Social Dancing: Thoughts, Experiences, Stories, Advice
- Thread starter ProgressNotPerfection
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That would be me. I'll be fine until I dance with someone who makes me uncomfortable. It takes me ages to get back to being comfortable, sometimes long enough that in a lesson a day or so later, Teach will ask me, "What did you do?" and it's almost always, "went social dancing and picked up the vibe/habits/discomfort."
The downside of being a dancer who's been taught to respond.
I actually said her that her arms were much stiffer than before, so she confirmed that it was because otherwise she can't follow other leaders, while my leading is very clear to her even with very light connection
But on the other side, I suppose next leader that danced with her after me thought "what the hell that man did to her? Half an hour ago she was very responsive to my leading and now her following is total disaster
So people are different. I want my followers to enjoy their dancing even when doing quite demanding stuff. Other leaders may have different preferences. And even a number of followers like to be challenged so they can prove they can follow "demanding leading".... So I try to find a way that works best with particular follower
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Yes, I usually come into social dancing relaxed until I have a leader who tends to use more force than necessary and wants to do fast directional changes, then I go on shoulder joint protection mode. This on me, can feel like a stiffer arm, more rigid posture, and/or higher resistance than usual.
Then, I get to dance with an different leader who is experienced with body mechanics and motion. This type of leader understand that the arm (and frame) are only two parts of the leading equation. This leader knows where the follow is on her foot and allowing the follow to complete her natural weight changes or catch her prior to a weight change can reduce the force needed on the arm - and stress the joints less, hence a more comfortable dance.
And it takes me a dance or two to relax again. But, by then I'm likely dancing with an arm-only leader again - so my defenses are back up.
I've told Magic Pro that he spoils me. I can dance with him for hours without shoulder pain, and I social dance with 2 or 3 people- and the next day I need Advil.
Yup! This totally happens. AND... if the follow is super lucky... that same leader will gaslight her and tell her how much of a disaster her follow has become. Gotta love it when that happens, especially when it happens on the dance floor.But on the other side, I suppose next leader that danced with her after me thought "what the hell that man did to her? Half an hour ago she was very responsive to my leading and now her following is total disaster
But, by then I'm likely dancing with an arm-only leader again - so my defenses are back up.
This is a nice description of leader type
I try matching my dancing and leading with follower type and particular song. So for dynamic song I'll try asking more dynamic follower for a dance and I'll dance with more energy, for relaxed song I'll ask more gentle follower and dance more relaxed. But I always try to use much more energy for moving myself than for leading (or "moving") the follower
In any case, I try the connection to be elastic, meaning relatively relaxed in neutral position of arms, with force increasing progressively as arms extend/contract. And I like follower to do the same. Just like a spring in a car suspension; there are comfortable cars with soft suspension and there are sport cars with stiff suspension, driving both can be fun, just differrent way. I try to avoid leading that will cause follower to panic and stiffen up (that limit is different for every follower) - that is equal to driving a car with no suspension or with broken springs, where wheels are directly connected with the car
That's for salsa, bachata, zouk (and WCS in the past). In ballroom, songs for each genre have a kind of similar speed and energy - but we have several genres, so not much different
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neveragain
Well-Known Member
I find it incredibly helpful when a lead repeats a move without making me feel like "I have no brain". I remember a time when one of my teachers tried to dance Samba with me at a studio party. Since I don't really do Latin styles, it felt completely foreign to me; I’d only taken a handful of beginner group classes years ago. However, as he repeated the leads I wasn't initially picking up, it helped me recognize and recall the patterns.
The same thing happened at the last West Coast Swing social I attended. We had a group class right before the main event, and during the social, the organizer tried to lead a pattern we had just learned. Of course, I missed it at first! Then, it suddenly clicked. I laughed and said, 'Oops, we just did this in class!' He politely replied, 'Well, let’s try it again!' and we did. That kind of encouragement makes all the difference.
Both cases, these are the good leaders
Most social dancers will repeat the lead pretty much the same way (usually not very good anyway), that will most likely cause pretty much the same result; it's because conscious part of brain is of very little use when dancing and follower will react mostly the same way to same leading. Some leaders will then try some "teaching" making it even worse in most cases
Experienced leaders will try changing/adjusting the lead a few times until it hopefully results in correct (more or less) action by the follower. It takes experience of course ... You realizing that it was something familiar comes actually after you successfully follow it ...
