP, help as much as you can and want, but do not let your friends take advantage of you. Nobody is responsible for their education, for their feelings, for their fun, except themselves.
larrynla
Member
Common courtesy and common sense applies
Do you have to etc? No.
Common courtesy and common sense applies here. If you want people to dance with you when you ask them (most of the time), you must give them the same right. If you don't, then you are an unfeeling knat and deserve the cold shoulder you will begin to get.
Expanding the topic a bit, I try to keep track of which lady is dancing and how often. If I see someone who is not dancing a lot, or at all, I may go over to them and ask how they are doing. Long-time partners will be more open than total strangers, but even strangers may let me know they want to dance. If so, I ask them to dance.
Do you have to etc? No.
Common courtesy and common sense applies here. If you want people to dance with you when you ask them (most of the time), you must give them the same right. If you don't, then you are an unfeeling knat and deserve the cold shoulder you will begin to get.
Expanding the topic a bit, I try to keep track of which lady is dancing and how often. If I see someone who is not dancing a lot, or at all, I may go over to them and ask how they are doing. Long-time partners will be more open than total strangers, but even strangers may let me know they want to dance. If so, I ask them to dance.
It is nice to dance with ladies that do dance so often.
I danced with one, really enjoyed it, later she received more invitations.
It is also nice to invite beginners so they feel welcomed and have motivation to keep going on.
If some followers don't improve and are not willing to correct mistakes and I start avoiding them.
I danced with one, really enjoyed it, later she received more invitations.
It is also nice to invite beginners so they feel welcomed and have motivation to keep going on.
If some followers don't improve and are not willing to correct mistakes and I start avoiding them.
I would say that if the lady doesn't hurt me, I'm willing to dance with everyone at some point throughout the night.
My feelings exactly. I'm mainly there to dance tango, and I want the dances to be good ones. I also want to help and encourage beginners to learn more. I've given class lessons and I still give private lessons, so if someone really wants help from me, it's available. I just don't want to spend much time on the dance floor doing it. Also, if partners aren't making improvement, I dance with them less and less. I worked hard on improving my dance, and I expect similar from others. Some partners are not very serious about making improvements.
Here's a conumdrum....
Former students who are also supposedly "friends" (at least from the standpoint of tango events) who no longer come to me for lessons and are STILL making the very mistakes I tried to fix when they did. The mistakes that bother me most when dancing socially.
They have "progressed" to fancy stuff I wouldn't teach them til they resolved some basic technique issues and are taking classes that teach steps. As a result, their basics have gotten WORSE. They are now even MORE unpleasant to dance.
So what do I do when they ask me to dance? This is a small community. I don't want a reputation as a snob. I also don't want to damage potential for business. Nor do I want that person or anyone else to assume that I am refusing to dance with them because they dropped me as a teacher. If they dance well, I don't care that they are a "former" student who is now taking elsewhere.
But if the person was always awkward and unpleasant to dance with before, but I accepted their invites because I ALWAYS will dance with my own students no matter how bad they are at that point in their development... and now they are even MORE difficult to dance with
What do I do?
How do I avoid someone I used to always accept without it being misconstrued by them or others? Ther's no such thing as only alienating the one person here. I'd bite the bullet and deal with it, but one of these guys is about to go on my "no-fly" list because he's almost hurt me with his more aggresive leads (with more use of arms) I've danced with him since he was a total beginner and no one else would dance with him. Then a few years in (with him still not improving) he took some lessons from me. Then he stopped after a short while and went elsewhere. Now he's WORSE.
Sigh.
Sometimes I wish I were in a bigger area. Here we all know each other. In fact we're almost all facebook friends. I'd say everyone is on a first name basis and knows "beyond tango" details about each other's lives. Its not like London where you might know OF someone, but not know them. Or there are hundreds of people who dance and you dont' really always know everyone who shows up. Here, we ALL notice when a stranger shows up! When you refuse people, word gets around, and it isn't always pretty.
You're right. it's a conumdrum.
For me, I just try to decide which is worse, dancing with poor partners or not dancing with them. I just am guided by my main objective, which is to enjoy dancing tango.
I've had the same experience as you, as a teacher. When I teach, I teach dance fundamentals. I've had students go into retrograde when they began taking classes where steps were taught. Particularly the women, because I always made an effort to not teach them steps. In classes where sequences are being taught, followers are usually focusing on all the wrong things.
I am very clear about my own goals regarding tango, and I know that other people have quite different goals.
Lastly, I advocate that women inform their partners if they are being hurt. There is no reason that should be happening. For one thing, other women may be getting hurt also. For another thing, the leader may not know that he is causing pain, and be forever grateful that someone explained it to him. If I was causing dis-comfort, I would want some one to say so. Sure, someone's ego might get bruised, if you don't say it in a helpful way, but I still think it should be said, in any way available at the moment.
Light Sleeper
New Member
Oh dear, what an unpleasant situation. Is there any way you could take him to one side before he actually asks you to dance and try and say that his more 'authoritative' lead is affecting a back problem you've got? But like try and make it sound as 'neutral' as possible? Probably c**p advice... but just a thought - sorry to hear about the situation
One thing I've accepted though is that you have no control over what people think, they will wilfully misconstrue if they so wish - nothing we can do about it, beyond being considerate and polite I wouldn't worry about what other people think.