How Are Your Lessons Going? Thread 3

[Misspendragon]

Lesson on Wed. with ProV was just ok…I asked him for help with some of the showcase bits I’m struggling with, and in hindsight, that was a mistake. I wasn’t asking for an evaluation of the choreo or suggestions on how to change it. I just want help as in, “on counts 4-5-6 he spins me to the right while I’m extending one leg back; then on count 7 I’m supposed to bring that leg down & spin 360 to my right, then on count 8 I land and we immediately start doing shadow right turns. What can I do to minimize getting dizzy?” Instead of advice on dizziness, he wanted to rewrite parts of the routine.

(And then at lesson yesterday with Pro, he basically said no to all of ProV’s suggested showcase tweaks, as I expected.)

Anyway, the studio is hosting a “Nightclub Fun Friday” this week, and ProV apparently thought I was going to dance with him there, because we spent the second half of my lesson dancing hustle and NC2S. When he brought over the signup paperwork at the end of my lesson, I told him I don’t do nightclub dances, and I’ve never participated in the nightclub fun Fridays because I haven’t ever wanted to.

He didn’t seem to believe me (or certainly didn’t WANT to believe me), and tried to persuade me to change my mind. “But it’ll be so much fun! I love dancing with you! You follow so great! You should try something new!” I rolled my eyes & told him my regular teacher didn’t even bother to show me the paperwork, because he knows I have no interest in dancing at a nightclub fun Friday. I said he should go ask Pro to join us, & if PRO was interested, then I would possibly consider it, but I truly had very little interest in doing so.

To my surprise, he went to the staff room and came back with Pro (who was on his lunch break!!!). I said openly, speaking to both teachers, that ProV was using franchise-level-aggressive sales tactics to try to talk me into doing the nightclub dance this Friday, & what did he think about it? He raised his eyebrows & said dubiously, “well…I mean…if that’s something you really WANT to do…is it? You don’t really know the nightclub dances except hustle and salsa.” I said no, I don’t. He said anyway, Studio Mgr had already prepared the program (heat list). ProV jumped in to say “but at our meeting, he said we could still sign students up! He hasn’t printed it yet.” I said no.

Then ProV went out again & came back with the credit card reader. I looked at him in surprise & laughed. “You don’t need that. I told you, I don’t want to do it.” “But - not even just 6 dances? Two salsa, 2 hustle, & 2 NC2S? It was so much fun at your lesson!” “Yes,” I replied patiently, “it WAS fun at my lesson, because it was just the two of us, so the fact that I don’t actually know how to do those dances didn’t matter. With an audience, and paying to dance those heats, it would NOT be fun for me. Also, I don’t do bachata, merengue, WCS, or samba - so I’d spent most of the night sitting down. That would not be fun. I don’t want to do it.”

I thanked Pro & apologized for interrupting his lunch, & he went back to the staff room. ProV still didn’t give up. I tried changing the subject: “so, when is my next lesson with you?” He crossed his arms and did a mock dramatic pout, saying, “I don’t know. Are you dancing with me Friday night?” I raised my eyebrows and replied in my lawyer voice, “if continuing lessons with you requires that I dance at the nightclub fun Friday, then let me just say, it has been a real pleasure working with you and I will miss our lessons together.” He looked panicked & assured me he was just kidding - of course we will continue lessons - it was just a joke - “I’ll see you next Wednesday at our normal time!” Bless his heart.

Hopefully, Pro will be giving ProV some helpful hints on how to read clients better to know when - and when DEFINITELY NOT - to push.