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... so when dancing, my goal is actually to "turn off" follower's brain, let her go by the flow/feeling and not think about it. That can only happen if the follower has enough trust that everything will be fine, that I won't be throwing her off balance, smashing her into nearby couples or walls or making her uncomfortable some other way, that was built during our dancing in the past (even if it actually wasn't me but some other leaders that were giving her similar feel while leading her). In some cases this trust is being built very fast - you dance with someone for the very first time, can be from other part of the globe, and you immediately feel like you've been dancing for years. Sometimes it needs time and sometimes never builds high enough ...
Brains can come into play after dancing - we can talk about our dance and try figuring out what was good and what is in need of some improvement ... but we rarely actually do it ...
Brains can come into play after dancing - we can talk about our dance and try figuring out what was good and what is in need of some improvement ... but we rarely actually do it ...
Went to two socials this past weekend (Friday, Saturday), I took my son to both of them. He has gotten a lot better about taking intiative to ask people to dance, which warms my heart. His actual dancing has improved as well, to his credit. I haven't been to a social in a while due to schedule and it was surprisingly refreshingly nice to get back to it (not as rusty as I anticipated).
Best moment of the second evening, there's a line dance they play where I kind of go all out with some personal variations. There was a group of kids at this party (like age 10ish, plus or minus). A couple of them were trying to learn it by watching me (bad bad bad idea). Afterwards, one of the girls came up to me gushing "you were the best one out there". I love kids' compliments, since they haven't learned the art of insincere flattery.
Best moment of the second evening, there's a line dance they play where I kind of go all out with some personal variations. There was a group of kids at this party (like age 10ish, plus or minus). A couple of them were trying to learn it by watching me (bad bad bad idea). Afterwards, one of the girls came up to me gushing "you were the best one out there". I love kids' compliments, since they haven't learned the art of insincere flattery.
Catching up on Saturday's social. Small crowd. Apparently, the socials within a 30 mile radius of us have noticed an attendance downturn; it's not just us*. About 10 of our regulars were not there. Upside: lots of room to dance. Mostly those who showed are salsa/wcs/hustle/street dancers, so I was glad I had lots of them in the play list. One of the guys has been taking classes/groups in street salsa and boy howdy it shows. Best dance I ever had with him.
Social runs from 7:30-10:30. Raffle and birthday celebration at 9:45. By 10:15, everyone was gone. Cleaned studio, home, and in bed before 11. That's... unlikely.
Please note absence of That Guy (who is injured and I feel bad for him).
*somebody wondered aloud if uncertain times and increased costs are keeping people home; thoughts? We have not raised our entrance fee since day one, but gas and tolls take a... toll. (sorry/not sorry)
Social runs from 7:30-10:30. Raffle and birthday celebration at 9:45. By 10:15, everyone was gone. Cleaned studio, home, and in bed before 11. That's... unlikely.
Please note absence of That Guy (who is injured and I feel bad for him).
*somebody wondered aloud if uncertain times and increased costs are keeping people home; thoughts? We have not raised our entrance fee since day one, but gas and tolls take a... toll. (sorry/not sorry)
raindance
Forum Master
I wonder if your change in music (understandably catering somewhat to the new people showing up) makes the event less appealing to the old regulars? Might be worth informally asking them if that's possible. The salsa/WCS/hustle/street dance music and crowd might not blend seamlessly with the waltz, foxtrot, and rumba crowd.
(I mean this in terms of the balance of music they're happy hearing, or whether it's worth it to them to come if there are only a few of their favorite dances per night given a different mix being played. I have no doubt you are skilled at catering to whoever is there that night ... and yet, a regular who rarely heard certain non-preferred dances previously, and is now hearing them more often, might find the event less appealing than before.)
But it could also be nice weather, spring break schedules, budget constraints, busy working a side hustle, etc, etc, especially if this is a very recent trend.
(I mean this in terms of the balance of music they're happy hearing, or whether it's worth it to them to come if there are only a few of their favorite dances per night given a different mix being played. I have no doubt you are skilled at catering to whoever is there that night ... and yet, a regular who rarely heard certain non-preferred dances previously, and is now hearing them more often, might find the event less appealing than before.)
But it could also be nice weather, spring break schedules, budget constraints, busy working a side hustle, etc, etc, especially if this is a very recent trend.
opendoor
Forum Master
For an event lasting 5 to 6 hours, one could shift the proportions every 2 hours, from 70:30 (% BR:Street) to 30:70 at the end.
Joe
Forum Master
Nice weather?