This post may end up being more rambling than sense, but the OPs topic is one after my own heart, and because of that I will not apologize
Ballroom Dancing is, as with most things invented by mankind, a metaphor for life itself. I would perhaps go one step further to say that it is not
like a relationship or a marriage but rather it
is a relationship or a marriage. It is a relationship first and foremost, and most obviously, between the two partnered individuals. And within this partnering [of two individual persons] are embodied all the things of any other partnering: communication, respect, loyalty, caring, compassion, empathy, give and take just to name a few. The list is perhaps endless, but that will suffice since we all know of what we speak.
Communication in dance is paramount. Dance arguably is communication in itself, but the "lead and follow" aspect is of course the easiest example of this phenomenon. I prefer to use the terms initiator and responder, truthfully, rather than leader and follower... and while I understand that these can be used interchangeably, and I understand what we mean when we use these terms, I believe the later captures the actual process far more accurately. A "lead" must be clear, succinct, not aggressive but firm, and a "follow" must be pliable and allowed. But this is not only true for dancing. Communication, and effective communication at that, is something that many are unfamiliar with. We seldom listen to hear, and we seldom speak to be heard. In dancing, as in life, one must first strive to understand, and strive to be understood second.
Ballroom is, as history teaches us, a sport of elegance and beauty, and so respect is something that cannot be missing from the partnership. The idea of etiquette in asking for a dance, in declining a dance, in embodying the spirit of the dance, in the playful and often raw and sexual exchanges of energy during dancing -- all of these things must be done with the greatest respect for not only one's partner but the onlookers, as well as all those that have preceded.
I could go on in detail about each characteristic listed above but I shalln't. I think the idea is clear enough with the first two examples, and if it isn't, by all means you have but to ask and I will elaborate. The true thing I want to touch upon, however, regarding how dancing is like, or is, a relationship is perhaps the relationship that is often overlooked in all facets of life, and too often I think in dancing as well: the relationship with the self.
Dancing is perhaps one of very few activities/sports that entails the use of a mirror for evaluation. Yoga kind of does, weightlifting employs mirrors as well, and to some extent martial art does as well. But I would argue that nowhere is the mirror more needed than in dancing (and as I write that sentence I am also aware that it is also not nearly as needed as we think, but that is a different topic for another time). This is perhaps the easiest example of the pathway to the true relationship that dancing forces us to forge -- our own. We spend countless hours in front of the mirror, correcting and nitpicking. And it is through this process that we begin to either love who and what we are becoming, or we choose to focus on the negatives and become far too critical. Dancing forces the individual to push onward through uncomfortable, embarrassing, and sometimes soul crushing things in order to cleanse that which is not essential to the craft, and ultimately, to that individual.
And it is this process that we must embrace and thank if we are to truly be anything, be it in dance or in life, or whatever other endeavor we choose to pursue. Before we can have a partner we must first and foremost get ourselves in order.
As an individual dancer I
must be aware of my own balance, my own posture, my own weight-shifts, my own movement(s) and interpretations prior to channeling that to someone else and asking them to interpret what I am putting out. I often would tell my male students, and female students as well, that they need to discover the rhythm and the sensation in their own muscles and bones first before even thinking about the timing assigned by someone else through [a] song. And, of course, as this process is painstakingly slow and oft revealing of our misunderstandings about ourselves or the given subject, we are forced to confront none other than the person responsible for bringing us to this endeavor: our own self.
Deep down it is this relationship that is the beginning of all others. Ballroom Dancing is of course a couple's sport, an activity meant for two. Dancing figures on one's own is ridiculous; there is no vessel that can absorb and immediately reflect the intended flow of energy if there is no partner. But just as a "leader" has to know himself before s/he can lead, so must a "follower." To be able to respond appropriately, to be able to play with the allotted time, to be able to provide flourish -- that, too, takes self-knowledge. The same trials and tribulations that someone learning to lead goes through, so does someone learning to follow. Atop that, learning to "follow" often is interchangeably used with "learning to be subservient," which could not be any less true!
And this is perhaps the next relationship [ballroom] dancing invites us to become familiar with and explore -- the relationship with power. As a "leader" cannot go mad with power, so a "follower" cannot be overtaken by it. To lead is to serve and to follow is to empower, and this delicate balance is physically embodied in each and every pattern the couple dances. The stability of each individual dancer contributes to the stability of the couple, and similarly for all other concepts related to dance: communication, interpretation, etc.
It's rather cyclical, and curious, as dance is the idea that in order for two to become one each one must be whole first.
I can go on for hours about the philosophical implications of dance and its nuances, but I am going to stop because I have graduate work to do. I humbly thank you for entertaining me, even if just this once.
