the invitation to dance

[Tango Distance]

Here is another approach reposted from my Not Touchy Feely thread.

I decided to try an experiment. I downloaded a Python environment to my phone, and wrote a short program that randomly picked a number from 1 to 8, inclusive. After each tanda I looked at my phone, tapped the “run” button, and was given a random number from 1 to 8. 1 indicated ask the next person, 2 meant skip one to ask the 2nd person, etc. It was very eye opening. I didn’t realize how much internal dialog I was doing when I would ask ladies to dance. “Oh, she is so beautiful, would she say yes to a mere mortal like me?” “Oh, she is so popular or so good or both, she’ll be bored dancing with me.” “She has not been dancing much (or has been dancing a lot), maybe she is really picky or popular and will reject me?” It turns out these kinds of thoughts were barriers of my own making. Lady after lady said yes, tall, short, beautiful, young, old, skilled, and less skilled. It was an eye opening exercise I seriously suggest trying (you could flip a coin 3 times, or use a random number table, or there must be an app for that).

 

[pianistamediano]

Here is another approach reposted from my Not Touchy Feely thread.

I decided to try an experiment. I downloaded a Python environment...

Apropos of Python and experiments, I've been writing and playing around with a Monte Carlo simulation of a milonga, in order to figure out how bad an imbalance in role numbers is for leaders and followers (No dual-roles yet (if ever), pretty difficult to model). Still working out the kinks, but this is what I have so far:


(22 tandas ~= 4 hours or so, 30 leaders and followers each. Went for logistic model over linear since the way I formulated it, this is essentially a classification model. Naturally, there's quite a few inherent assumptions.)

(Score is a really nebulous concept, and it's meant to be a catch-all quantity from 1 to 10 that tries to capture every factor that might decrease or increase a dancer's probability of being matched, as viewed from the overall perspective of the opposite-role dancers. Essentially, if a follower's score is higher, they have a higher chance of being invited (through cabeceo or verbal or whatever); and the higher the leader's score, the more likely the follower is to accept their invitation. The difference in score also matters.)

(This model also assumes that only leaders invite just to make things simpler. I'm hoping that all the randomness I put inside the model and the weak law of large numbers will help improve its apparent verisimilitude.)

 

[Akylas]

As a lead, it's nice to be asked sometimes, but if someone occasionally meets me in the middle sometimes, even just by mentioning they like dancing with me, I don't mind doing most of the asking.

I am still surprised when I do get asked, but I think it's just because that first year or two of dance experience that taught me to expect to do about all if the asking as a guy. And this is in a dance (Lindy Hop) and particular scene where those gender roles are considered outdated.

Only time I panic a little is when some asks me to dance Balboa because they saw me do it with my wife. They always seem disappointed I pretty much only know the basic. Apparently Balboa leads are hard to find sometimes.

 

[Sway]

As a woman I never ever ever ask a man for a dance. An exception sometimes can be made if I'm standing talking with a friend and one of my favourite songs comes up - I may say "I love this song!" which usually is followed with an invitation to dance from my friend. Catching eye contact, smiling to a particular man I want to dance with are my ways of inviting them to invite me. Old fashioned, I know. I have no problem to share a few dances with beginners if they can feel the music, do not smell bad and behave themselves.

When we lived in a different area, my partner was one of better leaders there and was usually pulled to a dancefloor mid conversation and couldn't go back as another lady (I would say girl as most of theme were in early 20s) caught him leaving the floor after a dance. I saw this as a very cheap behaviour and it further enforced my "never ask a man to dance". Not to mention women lining up to dance with international teachers at festivals. I'd rather never dance with Ataca than stand in a literal line. Or maybe I need to become so good he tries to catch me for a dance

Edit: Everything above is about SBK parties as I've never done a ballroom social.

 

[miabautista]

For me, it depends.

 

[ocean-daughter]

I would like to say "either way," but in practice lately I wait to be asked...at our studio there are usually more follows than leads, so I let them ask. Several of us follows will dance in a line just off the dance floor sometimes, doing our basic step. I don't mind dancing alone some of the time (but I stay at the side, not to get in anyone's way).

Recently I did go to a social, but there also I waited to be asked--I was a little shy--I might gather courage to start asking people.

What I have done is tell someone, "Save me a rumba," or "I'd love to dance a West Coast Swing." That puts the ball in someone's court...

For the most part I am happy to dance with anyone (at least once!). The exceptions would be: 1) someone who makes inappropriate remarks (or gestures, though that hasn't happened); 2) someone who pushes me around instead of leading, and maybe hurts me. I'm happy to dance with beginners (I sometimes get enlisted to do that). Beginners are usually really nice. I would never "scorn" to dance with someone because of their level of experience, or want anyone to think I'd scorn it. The more we dance, the better we'll dance together.