I have asked open questions, some follow-up questions, and scrupulously been non-judgemental. What is it I am supposed to have been provoking and spoiling?
Having problems with my wife dancing with other men
- Thread starter Improvisedsteps
- Start date
itwillhappen
Forum Master
How to know what is "disingenous" or not w/o judging?
How to know what is "proper" or not w/o judging?
You just feel more conservative and moral than some of the dancers here. That's just the way it is and is unlikely to change anymore, on both sides.
You forgot la bise, at least in Europe and some Anglophile countries. Or at least a handshake and hug pre-Covid. Is that even a thing in the States? Seem to recollect something about Trump trying to be macho with Macron.
There's a whole philosophy around our need to touch, of which AT is just one dance example. OK, it's danced in close hold. If it was painful or annoying we wouldn't do it. Just dance.
I formulated the question, and having an opinion on the answer does not equate to "judging" a person.
I was told by my instructors what was proper.
Perhaps. Notice that I thank people for kindness, clarity, generosity, etc.
You don't know how old I am. I'd hazard that new moves are invented all the time.
That's entirely possible, I agree.
I have not blamed anyone or anything. What I have done is express sentiments similar to those shared by a previous poster, and ask questions that might help deepen the two-way understanding between some dancers and their uncomfortable SOs. (Some dancers don't like the questions, and attack me.)
Well, that is the beginning and the end of the problem.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
No. But you claim in the profile that you're 36.
Loisa Donnay
Active Member
If you don't get over your jealousy, it's over for your relationship. I say this as a teacher who has seen many relationships survive, and many perish. The ones who survive are the ones who are not jealous of their partner's happiness and other friendships. The ones who perish are the ones that say "I don't understand why you want to ....." and "I don't think you should" or the worst "I forbid you to". Own your feelings, keep them to yourself, and let her know you want her to be happy.
TTanguero
Forum Master
This really is the bottom line. You can seek validation all you like (though here is a terrible place to do it), but there are only three ways this can end:
1. You get over yourself
2. You don't, and she continues dancing, as does this argument, until one of you leaves
3. You don't, and she stops dancing, and resents you forever/until she leaves you
I can't remember if I replied earlier but my 2 cents:
I dance several dances. I danced when I was single, when I was newly in relationships, when I was in a mature committed relationship and when I was newly single.
For me, much of kizomba and sensual bachata is overly and overtly sexualised. Blues has headed down a similar path. However the people who dance these dances regularly do not find them to be so nor are they conducting hundreds of affairs. When I take classes or dance these dances I am 100% focused on learning new dance skills. (My body isolations still need a lot of work). And lets not forget that society is constantly changing and what was scandalous in the past is totally fine now. There was a time when exposed ankles were horrifying!
I do not put tango in the same category as I find it to be a sensual rather than sexual dance. I am a straight woman and generally prefer to dance the traditionally female role of follower. I can dance the other role and I do dance with other women.
If I was interested in an affair I'd download Tindr or another dating app and I'd probably find a suitable person in a week or less. I definitely wouldn't spend months learning a new dance to slowly get to know new people. I wouldn't spend hundreds on classes, workshops, shoes etc etc.
I dance several dances. I danced when I was single, when I was newly in relationships, when I was in a mature committed relationship and when I was newly single.
For me, much of kizomba and sensual bachata is overly and overtly sexualised. Blues has headed down a similar path. However the people who dance these dances regularly do not find them to be so nor are they conducting hundreds of affairs. When I take classes or dance these dances I am 100% focused on learning new dance skills. (My body isolations still need a lot of work). And lets not forget that society is constantly changing and what was scandalous in the past is totally fine now. There was a time when exposed ankles were horrifying!
I do not put tango in the same category as I find it to be a sensual rather than sexual dance. I am a straight woman and generally prefer to dance the traditionally female role of follower. I can dance the other role and I do dance with other women.
If I was interested in an affair I'd download Tindr or another dating app and I'd probably find a suitable person in a week or less. I definitely wouldn't spend months learning a new dance to slowly get to know new people. I wouldn't spend hundreds on classes, workshops, shoes etc etc.
"...jealous of someone's happiness and other friendships"? Holy moly. It might help to re-read the posts that started and re-started his thread.
Relationships thrive on communications and shared understanding. Any topic - career, dancing, choice of kids' school, whatever - can start with "I don't understand..." which then leads to conversations which then lead to understanding.
No relationship works where you keep your feelings to yourself.
Have done. She knows very well - and is empathetic to my situation.