Where I disagree with Joe is in the word "resist". You don't have to resist but just give in to the excessive force, making it disappear in your body. At the open side of the abrazo it is pretty easy to give in, by just releasing the elbow...
I agree on this concept, but I believe it is far more instinctive to create tension to resist movement that seem injurious than to totally relax to absorb it. That's one of the reasons why drunk people often don't get hurt as much slipping and falling on a ice sidewalk as sober people do. They aren't as tense when they hit the ground. (I remember an EMT friend breaking something when he fell on the ice and his exact words were: "I wasn't drunk enough the way I usually am walking home from that bar")
Martial artists and skaters are trained to avoid that kind of automatic tension response, but if you watch the average person at a rink, they go through some pretty wild gyrations to avoid falling and usually fall anyway resulting in far more pain than the experienced skaters who have gotten used to falling and roll through it
The average social tango follower does not have that sort of training in her background, so it is something that must be learned from tango. I've been tangoing for some time now (and skated before that) and I still automatically tense to resist a good bit of the time it comes up. Allowing the "frame" (for lack of a better word) that usually allows you to follow to go all "spaggetti arms noodly" is totally counter-intuitive except for people whose arms are too wishy-washy to follow properly in the first place.
And you still can't just relax your arms, because you might find it pushed back behind your shoulder. The whole upper body has to sorta "go limp"
I found the only consistent way I can deal with the issue is to not dance with certain people.