Tango Diaries

[Bailango]

Dear diary,

Went west coast swing dancing for the first time in a long time and got brutally reminded of how terrible and unwelcoming milongas are. Was there for a couple of hours and got asked to dance by 8 women and two men.

I too went to WCS and after a few dances sat it out cursing the DJ. The music to me was terrible. Everyone else on the dance floor seemed to be going through the motions rather than dance. Because it is hard to dance when music has nothing in it to dance to. This has always been my major grouse against WCS. I hadn’t danced it in a very long time.

I saw more men following than before. On a big dance floor with hundreds of Westies, I probably saw about ten men following.

Tango is so fun at house parties and even at practicas. But went to the milonga on the weekend to see a performance of some stage tango dancers in town and was just reminded of how unfriendly that tango dance floor is compared to other dances.

Same milongas. One week danced more than my average number of tandas. Another week danced two or may be max three tandas. Same pattern, three different milongas.

And this is from the perspective of someone that has a lot of regulars in his dance card, friends from classes and does a lot of socialization.

You can see from my first post on DF and repeated refrain on how unfriendly milongas are. Tanguer@s pride themselves about the unfriendly aspect of the milongas.

 

[itwillhappen]

Tango is so fun at house parties and even at practicas. But went to the milonga on the weekend to see a performance of some stage tango dancers in town and was just reminded of how unfriendly that tango dance floor is compared to other dances.

What, in your opinion, is the difference between a practika and a milonga?
And what motivates you to go to a milonga? To see show dances, really?

 

[opendoor]

...see show dances, really?

Of course, teaser shows by traveling performers are an integral part of the milonga. So are the announcements made verbally at 11 pm.
The milonga primarily serves as a platform for self-expression. If you just want to dance, then leave for the práctica or a self-organized practice session. The milonga is a social heart in the community, not an opportunity to dance.

 

[Brummbaer]

To see show dances, really?

If you want show dances, go to a show. But I've no objection to the occasional performance, which can be inspirational. If it doesn't inspire to think I do that (or similar) - but want to look like that, or I could do that, or I need to work on that, then it's pretty much a 'show'. I've gone to big milongas featuring star performers as the main aspect (we also got to dance - a lot). Interesting!

 

[Brummbaer]

not an opportunity to dance

That rather contradicts the meaning - why not get rid of the TDJ and play some canned background mood music from the shopping mall? But maybe words mean whatever you want them to mean?

 

[brujo]

What, in your opinion, is the difference between a practika and a milonga?

The ones I go to tend to really have that friendly learning vibe to them. People dance one to three songs together, switch roles, give each other feedback and work on stuff. Not as dressy or crowded.

And what motivates you to go to a milonga? To see show dances, really?

This was really the first time there were really good stage performers in my area ( Jesus and Jael who are the current second place in stage tango in the US ). Most teachers that come do performances but they are not stage tango. Normally I go either to hang out, when invited instructors teach classes or when there is a live band. Sometimes they are great. But haven’t really felt the drive to go to milongas weekly as much.

 

[opendoor]

..why not get rid of the TDJ and play some canned background mood music from the shopping mall?

I always grab my girl in the shopping mall and dance in close embrace to that elevator music. No matter what those stupid people around us may think.

 

[Bailango]

I always grab my girl in the shopping mall and dance in close embrace to that elevator music. No matter what those stupid people around us may think.

Why are those around you stupid???? How do you know they are stupid

Think about your dancing or think about dancing to elevator music?

 

[Miradamiranda]

I actually don’t at all find unfriendly the tango scenes that I’m a regular or semi regular in, though I’ve been warned about particular cities, like Stuttgart, Germany. Hmm, come to think of it, the times I’ve danced in Charlotte North Carolina, it was almost only with others not from there. Otherwise, I’ve almost always experienced super welcoming milongas, in big or small cities. If anything, I might - myself - have been perceived as reserved in German speaking places (with other women - not with my partners), but that had to do with a language barrier. Now my ability to communicate there has dramatically improved.

Wait, there is one scene I have no desire to dance in again: Prague. Dancers only dance with others from their own school. On the other hand, the women sitting around were great at socializing. Very international cool crowd. One of my favorite marathons is nearby, but that’s different. If I ever go back, I might not even bother to put on my shoes.

 

[brujo]

I actually don’t at all find unfriendly the tango scenes that I’m a regular or semi regular in,

In a fusion event I go to they read out a “rules of the room” type statement. It’s a bit cheesy but states that if you have issues speak to the host and feel free to say no. It ends with “I say YES to dances, as much as I can, because being welcoming and supportive is important to me”.