Followup: I saw ProV yesterday before my lesson with Pro. He came over to hug me (we are an extremely huggy studio - all students get hugged by all teachers at every opportunity, before, during, and after lessons), and asked me if I’d changed my mind about Friday night. Studio Mgr was standing there, so I asked exasperatedly, “do you have some type of quota you have to fill? Is he going to get in trouble if not enough students sign up?” Studio Mgr nodded gravely and said, “yes, he will be deported.” I laughed & said “no way. His wife & daughter finally moved here last week.” Studio Mgr shrugged & said “well, THEY can stay.” I just shook my head and looked intently into his eyes, enunciating clearly, “I. Don’t. Want. To. Do. The. Nightclub. Fun. Friday.” Studio Mgr switched instantly from funny guy mode to business owner mode & nodded his head, glancing at ProV then back to me. “Absolutely. If you don’t want to do it, then of course you shouldn’t sign up. We will never ask you to do something you don’t want to do.”

THANK you.

Maybe it's just my negative experiences with ex studio managers, but I would not be surprised if ProV had been pressured into trying to make you sign up. What you are describing goes well beyond just having jokes, and I know from personal experience that Eastern European Pros on a visa can feel very anxious about pleasing their studios/bosses.

This must have been quite unpleasant for you. Sorry .

 

[Cal]

If even the Studio Manager was putting his thumb on the scale…..then cynical me wonders if there will be any ever-so-subtle-retaliation against you from the Studio. Something like, you ask about scheduling an extra lesson or two, and they can’t fit you in; or you are the last student who is made aware of a certain event so when you ask about entering it, they’ve already given your preferred age/skill level to a different student….

(No, Cal, don’t think like that!)

 

[singndance]

If even the Studio Manager was putting his thumb on the scale…..then cynical me wonders if there will be any ever-so-subtle-retaliation against you from the Studio. Something like, you ask about scheduling an extra lesson or two, and they can’t fit you in; or you are the last student who is made aware of a certain event so when you ask about entering it, they’ve already given your preferred age/skill level to a different student….

(No, Cal, don’t think like that!)

No, Cal, don’t go there!!!

Let’s give the new guy the benefit of the doubt. He thought PNP would cave, so he pushed way too hard. Hopefully he learned his lesson.

I hate to leave her with the thought the studio would do that…..

 

[lucia_l]

Maybe it's just my negative experiences with ex studio managers, but I would not be surprised if ProV had been pressured into trying to make you sign up. What you are describing goes well beyond just having jokes, and I know from personal experience that Eastern European Pros on a visa can feel very anxious about pleasing their studios/bosses.

It definitely sounds like ProV was pressured into trying to make PNP sign up. And the deportation "jokes" are way out of line. Deportation is no joke even if your home country isn't impoverished or war torn. Imagine not only losing your job but having to pack up and move all your stuff to another country? And find a job in another country where your professional connections have gone stale?

I mean, even if you were Canadian and the deportation meant going to a stable country, suddenly having to uproot yourself is a big hit.

 

[TonyaL]

Fairly new to cha cha. Working on syncopation of steps, holding (not rushing the steps) and ”posing”. I’ve been dancing foe less than 10 months. IMHO My strengths are Latin and “club” dances such as Rumba, very basic salsa, swing, and hustle. Waltz is my most challenging dances. I love Tango but have trouble with the close hold connection and neck action. (I do not know dance terms so these are my laymen terms )

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

New guy trying to cajole you…read you wrong…but in his defense, most women would give in, so you cant blame him for trying. Now, if he does it again, I’d be angry. I hate that stuff.

Also in his defense, not just “most women” would give in - I did too, wrt the Standard Fun Friday! At first I was gonna do smooth that night with Pro. Then also maybe just a few standard heats with ProV. But eventually I did 10 standard heats with ProV & zero smooth. And he didn’t even have to try that hard to talk me into it.

Similarly, with the rhythm fun night, he suggested we do some dances together, and I said yes. So it’s not unreasonable for him to think that I might be someone who likes to be persuaded or asked more than once.

I would not be surprised if ProV had been pressured into trying to make you sign up.

oh no doubt!!! Especially since he mentioned a meeting at which Studio Mgr said they could still sign up more students even though it’s last-minute.

If even the Studio Manager was putting his thumb on the scale…..then cynical me wonders if there will be any ever-so-subtle-retaliation against you from the Studio. Something like, you ask about scheduling an extra lesson or two, and they can’t fit you in; or you are the last student who is made aware of a certain event so when you ask about entering it, they’ve already given your preferred age/skill level to a different student….

