Question For The Women

[Dancingisfun]

Hi. I was just wondering what you would do if a partner in class you were dancing with pulled on the back of your bra strap to try and lead you. Would you just go with the flow and not react? How would you handle this. Thanks.

 

[skipper]

I would be polite during that class--and then talk to the teacher AS SOON AS THE CLASS IS OVER.

 

[latingal]

Welcome to DF Dancingisfun!

As for your question, wow...wouldn't want to handle that one. But if I had to, I guess if I thought it wasn't an accidental, I'd say something in a humorous manner to let him know that bra strap leading isn't in the syllabus in ballroom.

*geez* that is not one I ever thought you'd have to address in a class...

 

[Hammurabi]

i am not sure if this is rude but if it was me i will tell them to stop pulling my bra strap straightout.

sometimes my partner have his hands on my waist to pull me when he get nervous (hes a good friend) and i just tell him his hand is on my waist and if it slide any further down i will kill him

 

[Laura]

I would say "Excuse me, please do not pull on my clothes to move me around!"

And if they do it again, say in a joking way "If you keep pulling on my bra strap like that it will unhook and then I will accuse you of sexual harassment!!"

Really, there is no need for someone to manhandle your clothes.

 

[fascination]

true....but some people just aren't too bright...or have an odd sense of humor...I have had someone grab me by my neck and by a ponytail to try to lead something...I didn't find either to be particularly brilliant but it also wasn't the hill I was gonna die on --so to speak-- either

 

[elisedance]

I think a lot depends on his manner when he did it. Did you feel he was being funny? did you feel the creeps? If the former you might retort something like 'if you try to lead by pulling clothes, I will try following by standing on your feet' or something equally benign. However if you felt the creeps I would do as suggested above. Tell him a bit louder than your personal space (so that he will at least fear someone else heard it) - "please leave my clothes alone'. Both should achieve the end without causing undue discomfort for you.

If it happens again just refuse to dance with him.

 

[RickRS]

I'm with elisedance; what was your preception of his intent? Misguided intent to lead is one thing, something sexual/creepy is a whole 'nother situation.

This is so odd I wouldn't imagine not saying something. With beginners leads (if that's your problem partner) we (I'm a guy, too) too often have no understanding of how dance and connection works, so speaking up politely/humorously could be the thing to save the guy from getting even more embarassing spots if its just a misguided attempt at leading.

Welcome to the forum, Dancingisfun!

 

[Scorpio]

Imho

I know some guys who would think that was funny and possibly even flirtatious. I think elisedance is right: Consider his manner.

 

[DL]

I once switched roles with a group classmate for a bronze american foxtrot. We got into hold, and then her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out how to lead me backwards. One of the first things that happened was that her right hand slid around from my back to my side, with the edge of her palm resting just on the front of my chest, so that she had some leverage to get a good push.

I found this hilarious for about 3 steps, then -- when she wondered why I was cracking up -- made a joking comment about her wandering hand. She was totally puzzled at first, then double-checked everything, saw what I meant, said, "oh well, I'm not touching anything personal," moved her hand only slightly, and kept concentrating on all her *other* beginner-leader issues.

I've also seen plenty of beginner leaders grab a handful of the back of a follower's shirt and pull, in an effort to solve the same problem. One I saw recently as part of a wedding couple didn't even totally realize he was doing it, until his fiancee and the teacher made an issue of it.

So it could just be that the guy needs help learning to lead; and yes, a teacher's attention is called-for.

 

[fascination]

sure...when concerntrating one can make some goofy mistakes...I once went for pro's chest instead of his arm on the separation in paso...and I didn't even realize I did it until he broke out laughing...oy

 

[NonieS]

LOL once in a group class I had this guy who clearly did not know where to put his right hand while leading the rope spin in rumba and kept grabbing my boob after the spiral... I honestly do not think he meant it; i just think he didn't know where his hand was supposed to go before the turn so that it wouldn't be on my boob afterwards. So as not to embarrass him, I pulled the teacher aside, we had a good laugh about it, and then the teacher made a really big show of demonstrating the *correct* way to lead the rope spin... LOL

 

[Peaches]

I think I've got to disagree a bit with other people's responses. Personally, I think the best way to handle it would just be to say "Please don't lead me by my bra strap." End of story. Not quietly, not loudly, not in an accusing way, and not in a self-deprecating sort of way. Just neutral. That way, there is no confusion about what you mean and no way to think that you don't mind or are laughing it off (as could happen with a joking manner, if he's so inclined), there's no accusation if his actions weren't meant to be icky, and there's not even a hint of you taking even some of the "blame" for what went wrong. Don't make a bigger deal of it than it (perhaps) really is, but don't minimize it and sweep it under the rug, either.

If he doesn't get it after that, I think it depends on the vibe you're getting with him. If he's just clueless and doesn't know what to do, ask the teacher for guidance. If he's being icky, I'd say it again, louder, and perhaps talk with the teacher after.

 

[danceronice]

I agree with Peaches--I'd ask politely for him not to do it. If he were just cluess, I might actually move his hand myself. If he were being creepy, I would say something to the teacher at the first chance as we rotate partners and if he were doing it to me, likely he'd be doing it to other women in the class. (Likewise I'd have a chance ot say something as soon as I rotated to the teacher.)

 

[fascination]

I think I've got to disagree a bit with other people's responses. Personally, I think the best way to handle it would just be to say "Please don't lead me by my bra strap." End of story. Not quietly, not loudly, not in an accusing way, and not in a self-deprecating sort of way. Just neutral. That way, there is no confusion about what you mean and no way to think that you don't mind or are laughing it off (as could happen with a joking manner, if he's so inclined), there's no accusation if his actions weren't meant to be icky, and there's not even a hint of you taking even some of the "blame" for what went wrong. Don't make a bigger deal of it than it (perhaps) really is, but don't minimize it and sweep it under the rug, either.

If he doesn't get it after that, I think it depends on the vibe you're getting with him. If he's just clueless and doesn't know what to do, ask the teacher for guidance. If he's being icky, I'd say it again, louder, and perhaps talk with the teacher after.

yes....