Late to the party . . .
Tango was consuming the most time in my life during my first four years (2013-2017), when I was initially just a beginner student, then a part-time barman and general roustabout, then an intermediate-advanced accompanier, and toward the end a práctica organizer and very junior teacher, all at the same studio. At one point I was there to accompany classes for 1-3 hours on each of 3-4 weeknights, to tend bar and/or dance at the milonga for almost 6 hours on Friday nights, attending or running the práctica for 3 hours on Sunday afternoons, taking or even giving 1-2 hours of open classes per week, and also taking 1-3 hours of
expensive private lessons per week . . . I did the detailed math one time and calculated 20 hours/week.
Again, that was at
one studio. I also squeezed in at least one other práctica and one other milonga per week at other studios, bringing my total tango time closer to 25-30 hours most weeks.
What made it feel "addictive" was:
- This time was formerly spent doing other things with other people. Now it was all tango with tango people.
- While much of it was free – in the sense that I was studio personnel and not paying for it – the private lessons were far from free, and I was taking them with three different teachers at one point. Moreover, time spent on tango was eating into my day job, which also cost me money. Bartending didn't make it up.
- The studio was 10 minutes from my home on foot; I had the keys and alarm codes needed to get in; and I had the owner's permission to be there. I couldn't pass in front of the place – which, given its location, I would do many times a week – without sneaking in for an hour or so of tango drills in front of the mirror.
- In 2016-2017, all of this was my way of coping with illness and death in the family, and my failing marriage (not failing due to tango, to be clear . . . my now-ex shared my obsession). It was essentially nonchemical auto-medication.
I believe that "ignores friends, other activities, and work for
[thing]" "partakes of
[thing] whenever possible, no matter the cost," and "uses
[thing] as an escape from the realities of life" would all be familiar to if not definitive of addicts.
What changed was that the studio closed, my marriage ended, and I adequately grieved my father's death. I was no longer able to spend 20 hours + sneak drills at the studio, and I didn't feel the need to use tango as a bulwark against my psychological troubles.
From then until now – with the inevitable break during the pandemic, during which I practiced for 2-3 hours/week with my partner – tango has consisted of a total of 3-5 milongas and prácticas (mostly and sometimes entirely milongas, I confess) per week, call them 3.5 hours apiece, plus an hour-long private lesson. I did the math, once again: 15 hours/week, on average, not "Well 20 at my home studio, another 5-10 at other studios, plus a few hours of drills, so really 25, 30, or more hours/week." Less than half as much, yet distributed among a wider variety of events and locations.
So, I'd no longer qualify myself as an addict. I'd still find it near-impossible to let tango go, but that isn't because of some irrational obsession or inexplicable attraction. It's due to several facts:
- I've invested much time, money, and energy in tango, and would like a return on my investment.
- Now that I feel less like I have to spend all my time, money, and energy on tango, I enjoy it more. It has a seat at the table; it isn't the table.
- Medical professionals in my life claim it's good for my physical and mental health.
Those seem rational enough, and don't sound like the justifications of a recovering addict . . . to me. My sole remaining guilty pleasure is posting here. I do that from my keyboard when I take breaks from work, and I'm not 100% sure whether the breaks clear my head and lead to better work, or distract me from my work.
Oh, and as for videos . . . Meh, not my thing. I watch videos when people send me links, but I rarely look for them. I have some videos of my own dancing, but I typically look at them once and then archive them forever.