(No, Cal, don’t think like that!)

Ah, CyniCAL, you’re even more suspicious than I am! But actually, I think this came from the opposite direction. I think ProV made a point of asking me about it again right in front of Studio Mgr, so the latter could hear my response for himself. I can imagine a conversation in which SM told ProV he must not have tried hard enough, “because PNP loves stuff like this, & after all, she danced with you on the standard and rhythm nights, so I’m sure she will sign up if you keep asking”…and even though ProV understood by then I wasn’t gonna change my mind, he wanted SM to hear me say it.

Pretend like the other pro does not exist when you are on lessons with the one.

Ugh - I feel so naive! I knew this was a “thing,” but somehow I thought it wouldn’t apply to me, because both my teachers are employees of the same studio. Duh.

reading about this unrelenting sales pitch almost made my blood boil

My brain automatically changed the following words in her post

"Bless his heart"
and
"THANK you"

to other words...

This must have been quite unpleasant for you.

Wow, guys! My reaction was much, much milder than yours. It wasn’t an unpleasant experience for me; just surprising because it’s so not what I’m used to. They really don’t push there. They offer an event (comp, showcase, mini-match, fun Friday), describe it for you, recommend that you try each at least once to see if you have fun, but if you say no, they shrug & suggest that you consider trying it in the future, & drop the subject.

I was surprised by ProV’s persistence, but not angry. I still think he’s adorable. I said “bless his heart” because he clearly doesn’t know me as well as he thinks, and I find it amusing to be underestimated. Also I did feel a little sorry for him, since I know there’s probably some impact on his job (maybe income, maybe reputation or ego), and I knew I was not giving him the answer he wanted and expected.

PNP, you have a lot of patience and tact, and still managed to avoid saying yes to something you didn't want to say yes to! That's not easy with high pressure sales.

LOLOLOLOLOL patience? Me??? LOLOLOLOLOLOL
ok but seriously, yes, I can be very tactful and diplomatic when I choose to. It’s just not my default setting. As for saying no to high pressure sales, that has never been difficult for me. The more aggressive they are, the more firmly I dig my heels in. And I don’t bluff. If I say “if you do XYZ then I will stop taking lessons with you,” then I mean it, and I am prepared to follow through. Maybe that’s why it’s easy for me to stay polite.

For anyone who wants pointers, here’s something useful to practice saying: “ ‘NO’ is a complete sentence, and this conversation is now over.”

 

[Misspendragon]

It definitely sounds like ProV was pressured into trying to make PNP sign up. And the deportation "jokes" are way out of line. Deportation is no joke even if your home country isn't impoverished or war torn. Imagine not only losing your job but having to pack up and move all your stuff to another country? And find a job in another country where your professional connections have gone stale?

I mean, even if you were Canadian and the deportation meant going to a stable country, suddenly having to uproot yourself is a big hit.

I agree. The deportation joke was wrong on multiple levels.

 

[Misspendragon]

I think ProV made a point of asking me about it again right in front of Studio Mgr, so the latter could hear my response for himself.

That was exactly my reading on this, too.

 

[Misspendragon]

I was surprised by ProV’s persistence, but not angry. I still think he’s adorable.

The power of body language...

 

[DoWrongRight]

I'm back... was I ever gone? I am almost certain its been a coons age since I have posted much though.

Part I: The Smoke
I have mostly been taking 1 lesson a week for the last 2-3 months because work has gotten all worky and hitting a group class here and there. During this period we were initially working on updating various comp routines because the studio has been planning to attend another comp. I opted out because they studio expects you to do a minimum of double lessons at least 6 weeks out from a comp and my schedule wouldn't allow that. There was also significantly less people going to dance with my instructor and that would have raised my costs beyond what I am willing to pay. So my lessons turned towards working on showpieces for some studio events coming up. Largely the lessons have focused on Tango, which is good because it is a style I am not the strongest in. The lessons have covered a decent ground, a good portion, probably 3 weeks, has went to roughing out choreography and placements. My instructor discovered she taught me a pattern incorrectly, so I have been trying to unlearn that. She has made consistent commentary about how good frame and connection has been in Tango. The lessons have been effective, plenty of joking around, and learning/being involved in the creative aspect.

