Not touchy feely

[newbie]

My friend announced "OK, let's do close embrace now."

Dialog between her and litterally all the other leaders she danced with beforehand:

"- You're new here, aren't you?
- Yep, and new to tango as well. I came with TD, we're friends.
- Oh, you you came with TD... Wanna have some fun? After one or two dances with him, ask for a close embrace one."

 

[Mr 4 styles]

Me thinks TD doth protest too much. I think it's a ploy. Look at all these ladies asking him for "close embrace" just teasing ya

 

[Tango Distance]

...
"- You're new here, aren't you?
- Yep, and new to tango as well. I came with TD, we're friends.
- Oh, you you came with TD... Wanna have some fun? After one or two dances with him, ask for a close embrace one."

Ha! I didn't think of that, but it is possible!

Me thinks TD doth protest too much. I think it's a ploy. Look at all these ladies asking him for "close embrace" just teasing ya

Hmmm... or maybe those same guys are setting up these other ladies, to quote Newbie, "to have some fun!"

OK, enough frivolity and joking, time to get down to some numbers! At one venue, only about 1/4 of the ladies do close embrace. At other venues and workshops I have traveled to, it is almost all close embrace, and open embrace tends to be new people, experienced people doing it as a move, and yours truly.

Roughly 1 in 10 ladies has boldly asked for CE (about 1/2 of those verbally and about 1/2 by unmistakable arm tugging).

They must really like it to ask someone like me to do CE.

Interesting thought.

Another thought is perhaps they think I'll really like it... That's another interesting thought.

Whew, I think I'll go back to thinking about something mentally less taxing for the TD, like famous unsolved math problems.

 

[dchester]

Another thought is perhaps they think I'll really like it... That's another interesting thought.

They just might, you know.

Whew, I think I'll go back to thinking about something mentally less taxing for the TD, like famous unsolved math problems.

You'd be famous if you could solve the integral for the sin(X squared).

 

[Tango Distance]

Rats, substituting y=x**2 didn't give an instant answer. I have had fun beating on Goldbach's conjecture (even numbers >= 4 can always be given by the sum of prime numbers) and on the discovery of likely prime number chains. I'm not likely to ever be famous for math.

That's OK, I do math like I do Tango -- give me quiet, unnoticed fun over putting me in the limelight.

... You'd be famous if you could solve the integral for the sin(X squared).

 

[Tango Distance]

Tactile Angst Detection and Comforting

Upon commencing dancing, the lady seemed tense. She later went on a power-ocho streak worthy of the Flash. I tried stopping. I tried going in-phase with an ocho step. I tried going out-of-phase. I tried going towards her in the line of dance. I tried going against the line of dance. Finally, in sheer desperation, I exclaimed "How do I get you to stop?" The lady stopped and was panting, and gasped "You just had to stop." I didn't say anything, but hmmmmm, tried that. BTW this lady is extremely fit, so panting shows she was working very hard. She is normally an excellent follower. At the end of the tanda, she clung to me for a little bit. After the milonga, she was being held by someone and seemed sad about something. DW gave her a hug and since she seemed she needed a hug, TD gave her one, too. I'll confess some or even most of my motivation is it would have been more awkward to not do so. TD of two years ago would have kept walking. I might not have recognized her angst two years ago, but even if I had I would have judged my hugging angst to be the bigger and more important issue (very possibly true!). It was also interesting to detect being tense by touch at the beginning, by sight alone I would have missed it.

BTW, has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda? I have seen this a few times. It usually goes away during the first song or after I gently rotate the free arm in a circle and say "You are tense, relax." Is this like beginner skier tenseness? Are these ladies having a Tango Distance moment?

 

[Steve Pastor]

has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda?

I actually do this myself sometimes. I used to attribute it to shots of espresso I drank before the practica, but I still do it sometimes before I get "warmed up."
I'm not sure telling someone to not be nervous works so well.

 

[RiseNFall]

BTW, has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda? I have seen this a few times. It usually goes away during the first song or after I gently rotate the free arm in a circle and say "You are tense, relax." Is this like beginner skier tenseness? Are these ladies having a Tango Distance moment?

Usually, it's from general Fear of Failure and newness of the situation.

 

[twnkltoz]

BTW, has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda?

I am sometimes nervous dancing with someone I don't know well, especially if they're very good. I might tremble a bit until we get going.

