pre-competition disorder

The breathing tip sounds like something I could use. These have all been great suggestions.

I’m hoping to come up with a ‘go to’ fix. One thing I can focus on when things start falling apart. I don’t want my mind to try and figure out what to do. I want to have an automatic place to start. Any suggestions?
 
Mine is 'use your legs' or 'soft knees', because that's where most of my issues start.

Frame/posture is a good one for your first comp, as is "just breathe" :)
 
Have just committed to next comp. First comp south of the border (yes, @Mr 4 styles , finally). Registering only on that scary last line of the forms. May wear the new (well, almost finished) unstoned dress... a few new things to freak out about here. No pre-comp disorder yet, but am sure it will come.
 
FancyFeet said:
Have just committed to next comp. First comp south of the border (yes, @Mr 4 styles , finally). Registering only on that scary last line of the forms. May wear the new (well, almost finished) unstoned dress... a few new things to freak out about here. No pre-comp disorder yet, but am sure it will come.
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Eh - don't worry about registering. If you have questions - call. I'm always perpetually late registering anyway.

I make it up by sending certified bank checks. :)

Are you only doing standard?
 
FURIOUS with pro right now. Shaking, hysterical tears furious.

We have finished our last pre-comp lesson. I leave for comp in 2 days.

Found out from another student who I drove home from last lesson that pro is flying to Michigan. Pro did not communicate that to me, but confirmed it when I texted him. We had explicitly talked about him driving, and from the timeline, he bought the plane ticket well after I had registered for the comp. My response: "finding this out when it's too late to do anything about it is not okay. I would have expected you to check before booking a ticket if I was going to be asked to pay for part of it."

He hasn't answered that. I am trying to decide if I am angry enough to pull out entirely (leaving the other pros catching a ride with me in a bit of a jam), or to just avoid all future comps involving travel, or to walk away from pro entirely. I'm not sure I've ever been this upset with him.

Current plan: a sleeping pill and bed. I'll see how much of the fury is still here in the morning.
 
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FancyFeet said:
FURIOUS with pro right now...

Current plan: a sleeping pill and bed. I'll see how much of the fury is still here in the morning.
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So sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to sort it out OK. if it were me, I'd stick to paying for my portion of what it would have cost if he had driven as agreed, then get out there and put all of the furious energy into doing your bestest at the comp. Is it a "new black dress" one?!?
Even though you have some stinky options, they are still way better than mine. I have no option at all to compete, or even have regular lessons, since I don't consider leaving DH and moving to another city any kind of option, and I am still not strong enough to handle a 2 hour lesson and 8 hours travel by myself.

Go well, and know I will be doing a virtual shout out for you!!
 
SwingingAlong said:
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I have no option at all to compete, or even have regular lessons, since I don't consider leaving DH and moving to another city any kind of option, and I am still not strong enough to handle a 2 hour lesson and 8 hours travel by myself.
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I've been trying to figure it out... what does DH stand for? I've seen it a few times.
 
SwingingAlong said:
Dear Husband. I look the abbreviation up in "Urban Dictionary" when I am stuck on stuff like that. I didn't know either. FTFY is "fixed that for you".
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Hahah thanks! That's a good idea but I thought it was unique to this community. I was thinking maybe.... "dance husband" like a work wife, but for dance. That didn't make sense with context I've seen it used around here so I was lost...... but close!!
 
Ouch, FF. I'm gathering you aren't given a quote for expenses before a competition??? I agree with SwingingAlong that you should pay what you would have if he were driving. And I would try to get it taken care of before you compete. And I would have the default become that expenses are agreed upon before entries go in. (And just maybe he got a really cheap ticket and it's a non-issue.)
 
We don't agree on a specific quote, but I know the anticipated number of nights in a hotel and the method of travel before I agree to go (it was one, and car, in this case). Aside from that, I know how he calculates per diem and dances, so I can estimate pretty accurately.

I'm still furious, though not quite at the can't-think-straight rage level from last night. Two themes of thoughts keep running through my head:
1) What is this going to cost me? If I had known he was flying, would I have decided to go?
2) He lied to me. I feel betrayed, and that he broke my trust. Can I realistically show up in 3 days and make nice and dance with someone when my current reaction is don't f+$%ing touch me?

Yesterday it was all about #1. Today, thought theme #2 is the prevailing one.

Early this morning, I messaged the pros that are catching a ride with me giving them a head-up that I was dealing with an (unnamed) emergency and may need to cancel if I can't resolve, asking if they have another way to get there. I also spoke with the organizer (same reason given); they have agreed to refund my fees if I need to pull out. Last message was to pro, asking if he can meet me for coffee today.

I don't know where I am going with this yet, aside from making sure that I know what my options are.
 
@FancyFeet I'd only reimburse him for the driving part as that what was agreed upon. The fact that he bought a plane ticket until you didn't know after the fact was underhanded at best and stealing at worst. He doesn't think you have the capacity to pull out of the competition so he did what was most convenient for him. For traveling comps, I've always offered to put everything on my bill upfront so I have full transparency.

If there are other qualified pros in your area, I'd probably not go to the competition and then dump him if he didn't give me a full apology during that coffee session.
 
So, we didn't manage to connect for coffee, but spent almost an hour on the phone. The conversation went around a bit, as it tends to do, but I am getting better at not letting him derail me, so we got somewhere.

(He likes to counterattack with 'I'm offended that you're upset/by what you are saying, etc.', talking about how things work in other cities... and it used to work. The shut down that worked today was something to the effect of 'I apologize. I didn't mean to cause offense. I am trying to be honest about what I am thinking and feeling. There is no blame being placed here. I want to be very clear that I never stated I thought there was intent. I'm saying it happened, and this is what I am feeling. You don't need to agree with what I'm feeling or why, but you do need to recognize that I feel this way.' And at some other point: "I'm not interested in the agreements other students have with their pros. This is about you and me. Our agreement. No one else." These may have been practiced with my psychologist during an emergency call today.)

After some time where he justified why flying was the better option given a myriad of factors, I finally managed to make it clear that I didn't care that he was flying. I cared that I didn't know he was flying, because that would have changed my decision to attend. That seemed to resonate.

Where we landed:
  • He apologized (after I asked if he was planning to at any point, but still, he actually said the words.)
  • He admitted that he should have told me, and that he "maybe needs to communicate better" (this was huge for him)
  • I gave him that I could have confirmed that nothing had changed since our discussions before sending payment for my entries. And agreed to do so for any future comps that may occur.
  • I asked that he consider written quotes for me. He doesn't want different methods for different students but has agreed to consider it for all later. We parked that discussion. (I am willing to offer to prepare all the quotes for him if level of effort is an issue.)
  • Most importantly, we negotiated a compromise position for what I would pay for for this comp. He proposed it, but admittedly only after I stated I was seriously thinking about pulling out. Not sharing details openly, but willing to do via PM for anyone in a similar situation. As I'm exhausted, I indicated that I thought it was fair but wanted to sleep on it before making any decisions.
We wrapped up with some nice words and a little light chatting on both sides.

Apologies for any rambling or incoherence. I didn't get much sleep last night, even with meds. Overnight advice or opinions based on the above would be much appreciated.
 
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