Part II: I Don't Want This Smoke
Recently I had mentioned I was ready to go back to double lessons. We scheduled them and then came the return to double lessons. The first one wound up starting 15 minutes late as the lesson before mine ran long for some reason. This didn't thrill me because I had rushed to make the time; it would have been nice to have some notification that the schedule needed to be pushed back. Once we started it was a normal lesson, at first. The playfulness ended rather quickly. As she put it she has been placed under orders to be tougher on students and not let us "goof" off as much, per the studio manager. He pulled a similar stunt earlier in the year. I briefly talked to him and mentioned that I don't appreciate that style of instruction.

My instructor continued the lesson with the "tougher" stance and no play. The longer the lesson went the more I became frustrated. I appreciate constructive criticism, but as I have mentioned before, everything I do receives criticism I begin to think I can't do ANYTHING correct. Also when previous things were receiving praise and are now receiving criticism the amount of cognitive dissonance created is hard to deal with. I don't quite know what to believe.

The tougher stance has continued in the second set of lessons as well. The toughness is very unnatural and it is clear that I do not enjoy the lessons as much. When my instructor has attempted to add a quip in here and there, I have been fairly short with responses because of the style of instruction. There were 2 exchanges within the 2nd set of doubles that were as close we have gotten to arguing. The first was around practice. I practice outside of the studio, usually 3-4 times a week. Recently I have been busier and my practice time has dwindled to once or none. I had done something incorrectly a few times in a row and my instructor said I needed to make sure to practice. Like a dummy, I said I haven't been practicing much lately because I have been busier.

This was met with "If you have time to make an excuse you have time to practice."
I said, "I have been busy and there hasn't....." (before I could finish I was interrupted)
"All I am hearing are excuses."
"If you could...." (interuption)
"Excuses... I'm not here for excuses."

At this point I let it drop because I don't enjoy being interrupted and this is a (choice words) hobby. The amount of time I spend practicing or not practicing is up to me. In the end it is SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!

The next instance revolved around indications of needing to exercise more. I am not the most svelte of folks, but I manage. I have lost considerable weight and could lose more. My instructor knows I exercise regularly because we have talked about it. During the lesson she started to comment on different exercises I could start doing because the studio manager has been recommending them to her. And for possible diet changes that the studio manager has been suggesting to her. I only mentioned that I would think of implementing some of the exercises.

By the time the lessons were winding up I was fairly withdrawn. The lessons have gone from a style of instruction I respond well too into a style that I do not. My instructor is getting pressure from the manager because of what he believes is too much play. I would agree sometimes we goof off a bit much, but at the same time I learn in between keeping things light. If he wants to turn the studio into more of a hyper competitive environment, then I will gladly bid adieu.

When we were taking notes my instructor could tell I was basically a whooped dog. I have been a generally good student. She attempted to make amends and offer some praise during our recap of the lesson. Its hard to take it as true after the way the lessons have went. I kept my answers short and I was definitely uninterested. She asked if anything was wrong and I said I don't respond as well to the style of instruction lately. I tried to keep it as clinical as possible. She looked like I had kicked her in the stomach. Which was also an unpleasant feeling because we typically get along really well.

Part III: Vanish into the Smoke
I don't know exactly where things will go from here, but I am not enjoying the turn. If the studio decides to mandate this as the path forward then my decision will be to just walk away. I will save a lot of money and can find other outlets for dancing.

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

I'm back

Welcome back! We’ve missed youuuuuuuuu!!!

"Excuses... I'm not here for excuses."

Ohhhh…not cool.

this is a (choice words) hobby. The amount of time I spend practicing or not practicing is up to me. In the end it is SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!

