maintaining your dance space

[MacMoto]

There's this guy who has been hitting on me for a long time. He can't dance (hopeless!) and acts like he can, and his frame keeps on falling apart. His right hand pulls me closer, and only from one side(!), and the hand slider at the centre of my back. I try to keep a steely frame and keep him as far as humanly possible, but the guy is getting on my nerves. It's rumba, my friend, but damned if I'll dance it like a dying goldfish!

... and you are still dancing with him? Have you told him that you don't like the way he pulls you too close?

 

[Lofland]

Similarly, if a guy on the dance floor suddenly uses a lead where he's touching me where I don't want to be touched.. my butt, thigh, stomach, hips.. etc.. I know all those are legit dance leads, but I don't like them because there are strangers watching everyone dance, and I don't want to give anyone the impression that it's ok to touch me there.

I can't see how a hip or stomach lead (or even a thigh if you're making her do a free spin) would give guys the wrong idea at a salsa club, since those leads are happening all the time. If theses strangers are watching that intently and they try to grope later, they would probably have groped anyway. I like doing a hip lead because it allows the follower to style with her hands while still maintaining the connection.

 

[Salsaonone]

Dancing close

As a leader, who goes out dancing for dancing, sometimes with followers I know and some I don't, throwing in a little bit of close dancing is part of the salsa dance experience...Most followers who do not like it will say so, and I will edit it out of my dance with that partner from that point on (same thing with dips)...but when I am dancing close to a woman, it is just that...dancing close to a woman...its not groping, its not having sex with her in the middle of the floor, its not asking her hand in marriage, its just close dancing...not even dirty dancing...it can have a great feeling to it...but I have never mixed my social life with my personal life...hmm..fascinating last sentence, don't you think? And if a woman wants more than just a close dance, we can talk about it outside the dance floor, and if the woman wants less, they are either mature enough to say so, or start to avoid dancing with me(or for whatever reason)....I know there are followers that I dance with who do not like it (or dips) so I simply dont do them...takes a fun chunk(to me) out of the dance, but why do something you know they don't want...always take care of the follower..if they don't say anything, then keep doing it....some of the followers think that the close dancing is the best part....so I think close dancing is neutral on its own.... :wink:

 

[tacad]

Re: Dancing close

but I have never mixed my social life with my personal life...hmm..fascinating last sentence, don't you think?

Yeah, that is interesting. Hmmm.

 

[Kindra]

Salsaonone wrote:
but I have never mixed my social life with my personal life...hmm..fascinating last sentence, don't you think?

Never??? I too find that rather interesting...

 

[Twilight_Elena]

There's this guy who has been hitting on me for a long time. He can't dance (hopeless!) and acts like he can, and his frame keeps on falling apart. His right hand pulls me closer, and only from one side(!), and the hand slider at the centre of my back. I try to keep a steely frame and keep him as far as humanly possible, but the guy is getting on my nerves. It's rumba, my friend, but damned if I'll dance it like a dying goldfish!

... and you are still dancing with him? Have you told him that you don't like the way he pulls you too close?

I don't like saying no, though lately I have improved on that. Saying no always made me feel bad... :bkick:
However, I have been saying no to this guy lately, whenever I bump into him (thank heavens it's not often!), but I try to do so in a gentle manner. I just can blow them off like that! I'm a beginner, I wouldn't like the same thing happening to me, so I won't do it to them!
On another note, there was this guy last time who asked me, after the merengue/salsa/bachata class (takes place right before the party), to help him with his merengue steps. I did so (he's horrible at dancing and has a very goofy look, but I couldn't possibly say no to the learning activity), and then he kept on asking me to dance. I said no all the time, coming up with lame excuses and such, but he wouldn't take a hint! I thought guys don't ask someone again if they have been brushed off...
Oh, plus he was being escorted by a loud gal who danced with others all the time. :?

Twilight Elena

P.s. It's not all that easy to say no to someone who's older than you! I'm not even old enough to drink!

 

[cierre boca y baile]

kind of an offshoot about the question about groping. How do you keep someone from moving in on your personal space. I am sure I have a more difficult time with this because I am more than willing to get up-close and personal with those I know, trust, and/or feel comfortable dancing; so I am likely presenting a double standard. Generally, men are respectful and either let me move in or are cognizant when I back off and we can continue an enjoyable dance, no issue. However, there is one guy I have had trouble with a couple of times. For quite a while, I simply avoided him, but last week (he seemed more sober and) I consented. My hands were on his biceps pushing back through the entire dance and he never quit pushing himself on me. It was near the end of the night so most of my friends were either gone or dancing, so I approached a stranger who'd been watching me to avoid a dance with him not 5 minutes later. This is the reason why some women I know won't accept dances with strangers at all.

There are many dances that lend themselves to closed position dancing, but even those, I never assume a lady I don't know wants to dance that way and will wait for her to give some kind of signal that is ok with her. It doesn't sound like this guy is a dancer and using this position to initate dance moves. I would say after giving him a chance or two by pushing him back to a normal distance, then end the dance. Then next time he asks you to dance, maybe give him one more chance or not, but after that politely decline his future requests.

You seem concerned that you may offend him if you do, but you should only be concerned, if he were doing it inadverently or didn't know better. I can assure you that a guy who is dancing close enough to you to make you uncomfortable knows what he is doing. Also you can tell by her facial expressions or other body language if your making her uncomfortable or not. If he keeps doing it, I wouldn't have a lot of sympathy for him.

All that being said, I enjoy close dances with girls I find attractive, but I always let them lead into that part of the dance first. It actually surprises me how many do, especially since most girls I dance with have no formal dance training where they would have been taught that. Just last night a girl I'd never met before came with some friends and within a few minutes of meeting her, we were dancing a Merengue and before I knew it, there she was pressed tightly up against me. Of course I didn't object, since she was very attractive . I have had the opposite experience though, where girls were trying to initiate the contact and I wasn't so eager for that to happen. Believe me, it is very good practice for learning to keep a strong frame .