Match-ups, Fix-ups, and Blind Dates

lynn said:
Just out of curiosity, what kind of things do you guys/ladies think it's appropriate to talk about on a blind date? I've had guys being quite intrusive and basically wanted me to sum up my whole life in 5 min! While i don't mind having a friendly conversation, i do feel a little uncomfortable divulging so much personal info to someone i've never met b4....am i just being too much of a prude?
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Actually, I like asking questions about romantic stuff to see how they respond. If the woman can't have a romantic converstation, then I need to look elsewhere.

I want to know what their favorite things to do are, because I want to know if we have similar interests or not. I also want to know what the story is behind ... the pin on their jacket, or the book they are carrying with their pocketbook, or the comment they have made about whatever topic we happen to be chatting on at the moment, etc.

The details could be different from the other side, yet either way ... it's all about whether or not we can potentially be a good fit together. If I can't find the potential, if I can't find good reasons to explore further, then why would I want to ask for a second date? And why would she accept if she can't find the same? :cool:
 
DancePoet said:
Actually, I like asking questions about romantic stuff to see how they respond. If the woman can't have a romantic converstation, then I need to look elsewhere.

I want to know what their favorite things to do are, because I want to know if we have similar interests or not. I also want to know what the story is behind ... the pin on their jacket, or the book they are carrying with their pocketbook, or the comment they have made about whatever topic we happen to be chatting on at the moment, etc.

The details could be different from the other side, yet either way ... it's all about whether or not we can potentially be a good fit together. If I can't find the potential, if I can't find good reasons to explore further, then why would I want to ask for a second date? And why would she accept if she can't find the same? :cool:
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i agree but not all of us are the dive right in types...that sort of disclosure really frightens some folk...which I have learnded the hard way:rolleyes:
 
pygmalion said:
That's another problem I have. Some people assume that you don't want to be alone. They just figure "you haven't met the right guy yet." (That's a direct quote. ) Zoinks! Isn't it possible that you do want to be alone, at least for a while?

Yes. I know people mean well. But single is also a valid way to be... I think. :?
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I believe you are correct. Being alone is the first thing we need to be to have a successful relationship later. We need to be comfortable with who we are and what we want, and probably even how we got there.

It doesn't sound like you are doing the wrong thing. :friend:
 
fascination said:
i agree but not all of us are the dive right in types...that sort of disclosure really frightens some folk...which I have learnded the hard way:rolleyes:
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Agreed. That's what I planned respond to lynn's comment earlier (before I got distracted :oops: )

If I'm ever in a conversation where I feel pressured to disclose information, I'm done. Period. We all go at our own paces, when it comes to sharing personal information. I don't think that makes any particular approach better than the other -- they're just different.

I think, ideally (ideally!) both people on a date should be allowed to disclose information at a rate that makes them comfortable. Nothing secretive. Just at our own paces.
 
fascination said:
i love birth order stuff...I am the oldest and the only for 10 years...then my mom remarried and had my little bro
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Hmmm ... you likely have many qualities of an only daughter, and your "little bro" likely has many qualities of an oldest since you folks are so far apart, particulary if there are other younger siblings. Otherwise, he quite likely could have qualities of an only, too. Then there is the concept of him being the oldest son versus you being the oldest daughter. As you can see it can get quite convoluted. ;) :lol:
 
fascination said:
having said that I am definately a TMI kinda girl
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I'm the opposite, by nature. Over the years, I've learned the power of self-disclosure, so I use it to help build rapport (among other things.) But I've had to learn to open up. I don't think being a private person makes one a prude (is that the word you used, lynn.) I think it's something to bear in mind when you're looking for friends or romantic partners -- you need someone who'll respect that about you, and who'll be able to balance things out, in that regard. :cool:
 
and coming from the opposite end of the spectrum...we have to love who we are and monitor the extremes in our tendencies...we all have natural inclinations that make us the special people that we are...and we aren't called to be something we're not...IMO...our only task is to monitor letting our inclinations take us too far in a direction that will hurt us...either way...do you know how I would love to be demure and quiet and discreet?
 
DancePoet said:
Hmmm ... you likely have many qualities of an only daughter, and your "little bro" likely has many qualities of an oldest since you folks are so far apart, particulary if there are other younger siblings. Otherwise, he quite likely could have qualities of an only, too. Then there is the concept of him being the oldest son versus you being the oldest daughter. As you can see it can get quite convoluted. ;) :lol:
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nope no other siblings...and really, I was raised to be the only son b/c that would have been their preference...and it was what they valued
 
fascination said:
i agree but not all of us are the dive right in types...that sort of disclosure really frightens some folk...which I have learned the hard way:rolleyes:
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I'm not saying an appropriate flow of conversation isn't the way to go to begin, and as I mentioned before friendly conversation is the way to start. Also, I'm not suggesting full disclosure from the beginning, this could even in some ways be unsafe, which is a big no-no.

Yet I'm running out of time to explain in more detail at the moment. Suffice it to say at least for now, the first date with someone you barely know needs to be short, conversational from both sides, flirtatious if possible, and provide both with the opportunity to share and explore for evaluating the possiblity of a second date. :cool:
 
DancePoet said:
I'm not saying an appropriate flow of conversation isn't the way to go to begin, and as I mentioned before friendly conversation is the way to start. Also, I'm not suggesting full disclosure from the beginning, this could even in some ways be unsafe, which is a big no-no.

Yet I'm running out of time to explain in more detail at the moment. Suffice it to say at least for now, the first date with someone you barely know needs to be short, conversational from both sides, flirtatious if possible, and provide both with the opportunity to share and explore for evaluating the possiblity of a second date. :cool:
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I knew what you meant from the get-go buddy...I dont always clarify solely for you;)
 
pygmalion said:
If I'm ever in a conversation where I feel pressured to disclose information, I'm done. Period. We all go at our own paces, when it comes to sharing personal information. I don't think that makes any particular approach better than the other -- they're just different.

I think, ideally (ideally!) both people on a date should be allowed to disclose information at a rate that makes them comfortable. Nothing secretive. Just at our own paces.
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Ayuh, truth and comfortability go a long way towards having a healthy relationship. :D

I really got to go, but it's been fun! :car:
 
bye, DP!

A different question comes to mind now that i think about blind dates. If the other party really wants to take the next step but you are not, does that somehow strain your relationship with your friend (the person who supposedly introduced the "perfect guy/gal")??
 
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