Exactly. And that should be their attitude as well (unless a student has expressly asked to be treated otherwise [but in the beginning, when I asked MY teacher to push me & be strict, even if that meant being less playful, he adamantly refused, saying “that’s not how I teach” and “that’s not an effective approach for most people - if you don’t enjoy it, you won’t learn” - and in hindsight, I agree with him]).

The next instance revolved around indications of needing to exercise more. I am not the most svelte of folks, but I manage. I have lost considerable weight and could lose more. My instructor knows I exercise regularly because we have talked about it. During the lesson she started to comment on different exercises I could start doing because the studio manager has been recommending them to her.

Ohhhhhhh…..WAY not cool. You are not in training to become a professional dancer, which imo is the only circumstance that would make it appropriate for your dance teacher/coach to tell you how & how much to exercise and what & how much to eat. (Well, I suppose another circumstance would be, like I said above, if you have expressly ASKED for guidance & nagging in these areas.) I know she couched it in terms of “I’m just passing along info the studio mgr gave to me,” but if the way you heard it was, “you are not acceptable as you are,” then THAT IS NOT OK.

My instructor is getting pressure from the manager because of what he believes is too much play. I would agree sometimes we goof off a bit much,

Umm…aren’t you the one paying for the teacher’s time? What business is it of his how you choose to spend that time? If you want to stand there & chat with your teacher about football for your entire lesson, that’s your right. If you want to goof off during your lesson and just enjoy yourself, even if you learn nothing at all about dance, that’s your right. And if you learn better from a teaching style that is fun and light-hearted and omits harsh criticism, then that’s the teaching style they should use with you.

Unless the studio has said “don’t waste our time by taking lessons here unless you intend to be a dedicated competitor who prioritizes dance above all other activities,” then the studio mgr’s emphasis on “fun=bad” makes no sense to me. (Dude - shut up & take DoWrongRight’s money!!!)

Of course, there may be things going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about. There might be some issue between your teacher & her boss, maybe this is a hot button for him, maybe her fun approach has resulted in bad outcomes in the past (e.g., if a student misinterpreted her actions as flirting-with-intent; or complained that his progress wasn’t fast enough because she wasted too much time). If there IS some legitimate basis for his concern, then I can understand why he’d be worried, but I nonetheless stand by what I said above. Not all students are alike. Just because one previous student had a problem with someone’s teaching method doesn’t mean the method is bad - it just wasn’t the right teaching method for that student.

If the studio decides to mandate this as the path forward then my decision will be to just walk away.

Noooooo!!! But yes. I really hope that won’t be necessary. I recommend that you be very blunt with both your teacher and the studio mgr that this is your mindset. If they say “too bad, that’s the way it is here,” then of course you should walk away. But hopefully their response will be “oh, sorry! We’ll stop pushing so hard and will encourage you to have fun & enjoy your dance journey.”

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sucks.

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

I just downloaded the remote camera app to my watch and tested it - it worked! THIS IS SO COOL!

Sigh. This hasn’t worked as well as I thought it would. On the phone’s video screen, I usually have to zoom out to 0.7-0.8 to cover enough of the ballroom. But when I’m stopping & starting the recording from my watch, the original zoom selection doesn’t hold - it resets to 1.0. And several times I’ve inadvertently stopped the recording without realizing it - maybe I bumped my watch - but that shouldn’t matter if it’s on the home screen, right? Or maybe the recording stops automatically if I take my watch back to the home screen? Idk. Will continue to play with it.

 

[Misspendragon]

I'm back... was I ever gone? I am almost certain its been a coons age since I have posted much though.