I'm kind of a basket case sometimes.

 

[Tango Distance]

Fascinating, I would never guess such a thing of the greats here at DF! You must really really like Tango if it sometimes starts with a tough moment for you.

SP: What can I say, saying something like "You are tense, relax" has worked every time, the trembling stops and I can sense some draining away of the tension. I realize it might work with me but not as well for others. I also realize it might have worked a handful of times but not in general -- I'll try to think of the best way to handle it and appreciate suggestions. The trembling sometimes returns, but I think has always gone away by the end of the first song. Hmmm, never thought of the tanda system as being helpful to shy/introverted people before -- a song to get past one's fears, and then two songs to enjoy. It also has 1/3 as many new person interactions as dances where you switch every song. Oh oh, interesting thought for me: Maybe I could compress all my issues into the first song of the Tanda, and drop them for the rest of the Tanda... Interesting... Give myself "license" to worry however and then try to consciously drop it after the first song.

RNF: That makes sense. The close proximity with Tango was my challenge, not so much an individual person. They were all an equal hurdle in my eyes, they were all not DW. I could see how dancing with someone the first time could be a challenge for some, I had not thought of it that way. Wow, the TD himself of all people has helped some ladies get through moments of their own -- I had not thought of that.

twnklotz: I'm sure my Tango skill is not intimidating the ladies! FWIW I'm intimidated by the good ladies. I'm afraid I'll bore them. I am fortunate there are some very good ladies in my area that will practica or milonga with me and seem to honestly enjoy it.

Even though it would be totally in character, I don't think I have trembled myself.

Ladies, what is the most reassuring thing your partner can do at the start of a Tanda?

... I still do it sometimes before I get "warmed up."
I'm not sure telling someone to not be nervous works so well.

Usually, it's from general Fear of Failure and newness of the situation.

I am sometimes nervous dancing with someone I don't know well, especially if they're very good. I might tremble a bit until we get going.

I'm kind of a basket case sometimes.

... has anyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda? I have seen this a few times. It usually goes away during the first song or after I gently rotate the free arm in a circle and say "You are tense, relax." Is this like beginner skier tenseness? Are these ladies having a Tango Distance moment?

 

[newbie]

BTW, has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda?

Why, no.
Tense, nervous, impatient, sometimes. Such as this lady a few weeks ago in a practise, who was just back from BsAs where she had attended privates with J. Balmaceda and was eager to show me.

Julio, I feel for you.

 

[twnkltoz]

One thing you can do is, one you get her the embrace, take a big, deep breath and let it out. This will often cause her to do the same, and that often helps your body relax.

 

[twnkltoz]

One of my favorite partners can always tell if I had too much coffee that day. I'm more...excitable? Energetic?

 

[Tango Distance]

Why, no. Tense, nervous, impatient, sometimes [, but not trembling] ...

Aw, Newbie, that must be because you are the kind of guy who puts the ladies at ease and are in possession of dance skills such that the ladies are beyond anxious to get things started. Hmmm, yet another interesting thought occurred to me. It could be confident Newbie gets confidence reflected back to him. Maybe coming across as less than 100% open to embracing, or some other less-than-perfect trait in me is getting reflected back to me. Look out, here comes another thought. This is another good reason to start at the beginning of the 1st song of a Tanda, asking during the cortina well beforehand could lead to even minutes of potentially awkward time waiting for that cortina to end.

One thing you can do is, one you get her the embrace, take a big, deep breath and let it out. This will often cause her to do the same, and that often helps your body relax.

Sounds like good advice for the TD in any case!

One of my favorite partners can always tell if I had too much coffee that day. I'm more...excitable? Energetic?

Trembling?

 

[Chrisa Assis]

BTW, has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda? I have seen this a few times. It usually goes away during the first song or after I gently rotate the free arm in a circle and say "You are tense, relax." Is this like beginner skier tenseness? Are these ladies having a Tango Distance moment?[/QUOTE]

It might be because she was nervous, but to me trembling occurs because my legs and muscles are still cold. Or when I am too tired...

Also, sometimes, in cases like this, action is much more comforting than words. Like you said, it looked like she needed a hug, maybe that is actually what would have made her stop while on the dancefloor. Consider, next time this happens--hopefully won't be in the near future--to come to pause, you can come back to your base, with feet together and only shift your weight from one foot the other. Then you try to relax your embrace, so she can relax as well.