Match-ups, Fix-ups, and Blind Dates

O.K., as embarrassing as it is, i think i may need some advice....big time. My mom has been nagging me for months about meeting this nice young man (*sighs*). I've met him once and don't think it's going to work but since her birthday's coming up soon, I've decided to be nice and let her arrange a "blind party" - not really a date b/c she's inviting other ppl as well.

The problem? She kept on telling me how I should be "nice" to the guy and even if i'm not interested in him (romantically) I should try to be his "friend" and think of him as a "back-up" (I guess the logic is if i can't find anyone to marry me in the next couple of years, there's still this person to fall back on)! Correct me if i'm wrong, but I really don't like to think of people as back-up b/c that's quite disrespectful and in a way very demeaning to anyone, am I just being overly analytical again??

What's even worse is I feel like I'm being pressured into a relationship I don't want - yes, I'm fully aware that this is a great person, but in a way, I can't shake the feeling he's "mommy's friend" eventhough he's only a couple of years older than me. Besides, I've been nagged and reminded too many times what a great catch he is that the thought of even having a conversation with him simply repels me. O.K., so maybe there might be a teeny tiny part of me that doesn't want to give my mom the gratification of saying "i told you so".... I know I'm acting like a unreasonable rebellious teenager here but the whole thing just irks me....

Now I've pretty much hung out all my dirty laundry, I'm shamelessly soliciting some advices on how I should handle the situation? Act cool & professional but keep personal contact to a minimum? Or should I be the good daughter that I've always been and "try" to make the whole thing work (will take more effort than I can manage though, i'm afraid).....

Help.......
 
Don't worry about the dirty laundry thing. I've hung out more and dirtier.

Wow. Let me think some more before I answer. But my first reply is forget about what your Mom wants and just meet this guy on your own terms with no assumptions. He may turn out to be a nice guy, despite the fact that your Mom is pushing him in your direction. (Meaning, IMO, she should know better than to do that. It's disrespectful to you both.) But that aside, he may be nice. At least try to meet him without prejudice. :?

Moms. Grrr. They mean well. But I wish they'd learn some non-manipulative communication skills. :(
 
I agree, moms always have the best of intentions, except sometimes they just come across as overly aggressive...

I think the biggest problem now is overcome that psychological barrier - I have no problem striking up a conversation with anyone but now it just feels.....uncomfortable, and perhaps a bit annoyed.....
 
lynn said:
I agree, moms always have the best of intentions, except sometimes they just come across as overly aggressive...

I think the biggest problem now is overcome that psychological barrier - I have no problem striking up a conversation with anyone but now it just feels.....uncomfortable, and perhaps a bit annoyed.....
Click to expand...

How weird I feel to say it. But he might be a nice guy. Don't let your Mom's approach alienate you. Just meet the guy and find out (for yourself) who you think he is. You never know who he might be. :)
 
Thanks, Pygmalion :friend:!

I'll try to keep an objective mind - if all fails, i'll @ least have learned a humbling lesson!
 
Well, here's my take:

If you meet/met him, and there's no chemistry between you, I wouldn't blame it on your mom or your attitude. Sure, you might have been skeptical. But if there was enough between the two of you to make a relationship worth starting, I'm sure you would have felt it regardless of your mindset - you know how that feeling of attraction tends to strike when least expected.

So sure - meet him. Just trust your gut - if it feels like there might be something there after all, then go for it. If not, there probably wouldn't have been even if you had just randomly bumped into him on the street.

As for the "backup plan" business - bleh. Yeah - not a fan of that. Next time your mom brings that up, just tell her that you're planning to settle for "plan B." :)
 
You give him a shot, he might be nice as everyone mentioned.
Piece of advice, whether you end up liking him or not, don't talk to you mom about it.
 
Something more of an answer to lynn... Many moms have this anxiety to wed their children. Point is that they try to find their children spouses according to their own standards and tastes. So probably the guy won't be for you. But he can always become a friend, though I insist on not letting your mom know anything about your relationship.

Twilight Elena
 
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