Of course. There's obviously the stereotype of the 'golf widow', or similar, but dance with other partners of the opposite sex can evoke something different. However I do know of couples where only one dances. It's only a problem for some; others resolve it easily. But it does depend on the relationship!
To date or not to date
- Thread starter Pharaoh
- Start date
itwillhappen
Forum Master
I enjoy dancing with my (three) ex-girlfriends, even if a few weeks' break hat been sometimes necessary.
What exactly does "dating" in relation to tango, where "deniability" is a key principle, mean in detail? Arranging to meet at a milonga and then sitting there together? I'd suggest a workshop/event weekend in another city. Ideally one where a lot goes wrong: car trouble, canceled accommodation, forgotten dance shoes, imbalances, you name it. Then you can hopefully figure out whether you'd be better off as a couple or on your own.
My current relationship is going exceptionally well overall and is intended to be long-term. And it offers us both great advantages in terms of tango; I don't even want to list them all.
opendoor
Forum Master
Exactly, that's how I see it too.
That's a key question as 'dating' now has many flavours. I don't think AT is significantly different than other pastimes, except for the emotions which can be stirred - hence, don't confuse the dancefloor with real life!
I thought ‘dating’ means romantic interest rather than “I have a date with xyz (for some purpose)”. To be pedantic “I (we) am(are)
going on a date” is interpreted differently than “I(we) have a date”.
As to “dating” having many flavors, aren’t all those flavors related to some kind of non-platonic relationship rather than mere meet up.
I'm out-of-date and old fashioned but, from reports I read, 'dating' now, sometimes, gets turned round. A 'one-night-stand' may be the necessary pre-cursor of 'dating' in some European cultures. It may be 'friends-with-benefits' (a 'platonic' relationship?). It may be a transaction. It may still mean a romantic relationship leading to a life partnership. It may have an expectation of an exceedingly short-life. It may just mean finding you're incompatible. And, I'm bemused by what I read of some US so-called 'christian' people consider acceptable pre-marital 'sex' during 'dating'. Is co-habiting still 'dating'? The serial 'dater' still exists. And then, of course, there's a risk of, let's say, complicated results and responsibilities from that liaison.
So, I'm suspicious of the OP's consideration of 'dating' in their culture, and an expectation of break up, so I agree with @fiesta0618. Of course, meeting that special someone was one objective of early milongas.
I don't necessarily see the AT scene as different from any other 'scene', such as any sport or work, to meet that special someone IRL. Yes, there are potential complications (jealousy has been noted), but break-up always causes some complication, but it's how we resolve them.
Any kind of relationship with sex or physical intimacy is non- platonic by definition. True that these days there are various types of long term, short term, casual, committed and non committed types of non-platonic relationships that people indulge in under guise of various labels including some you mentioned.
Yes to all above including simultaneously dating which is common now days amongst younger lot in the USA. Unless explictly agreed to be exclusive people can date and sleep around with multiple partners. A lot of relay ships have become transactional.
It is extremely rare to find religious Christians who consider pre-marital sex as forbidden.
As has been repeated many times in the dance discussions irrespective of type of social dance.
There is no generic way to answer. Every individual relationship is unique. There is no way to predict how it will end or how exs will react post separation.
In case of non-platonic:
If break up was mutual and amicable, then may be people will dance with ex and still be friends.
If break up was not amicable (cheating, one of two wanted out, etc) which is often the case, then a lot of drama can ensure which spills into dancing.
In my experience seeing couples break up causes problems with everyone around them too. Often the bad blood means division of friends. Sometimes one of the two gives up and stops dancing all together. I see that often in salsa
If the relationship was always platonic:
Breakup of dance partnership can go either way. I have seen ex-partners ignore each other or one of the two ignore the other when social dancing
opendoor
Forum Master
I dance a tanda with each of them.
No, the regular dance partner is entitled to this.
That's exactly what happens at the milonga. But we often meet for coffee before a milonga to chat.
They do.
opendoor
Forum Master
Regular dance partnerships fall under this category. However, it must be stated that despite all the talk of ideas, Plato was very physically minded.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
In the months that followed, we still attended the events and accommodations we had booked together; with one an apartment, with one a hotel room.
But now that I'm in a committed relationship, I limit my interactions to smalltalk when we meet each other by chance.
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itwillhappen
Forum Master
I know a charming friend who dates discreetly and frequently, so has a strong commitment-avoidant personality; either it's totally casual or it only lasts two weeks. Since he spreads his activities across several cities and various dance styles, it hardly causes public problems in the individual communities. Not that I'm judging, such a lifestyle would just be far too exhausting for me, but he obviously finds his female counterparts.
I think it's perfectly possible to live a good, stress-reduced life on your own; it needs to be a quite good fit to justify a relationship. My SO has more money, and I have more time. It sounds like an odd combination, but both are simply resources, and it works exceptionally well for us. Far more important is being able to cope reasonably well with each other's quirks without wearing each other down with criticism.
I think it's perfectly possible to live a good, stress-reduced life on your own; it needs to be a quite good fit to justify a relationship. My SO has more money, and I have more time. It sounds like an odd combination, but both are simply resources, and it works exceptionally well for us. Far more important is being able to cope reasonably well with each other's quirks without wearing each other down with criticism.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
If you're already thinking about the end from the very beginning, then maybe it's better to just leave it. But I think the consequences are overestimated. Compared to all the other reasons to stop dancing tango temporarily or permanently; and there are plenty of women I'd rather avoid dancing with anyway.
Statistically, 60 to 70 percent of breakups are initiated by women; in my case, regarding tango, it's 100%, but I'm getting better at it and more clear-headed. And afterward, I never faced a "front of her friends"; rather, there were tandas out of curiosity. And nowadays, as I've written elsewhere, although (or perhaps because?), we sometimes kiss on the dance floor, our dance card is significantly longer than when we were solo. But that, of course, depends on details and development.
Exactly! But then there appear to be variants of 'traditional' dating with an anticipated end, so it depends what's implied in the OP's present culture. Extreme caution and some reasoning will be required, but when the hormones kick in...