Part I: The Smoke
I have mostly been taking 1 lesson a week for the last 2-3 months because work has gotten all worky and hitting a group class here and there. During this period we were initially working on updating various comp routines because the studio has been planning to attend another comp. I opted out because they studio expects you to do a minimum of double lessons at least 6 weeks out from a comp and my schedule wouldn't allow that. There was also significantly less people going to dance with my instructor and that would have raised my costs beyond what I am willing to pay. So my lessons turned towards working on showpieces for some studio events coming up. Largely the lessons have focused on Tango, which is good because it is a style I am not the strongest in. The lessons have covered a decent ground, a good portion, probably 3 weeks, has went to roughing out choreography and placements. My instructor discovered she taught me a pattern incorrectly, so I have been trying to unlearn that. She has made consistent commentary about how good frame and connection has been in Tango. The lessons have been effective, plenty of joking around, and learning/being involved in the creative aspect.

Part II: I Don't Want This Smoke
Recently I had mentioned I was ready to go back to double lessons. We scheduled them and then came the return to double lessons. The first one wound up starting 15 minutes late as the lesson before mine ran long for some reason. This didn't thrill me because I had rushed to make the time; it would have been nice to have some notification that the schedule needed to be pushed back. Once we started it was a normal lesson, at first. The playfulness ended rather quickly. As she put it she has been placed under orders to be tougher on students and not let us "goof" off as much, per the studio manager. He pulled a similar stunt earlier in the year. I briefly talked to him and mentioned that I don't appreciate that style of instruction.

My instructor continued the lesson with the "tougher" stance and no play. The longer the lesson went the more I became frustrated. I appreciate constructive criticism, but as I have mentioned before, everything I do receives criticism I begin to think I can't do ANYTHING correct. Also when previous things were receiving praise and are now receiving criticism the amount of cognitive dissonance created is hard to deal with. I don't quite know what to believe.

The tougher stance has continued in the second set of lessons as well. The toughness is very unnatural and it is clear that I do not enjoy the lessons as much. When my instructor has attempted to add a quip in here and there, I have been fairly short with responses because of the style of instruction. There were 2 exchanges within the 2nd set of doubles that were as close we have gotten to arguing. The first was around practice. I practice outside of the studio, usually 3-4 times a week. Recently I have been busier and my practice time has dwindled to once or none. I had done something incorrectly a few times in a row and my instructor said I needed to make sure to practice. Like a dummy, I said I haven't been practicing much lately because I have been busier.

This was met with "If you have time to make an excuse you have time to practice."
I said, "I have been busy and there hasn't....." (before I could finish I was interrupted)
"All I am hearing are excuses."
"If you could...." (interuption)
"Excuses... I'm not here for excuses."

At this point I let it drop because I don't enjoy being interrupted and this is a (choice words) hobby. The amount of time I spend practicing or not practicing is up to me. In the end it is SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!

The next instance revolved around indications of needing to exercise more. I am not the most svelte of folks, but I manage. I have lost considerable weight and could lose more. My instructor knows I exercise regularly because we have talked about it. During the lesson she started to comment on different exercises I could start doing because the studio manager has been recommending them to her. And for possible diet changes that the studio manager has been suggesting to her. I only mentioned that I would think of implementing some of the exercises.

By the time the lessons were winding up I was fairly withdrawn. The lessons have gone from a style of instruction I respond well too into a style that I do not. My instructor is getting pressure from the manager because of what he believes is too much play. I would agree sometimes we goof off a bit much, but at the same time I learn in between keeping things light. If he wants to turn the studio into more of a hyper competitive environment, then I will gladly bid adieu.

When we were taking notes my instructor could tell I was basically a whooped dog. I have been a generally good student. She attempted to make amends and offer some praise during our recap of the lesson. Its hard to take it as true after the way the lessons have went. I kept my answers short and I was definitely uninterested. She asked if anything was wrong and I said I don't respond as well to the style of instruction lately. I tried to keep it as clinical as possible. She looked like I had kicked her in the stomach. Which was also an unpleasant feeling because we typically get along really well.

Part III: Vanish into the Smoke
I don't know exactly where things will go from here, but I am not enjoying the turn. If the studio decides to mandate this as the path forward then my decision will be to just walk away. I will save a lot of money and can find other outlets for dancing.

