Is dancing emotional infidelity?

Is dancing emotional infidelity?

  • Yes, almost always, and it's a problem.

    Votes: 89 80.9%

  • Yes, but it's not a problem because . . .

    Votes: 2 1.8%

  • Sometimes -- I'll explain below.

    Votes: 8 7.3%

  • Of course not. What a silly question!

    Votes: 11 10.0%
  • Total voters
    110
Laura said:
I know this is going to sound weird, but it just came to me. For me, dancing is totally about me falling in love with myself. I grew up with so much self-hatred, self-loathing, with low self-confidence, etc etc. But dancing made me feel graceful and coordinated and happy and self-assured and pretty and shapely and elegant and and and and ....

I love stealing looks at myself in the mirror while I'm dancing, and it is is such a thrill to like what I see -- even though I'm about 30 pounds overweight and am rapidly approaching age 40.

So, I'm basically too much in love with myself when I'm dancing to really notice anyone else in that way :-) :-) ;-)
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I agree to some of the things Laura write. I hit the wall a few years ago. Salsa is my way of healing and recovering. Both physically and mentally. It's much better than a shrink. Much cheaper as well.

These reason makes it very easy for me to avoid anything that seems to become a problem. My brain cannot survive more internal dramas. I have to avoid them or let them out in a secure way. If not or my brain will melt by the heat and the pressure. I rather melt down or evaporate on the dancefloor.

/Lucretia
 
I was searching the internet for any discussion of dancing and infidelity, and I came across this thread. I was searching because I am the victim of infidelity that was made possible through dance. I was wondering if this was a common thing. I guess I'm not the only one wondering about the link between dance and infidelity.

My wife and I will have been married 15 years this June. She took up ballroom dancing seriously about two and a half years ago. I tried it from about 10 months, but my social anxiety made it more difficult than rewarding. This February I found out that my wife had had an affair with another amateur with whom she was considering entering an amateur couples competition. It nearly broke me and our marriage. We're slowly putting the pieces back together.

Infidelity doesn't strike only in bad marriages. It is a crime of opportunity, and dancing can provide a lot of opportunity. I've danced, so I'll felt the subtle and sometimes not subtle attraction that can pass between two people dancing. It's nice to think you can simply ignore it. It's nice to say that would only happen with bad people, or in bad marriages. But my wife is not a bad person, and our marriage was not a bad marriage. She made a mistake. She saw herself reflected back in a positive way that made her feel good, and she fell for the glamour of it. Life in a marriage is more like a microscope; every flaw is magnified.

So be careful with how complacent you are about your connections in dancing. It can happen to anyone.
 
I don't mean for you to take this the wrong way, but it sounds almost as if you are blaming dancing for what happened between you and your wife and I have a problem with that. Infidelity is infidelity and it can happen in any place, at any time, and in any situation. At many of the dance venues I frequent, a vast majority of the dancers are either married or in long-term relationships. Everyone dances with everyone else and seems to get along just fine.

But I am sorry that you had to go through such an experience.
 
No, it can't happen to anyone. Just someone looking for an opportunity to cheat and something to blame it on other than themselves.
 
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danceronice said:
No, it can't happen to anyone. Just someone looking for an opportunity to cheat and something to blame it on other than themselves.
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Even if they don't go looking - because I don't think cheaters always go into a situation intentionally looking to cheat - it's still their fault for turning a situation into an "opportunity". Lots of cheaters think "I didn't go looking to cheat, so it's not my fault!" While the first part might be true, the second is not.

Otherwise, I agree completely!
 
This has been on my mind ever since I started dancing. But my hubby and I celebrated my first showcase as the day I was getting married to dance. I've emotionnaly betrayed him with every single dance I've done. I only had one passion in my life for 22 years and the past two I had another passion in my life. Is it bad, I keep asking him? He tries to convince me it's not, cos the guilt never goes. But at the end of the day it's what someone else previously said. I am falling in love with myself everytime I dance, so there's no room for anyone else. And the passion you see reflecting in my eyes doesn't come from your reflection but from my reflection mirrored in your eyes when I let myself go and dance with you.

and if I may add, I was relieved to have had the same emotional attachment to both male and females to both teachers and students...
 
Loaded question which I've debated at length with dancers and non. IMO, any shared activity between the genders is going to create bonds. The nature of those bonds will depend on the people involved. But I've also seen the most stalwart admit to being tempted. So... it depends.
 
I'm not sure if it's an artifact of the age of the thread and poll, but reading back, there appears to be remarkably little correlation between what people said they had chosen in the poll and what the board appears to claim that they chose.

Anyways, I consider it a poorly written question. As I see it, dancing is dancing and emotional infidelity is emotional infidelity. Now, it is certainly possible to do both, and depending on the individuals involved, a certain measure of care may be required in one's dance relationships. But I simply don't see them as being inexticably linked.

On a lighter note, I'll admit that my instant reaction to seeing this question was, "Ok, my pro-am instructor is engaged and my amateur partner is 15 years my junior. If dancing is emotional infidelity, I am apparently a terrible person." ;)
 
I can't believe I never posted in this thread (maybe I did, and just don't see it)....my take on this notion is that most of us are going to notice when some one is attractive...that is simply about being human...and if we dance with one person regularly, we are going to notice whether or not that attraction becomes disproportionate or troublesome to how we operate during the rest of our lives or to what our goals might be...I think there is a point in time, nebulous to determine, when to continue something that has a disproportionate level of attraction is not an advisable way to be a faithful partner to whomever we are currently committed...like Jude, I don't really care for the way the question is phrased
 
*Ponders the question while reflecting on other real life experiences.*

I have seen real life marriages break up through dancing, but I have also seen the same thing happen through office romance, online games, workaholics, hockey, etc.

One trend that I have noticed: when most of the passion, energy and excitement is destined for the activity and little is left for the SO, that’s usually when things start go wrong.
 
This thread sat dormant for almost 9 years before I posted. Seems a touchy subject for this many people to reply.

I am not blaming dancing. I am saying dancing provided opportunities that weren't there before. This is something of a point of contention between me and my wife right now. She's still dancing, with my approval and support. But she's not yet returned to social dancing, or socializing with the dance crowd after social dances. I liken it to returning to your favorite bar after having a bad drunk driving incident. Yes, it's your fault you got that drunk, but bars certainly provide a greater opportunity for that to happen than most places. Our marriage counselor expressed similar concerns.

As I said, I have a rather unique perspective on this. I've danced. I've felt the bonds, the attraction. I've felt the connection and the familiarity. I never went over any lines, or even came close to crossing any lines. But I've watched it happen with my wife. I don't think dancing made her do it. I don't think continuing dancing makes it more likely to happen again. But dancing contributed to the closeness she developed with her affair partner. It's an activity with a very personal feel. It requires physical contact, often smiling into each others eyes, sharing the exhilaration of a passion.

It's not like pool league, and activity we both took part in for years. Pool league is social, but the same kind of closeness doesn't take place. It's not like the gym. It's not like bowling league. It's a pretty unique hobby or passion.

I will agree with one correction to my earlier post: it can't happen to everyone. For some people, infidelity is just not an option. Even now, hurt and betrayed, I would never consider straying outside of my marriage. And it's the same with others, again according to my marriage counselor. So I retract that.
 
Dots said:
One trend that I have noticed: when most of the passion, energy and excitement is destined for the activity and little is left for the SO, that’s usually when things start go wrong.
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Very much agreed! Although IMO if someone is so invested in an activity that their SO gets what passion and energy is "left over," something has already gone wrong in the relationship...
 
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