I feel that at venues, swing and fusion dancers lean heavily into encouraging each other, salsa/bachata dancers are more neutral whereas tango dancers just feel a bit colder and more distant. Which is weird because when you speak Spanish and interact with all the invited tango teachers their vibe is the reverse, they are super welcoming and excited that you’re there. Maybe it’s much different for women but a lot of the guys I see try tango come in, get discouraged and move on to other dances that are less heavy and more encouraging socially.

 

[itwillhappen]

The ones I go to tend to really have that friendly learning vibe to them. People dance one to three songs together, switch roles, give each other feedback and work on stuff. Not as dressy or crowded.

If you prefer practicas, if you have a good time there, then go there. It's just that both exist. There's no obligation in tango to make yourself unhappy by attending.

But haven’t really felt the drive to go to milongas weekly as much.

My girlfriend didn't want to come to a particular milonga the other day. She'd had a long day at work and didn't want to ruin her evening. I ran into an acquaintance in the parking lot whose wife had also preferred to stay home.

The milonga has a reputation for being particularly elitist, snobbish, and unfriendly. What simply means: there are talented young male dancers who attract talented young female dancers. And this mix naturally attracts a wide range of people who want to establish themselves there. So, the milonga is doing very well as it is.
Thanks to my network, I get to dance, that's not the issue. I just have to be able to accept that the miradas go elsewhere first, that I'm second-rate there. Or that the women I dance with are just average followers like elsewhere.

 

[itwillhappen]

In a fusion event I go to they read out a “rules of the room” type statement. It’s a bit cheesy but states that if you have issues speak to the host and feel free to say no. It ends with “I say YES to dances, as much as I can, because being welcoming and supportive is important to me”.

In tango, I'm only familiar with this kind of cheesy thing in one pre-selected(*) group. A tango marathon combined with yoga and yin & yang, where everyone sees themselves as a family.
Even simpler and fairer would be to draw partners directly ... now number 21 dances with number 54, please enter the floor. But in my opinion, especially for women, the idea of being pushed around the room chest-to-chest by random men for 10 minutes isn't exactly appealing.

*) If we host our house milonga, then everyone has to dance with everyone else. After all, we've personally pre-selected the group. If any tension were to arise, which we certainly don't want in our house, then we would have to choose one guest over another next time.

 

[itwillhappen]

Maybe it’s much different for women but a lot of the guys I see try tango come in, get discouraged and move on to other dances that are less heavy and more encouraging socially.

Every community has the leaders it deserves. And of course, the followers as well. Ultimately, in a voluntary leisure activity, everything is always in balance because anyone who feels more comfortable elsewhere stays away.

 

[Bailango]

I actually don’t at all find unfriendly the tango scenes that I’m a regular or semi regular in, though I’ve been warned about particular cities, like Stuttgart, Germany.

When visiting I found most tango scenes friendly enough. The key part is enough because my point of comparison is dancing other dances in the same town during the same visit. Also relative to my home tango community which is infamous for being probably most snobbish of all places. An observation made by number of visiting AT instructors as well. And common complaint among the locals.

Otherwise, I’ve almost always experienced super welcoming milongas, in big or small cities. If anything, I might - myself - have been perceived as reserved in German speaking places (with other women - not with my partners), but that had to do with a language barrier. Now my ability to communicate there has dramatically improved.

May be it is different for leaders and followers. Though I have heard from some followers how difficult they found when visiting while others have no issue.

May be you are still a PYT and you don’t know it

Wait, there is one scene I have no desire to dance in again: Prague.

Actually as a leader I had great time dancing tango at a milonga in Prague the women were quite friendly. Tells you how different experiences can be!

St Petersburg - good dancing, many followers and easy to get dances. But didn’t get a feeling that followers were friendly. With Russians though it is always a split. Half are friendly and other half is reserved. In local scene too we have many Russian followers. There is half a bunch that I dance with, some of whom are friends. There is other half bunch I don’t, because I can never tell if they were interested in dancing with me (stone faced). While the bunch I dance with tells me “no they (the other half)does really want to dance).”

 

[Bailango]

In a fusion event I go to they read out a “rules of the room” type statement. It’s a bit cheesy but states that if you have issues speak to the host and feel free to say no. It ends with “I say YES to dances, as much as I can, because being welcoming and supportive is important to me”.

Fusion to me is less a dance scene and more of a bohemian, leftist, liberal, politically correct sub-sect I say that as someone fairly liberal!

in, get discouraged and move on to other dances that are less heavy and more encouraging socially.

Experience on the west coast is very different than in Europe and other places (for leads).