I'm only talking about finishing the tanda early, ie before the cortina - I assumed the tanda has 4 tangos (more usual than 3), that there are corinas, and that this is well known to both dancers.
Question about tandas
- Thread starter twnkltoz
- Start date
I'm only talking about finishing the tanda early, ie before the cortina - I assumed the tanda has 4 tangos (more usual than 3), that there are corinas, and that this is well known to both dancers.
Well it came from BsAs many many years ago. If some of the old stories can be believed, the men in Argentina back then had extremely fragile egos and couldn't deal with rejection particularly well. Some of the customs, like this one and the cabeceo (the nod), were done supposedly to help them save face.
Obviously, I wasn't in Argentina in the 40's, so I don't know how many of the stories I've been told are actually true. JanTango may know more about some of this stuff than I do.
Ampster
Active Member
It's an "honorable" nuance of the Latin culture, and it's based on giving respect.
In AT, a "Thank you" is given during a tanda to end it when anyone of the partners want to end it prematurely, for whatever reason, good, bad, or otherwise.
Most of the time, it's trying to be polite to someone you no longer want to dance with before the end of the tanda. It's kinder than saying "'You suck,' 'I've had enough of you,' 'You're a horrible dancer,' 'You're getting an erection-EWE,' 'You're creepy,' 'You are an arrogant ****,' 'You talk too much,' 'Stop teaching,' 'Your breath stinks,' 'You've got bad BO,' 'You marinate too much cologne for a guy,' 'Your abundant dousing of perfume makes my eyes water,' etc, etc, etc." Sometimes, there are physical reasons other than that (e.g. cramps, feet hurt, injury acting up, shoe breaks, wardrobe malfunctions, etc.)
It allows the "Thank you-er" to give the "Thank you-ee" an opportunity to save face and preserve their pride. It gives the "Thank you-ee" an opportunity for the "Thank you-er" a way to un-offensively end a tanda early via a commonly agreed to signal, as it is uncomfortable for people to be brutally honest a lot of times.
Whatever the reason, it is the norm and as all of us try to adapt to the rules of the particular culture we want to exist in. This is just one of those things particular to the Tango culture that make it what it is. It's considered to be good manners.
I always make mention of that sort of thing (in addition to the thank you) just so the person I'm dancing with knows that my desire to leave the dance has NOTHING to do with him.
nucat78
Active Member
Mmmmm... and Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Just sayin'...
basicarita
Member
LOL, Peaches, exactly.
It seems kind of easy to label another culture's custom "daft" when, really, it's just different than that to which one is accustomed.
basicarita
Member
To be honest, for me it doesn't make that much difference, as the meaning is the same. My actual preference would be to know what it was that the follower didn't like about my dance (as long as it could be said civilly).
Lilly_of_the_valley
Well-Known Member
A teacher is paid big $$$ to do just that in a private lesson. Wonder why
Milonga is not the right place, and a fellow milonga goer most of the time is not the right person to provide that kind of feedback.
A teacher is but one person, and their preferences and opinions might not match the follower who didn't like the tanda. Now I'm not necessarily going to make a bunch of changes based on the feedback of one person, but I might, depending on what the feedback was (and a variety of other variables).A teacher is paid big $$$ to do just that in a private lesson. Wonder why
Milonga is not the right place, and a fellow milonga goer most of the time is not the right person to provide that kind of feedback.
The bottom line is that a teacher couldn't tell me what a follower at some milonga didn't like. Only the follower can do that (if she chooses to). The teacher might be able to help me fix it though, assuming I thought the feedback was valid and/or something I was interested in making it a focus to improve on.
If a competent teacher is unable to identify the problems you have then it is unlikely that they are so major to warrant a follower putting you down in the middle of the tanda without an explanation. If you paid attention to basic hygiene, didn't bump her into anyone, and in general there are no clear causes of her acting that way, it is very likely to be pointless to ask for her reasons.
No, the right attitude in a milonga, me thinks, is that a no means no, period. Don't ask for an explanation and don't expect one, you are not there to pressure her into explaining herself and you are not there to be told how much you suck. Do that in the practicas and classes, and leave the milonga for maximizing the fun of dancing.
Lilly_of_the_valley
Well-Known Member
Seriously, how do you imagine that dialogue?
He: "What's wrong?"
I:"Where do I start?"
or:"I don't know. Probably, it's not you, it's me."
I do not go to a milonga to fix anyone's dancing. I do not want to be put on the spot. Detecting a problem in somebody else's dancing, expressing it verbally is not easy. It is work that requires a whole bunch of skills. I am not perfect myself. Maybe he is having a bad night. Maybe we both are. We do not have to talk about that.
Most of the time there is no good way to deliver a bad news. Most people do not like to hear negative feedback. Even when they asked for it, upon receiving it, they may get defensive, unpleasant, even rude. I do not want to deal with it. Girls, believe me, if anybody asks, stick to something brief and positive.
That's said, I do not remember when I sat anyone down last time. I have not done that in years. If there is something I am unable to deal with, I usually can tell beforehand, so I just do not dance with that person. If I said "yes", I will do my best to have a nice tanda. At times it is not possible. But there has to happen something real bad for me not to finish the tanda. Either it hurts like hell, my partner is doing something inappropriate, putting me in danger of being hurt, and I cannot do anything to stop him from doing that for the next few minutes.