It seems to me you need to have a serious conversation with your Pro about your goals. Telling you how much to practice, recommendations on exercises and bringing up weight, making an effort to use lesson time more productively (by which I mean geared towards maximum amount of time dedicated to extending your knowledge of dancing; goofing around can be productive, too) all of that make sense IF you have openly expressed to you Pro, and have reached an understanding with her on the matter, that your primary goal with your lessons is to compete and become as knowledgeable and successful of a dance athlete as you can be. Otherwise, if you are at the studio to learn dancing but with the primary goal of adding fun and enjoyment to your life (not through the process of serious training to become a competitive dancer but because of the act of dancing itself), than Pro should keep her thoughts on your weight, as well as her comments about practicing, to herself, and set as her primary aim for your lesson enjoyment instead of effectiveness.

And unless your studio is a strictly "hardcore competitors only" kind of place, it's your prerogative what you want out of your dancing and both Pro and studio manager should honor that.

 

[IndyLady]

I'm back... was I ever gone? I am almost certain its been a coons age since I have posted much though.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

work has gotten all worky

Part II: I Don't Want This Smoke

Totally understood, profits (prophets?) are down, but I've got several packages of solo cups here waiting in the wings so I.WANT.THE.SMOKE. We just have to get the good smoke back. #stirspot

(If I took this in the wrong direction, please pretend it didn't happen)

Others said it better, but I am in support of talking to studio owner / pro and informing them that this weird "tough guy" coach cosplay thing they are doing is not effective.

This was met with "If you have time to make an excuse you have time to practice."
I said, "I have been busy and there hasn't....." (before I could finish I was interrupted)
"All I am hearing are excuses."
"If you could...." (interuption)
"Excuses... I'm not here for excuses."

People can seriously lose me with the unsolicited power trips about excuses. It's never about inspiring or motivating someone to go do something, it's designed to make them feel bad about themselves and the "excuses" accuser to puff themselves up.

She asked if anything was wrong and I said I don't respond as well to the style of instruction lately. I tried to keep it as clinical as possible. She looked like I had kicked her in the stomach. Which was also an unpleasant feeling because we typically get along really well.

Oh irony. When I was a kid, my family used to say "so you can dish it out but you can't take it". (Yes, we had a lot of, err, discussions that led to this observation).

Part III: Vanish into the Smoke
I don't know exactly where things will go from here, but I am not enjoying the turn. If the studio decides to mandate this as the path forward then my decision will be to just walk away. I will save a lot of money and can find other outlets for dancing.

I do hope things get better. It seems like your studio keeps having these weird identity crises (because I recall something like this happened before). Are they a fun play studio or a bootcamp comp studio, or both depending on the student? They can't seem to decide, and they're awkwardly stumbling through the self-discovery process.

 

[joy]

I'm back... was I ever gone? I am almost certain its been a coons age since I have posted much though.

You have been missed.

I think you should call the studio and ask for a meeting with the instructor and studio manager at the same time. So you can set expectations clearly.

There are 2 types of students at studios: the hardcore, dance obsessive ones, and the ones who want to chat, joke and play.

I think it's the people in the middle that confuses teachers, and it's hard to find balance.

I am hardcore and obsessive but I also want to play, and it took a while to balance it. And sometimes the balance does get off where it's too much work. But lately, I've had instances where it's too much talking and joking and I wanted to dance more. It's a pretty delicate balance but I think part of the teacher's job is to figure that out.

I've tried positive reinforcement with my teacher where I will tell him: That last set of lessons was a good balance of work and play and jokes.

A few other things:
- Conversations about weight is just a part of the dance world, especially the higher up you go. I get praised when I lose weight. I've had candy taken out of my hands. I know this will drive some other students into a rage, but I have other battles to focus on (like the balance between play and work). And the dance world is biased and f-ed up about weight.

- Praise. You said something interesting, implying that your pro's praise is suspect since other times she's critical. My Pro doesn't praise me a lot. Other people praise me. Coaches praise me, judges praise me, world champions praise me. It's definitely taught me that praise is subjective. And validation, while nice, isn't constantly necessary.