toothlesstiger
Well-Known Member
I am haunted by visions of waggling eye-brows...
How to flirt, and why.
- Thread starter toothlesstiger
- Start date
I am haunted by visions of waggling eye-brows...
madmaximus
Forum Master
Why do women who flirt sometimes bite their lips. It's cruel!! Stop that at once
aiya...
I hear ya FD.
Had a partner that exploited that to her advantage...
m
madmaximus
Forum Master
hmm...
I would have gone with: "You know, you look so regal when you have your hair like so..." spoken with just a little wonderment, held for a moment, followed by a smile, let the moment pass, and then followed by "shall we dance?" or something trite like that.
m
toothlesstiger
Well-Known Member
And if that's the way you normally talk, and there is some truth in your feeling that way, it could work....
For flirtation to really work, there has to be some truth in it. You could say that you are choosing to emphasize certain things.
fascination
Site Moderator
I don't flirt (but if i did, i wouldn't be sharing my secrets here )
danceronice
Forum Master
Why do women who flirt sometimes bite their lips. It's cruel!! Stop that at once
Note to self: bite lip....
Honestly? "Did you change your hair? ["Yes, I usually wear it up."] It looks nice!" Works well. (I agree with toothless, "regal" works if that's how you normally talk. If it sounds like you're trying to crib from a Regency Romance, don't. Talk how you normally talk. I would guess from his posts that's a max thing to say. I don't know if most men could pull that off.)
SMILE. Eye contact. For men, 'easy confidence' works with me--friendly, confident, no need to be obnxious or try to come up with a compliment just for the sake of it. Really, I'm the biggest sucker who a guy who seems to genuinely be interested in talking to me and listening to me and obviously isn't worried about just...chatting.
JudeMorrigan
Forum Master
Yeah, I think the only way *I* could possibly pull that off is if I said it in such a fashion that it was clear I was being silly. Something along the lines of "It looks nice!" or "you look great!" seems like a much safer bet for most guys.Note to self: bite lip....
Honestly? "Did you change your hair? ["Yes, I usually wear it up."] It looks nice!" Works well. (I agree with toothless, "regal" works if that's how you normally talk. If it sounds like you're trying to crib from a Regency Romance, don't. Talk how you normally talk. I would guess from his posts that's a max thing to say. I don't know if most men could pull that off.)
This is going to sound weird. But what the heck. I've sounded weird here many a time. Flirt with people you don't care about or even find attractive.
A couple years ago, I took the complaint free world challenge. I won't go into details about what that is, but I can dig up a link if you want.
Anyway, during the time I was taking the challenge, when I had mean thoughts about other people (which was startlingly often,) I would force myself to mentally go back and replace the mean thought with a positive one.
"What was she thinking when she put on that ridiculous outfit?" might become "Wow. She has the most beautiful straight teeth." Or something equally random. I made myself have positive thoughts about random strangers. Before I knew it, I was making positive comments to random strangers, too. These days, my behavior toward both men and women could easily be described as flirtatious. I know that sounds weird. And it works. I make easy conversation in passing with random strangers without a second thought. I highly recommend it. My one caveat is that the observations you make absolutely must be sincere. "I always love your shoes" sounds completely different when you mean it than when you don't. Actually, there are two caveats (I hope I don't think of a third later, 'cause I'll look even sillier.) Flirtation is something you throw away. No care or expectation of the outcome, because there probably won't be any. That's what makes it so delicious, when it's between members of the opposite sex. It's yummy because you know nothing will ever come of it. So you can be a little outrageous. There's nothing riding on the outcome.
The nice part is that it can make you way, way more comfortable with social interactions overall, even with the people you do care about. It's kind of like interviewing for a job. The (IMO very good) advice I've gotten from a lot of sources is that one should interview for a lot of jobs they don't want, so that they can interview well for the job they really do.
My $0.02.
A couple years ago, I took the complaint free world challenge. I won't go into details about what that is, but I can dig up a link if you want.
Anyway, during the time I was taking the challenge, when I had mean thoughts about other people (which was startlingly often,) I would force myself to mentally go back and replace the mean thought with a positive one.
"What was she thinking when she put on that ridiculous outfit?" might become "Wow. She has the most beautiful straight teeth." Or something equally random. I made myself have positive thoughts about random strangers. Before I knew it, I was making positive comments to random strangers, too. These days, my behavior toward both men and women could easily be described as flirtatious. I know that sounds weird. And it works. I make easy conversation in passing with random strangers without a second thought. I highly recommend it. My one caveat is that the observations you make absolutely must be sincere. "I always love your shoes" sounds completely different when you mean it than when you don't. Actually, there are two caveats (I hope I don't think of a third later, 'cause I'll look even sillier.) Flirtation is something you throw away. No care or expectation of the outcome, because there probably won't be any. That's what makes it so delicious, when it's between members of the opposite sex. It's yummy because you know nothing will ever come of it. So you can be a little outrageous. There's nothing riding on the outcome.
The nice part is that it can make you way, way more comfortable with social interactions overall, even with the people you do care about. It's kind of like interviewing for a job. The (IMO very good) advice I've gotten from a lot of sources is that one should interview for a lot of jobs they don't want, so that they can interview well for the job they really do.
My $0.02.
Oh yeah and I guess I should add be careful about the outrageous stuff, until after you've tested the water with the tame stuff.
There's this one guy that I flirt with all the time. Serious heavy duty, double entendre, sexual innuendo. The whole nine yards. I'm in my forties. He's in his fifties. He's recently divorced and accepted that no meant no, after the second time he asked me out. We both know that there will never be anything between us, but I honestly think it makes him feel good to make barely disguised extremely suggestive (but never intrusive, personal or creepy) remarks. He feels attractive. I feel ... hmmm not sure what I feel, but whatever I feel, it's positive. We share a laugh whenever we run into each other. And that's it.
There's this one guy that I flirt with all the time. Serious heavy duty, double entendre, sexual innuendo. The whole nine yards. I'm in my forties. He's in his fifties. He's recently divorced and accepted that no meant no, after the second time he asked me out. We both know that there will never be anything between us, but I honestly think it makes him feel good to make barely disguised extremely suggestive (but never intrusive, personal or creepy) remarks. He feels attractive. I feel ... hmmm not sure what I feel, but whatever I feel, it's positive. We share a laugh whenever we run into each other. And that's it.
It comes naturally to some people.
toothlesstiger
Well-Known Member
That's not weird at all, pygmalion, that's exactly the sort of thing I was trying to suggest.
wonderwoman
Well-Known Member
I like to look up the definitions of words to make sure I understand them..
I'm paraphrasing from a couple different sources, but flirting is defined as behaving or acting amorously without serious intentions.. to show superficial or casual interest or liking.. and to come close to reaching or experiencing something.
So I guess this is different than efforts to break the ice or get the ball rolling or ask someone out on a date, because that would require serious intentions. You can flirt with people you aren't interested in.
I'm paraphrasing from a couple different sources, but flirting is defined as behaving or acting amorously without serious intentions.. to show superficial or casual interest or liking.. and to come close to reaching or experiencing something.
So I guess this is different than efforts to break the ice or get the ball rolling or ask someone out on a date, because that would require serious intentions. You can flirt with people you aren't interested in.
wonderwoman
Well-Known Member
I guess I say all that because this thread was a spin-off from the discussion in the dating thread, where someone never intended to flirt just for kicks, but to start a relationship. I think you can do so without ever flirting. Flirting is a sport, not a means to an end. I think a lot of people feel like because they don't have the flirting skills that others have, that they are at a disadvantage. The biggest flirt in the room may spend their life single.