What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

[Zoopsia59]

I do find it surprising that there is a problem in a city the size of Philidelphia I wonder if people drift over to NYC where my experience suggests that along with Berlin is the most vibrant Tango city outside BsAs.

I'm not sure people in Philly would consider the 2+ hour (one way) trip to NYC to be a "drift".

 

[Zoopsia59]

whom we dubbed Piggy because of her pink shirt

That was the ONLY reason?

 

[ant]

I'm not sure people in Philly would consider the 2+ hour (one way) trip to NYC to be a "drift".

They may or may not. But it was not a word chosen to describe the journey or length of journey between the two cities but a way of descibing a shifting of leaders (and followers maybe) away form Philly towards NYC as a possible explanation of the Tango scene in Philly.

 

[jennyisdancing]

I'm not sure people in Philly would consider the 2+ hour (one way) trip to NYC to be a "drift".

Actually, parts of the Philly suburbs (mainly in sections of New Jersey) are less than 2 hours away from NYC, and yes, some folks do head up to NYC to dance. NYC area has a much larger dance scene since there is a much larger population.

Still, that doesn't explain everything. DC is smaller than Philly, but their dance scene (all styles) seems more active. AT seems to appeal mostly to educated, professional, cosmopolitan types, and there is probably a larger proportion of those in DC & NY.

Don't get me wrong, Philly doesn't lack for educated people...but there may be fewer of them percentage-wise, and most apparently prefer other types of activities. Men in my area, especially, are loathe to try dancing, again contributing to gender imbalance at dance events. Just a wild guess but maybe NYC and DC have more foreign-born guys who don't see a social stigma to dancing.

 

[Zoopsia59]

AT seems to appeal mostly to educated, professional, cosmopolitan types, and there is probably a larger proportion of those in DC & NY.

I'm surprised that Temple doesn't have a Tango club.

 

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

*gasping for breath*

OK, this is so funny, I just have to share. I'm not sure if I posted about this before, but the second class we took in AT, it was a beginning class but there were a bunch of beginner-intermediate dancers in it. Greg is pretty solid on walking, and that's all we were doing, so we decided to go ahead and rotate anyway. The first woman Greg gets sighs and rolls her eyes the whole time, because she can't feel what foot he's on and keeps getting stepped on. His fault or hers is entirely beside the point--she was rude. It was a beginning class. Oh, and he dances successfully with all kinds of other partners.

Anyway, this woman has only been dancing AT since August, but she and her partner have been doing mostly nuevo (hoping i don't start a big debate on that), and they take these gigantic steps, way beyond what is appropriate and certainly bigger than what they are capable of doing gracefully. They have this loosey goosey connection (I've danced with the guy and he was difficult to follow), and they just seem more involved in dancing their patterns than in the connection. They plain don't look good. Oh, and while observing them in an intermediate class later, I noticed that the teacher had to help her over and over again when stuff didn't seem to be working with her partners. So, the fact that she had such an attitude is even more inappropriate.

One night, I observed to DH that this woman, whom we dubbed Piggy because of her pink shirt, didn't seem to get any more dances than I did. Perhaps less. DH suggested that Piggy would claim she didn't get dances because the men were intimidated by her dance prowess. I laughed, but agreed that this must be true.

Tonight, he confirmed it. He went without me, because I'm sick, which just freaking figures, because for the first half hour there were more men than women. I'm pissed. Anyway, he was sitting near Piggy and her partner and a friend they'd bought. And he overheard her telling their friend, "The men don't ask me to dance very much because they're intimidated. I have a lot of dance background."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA he so called it. Sure, honey. It has nothing to do with your lousy attitude or the fact that you seem to have trouble following anyone but your partner. It's because you're such an amazing dancer, outshining the women who have been dancing AT for years.

Am I enjoying this too much?

Twinkltoz, pardon me if I am way off, but that is what I see. It looks like you approach the world of tango with some kind of expectations, and so far the world of tango does not quite meet them, and that causes a good deal of frustration. That is not the most productive attitude.

Basically, you are just making your first steps in the community, and you have choices.

You can choose to get engaged in drama that is plenty in tango world. You can pass your time watching and discussing who gets more dances at milongas, who was rude in class, and whose fault was that, who was corrected more by the teacher, and what did it mean, who was right and who was wrong. Again, no doubt you will have a lot of material to work with.

Also, you can enjoy learning and discovering, focus on the positive, making new friends, cherish amazing moments of connection, with different people, with music, on the levels you did not imagine possible... As you gain knowledge and confidence, you will get more and more of these wonderful moments. Moreover, you will learn to create them, for others as well as for yourself. And then, believe me, you will have very little time nor desire for drama and for proving that you "were right indeed about that girl".

 

[jennyisdancing]

I'm surprised that Temple doesn't have a Tango club.

Evidently they do. I'm an alumna, by the way. But the club is only for students and staff. Princeton has an active tango club as well. Univ. of Penn is big for ballroom, don't know if they have tango. I'm far from student age, though, and all those places are more than an hour's trip anyway.

 

[Nathan]

Evidently they do. I'm an alumna, by the way. But the club is only for students and staff. Princeton has an active tango club as well. Univ. of Penn is big for ballroom, don't know if they have tango. I'm far from student age, though, and all those places are more than an hour's trip anyway.

Perhaps you should ask them if you'd be welcome. If I were running such a club, I would be happy to have experienced dancers come and dance with us, especially if she happened to be an alumna!

 

[twnkltoz]

Twinkltoz, pardon me if I am way off, but that is what I see. It looks like you approach the world of tango with some kind of expectations, and so far the world of tango does not quite meet them, and that causes a good deal of frustration. That is not the most productive attitude.

Basically, you are just making your first steps in the community, and you have choices.

You can choose to get engaged in drama that is plenty in tango world. You can pass your time watching and discussing who gets more dances at milongas, who was rude in class, and whose fault was that, who was corrected more by the teacher, and what did it mean, who was right and who was wrong. Again, no doubt you will have a lot of material to work with.

Also, you can enjoy learning and discovering, focus on the positive, making new friends, cherish amazing moments of connection, with different people, with music, on the levels you did not imagine possible... As you gain knowledge and confidence, you will get more and more of these wonderful moments. Moreover, you will learn to create them, for others as well as for yourself. And then, believe me, you will have very little time nor desire for drama and for proving that you "were right indeed about that girl".

You know what, this is a very good post, and you make an excellent point. I should not be so negative and bitchy, but focus more on improving myself. Thank you.

I'm going to say one more thing in my defense, and then I'm going to drop it. My attitude toward this person is purely based on her treatment of a beginning dancer, which I found completely unacceptable, and I found her arrogance to be extreme. Maybe I was over-the-top mean, but if she had been encouraging and friendly, I would never have thought anything of it her remarks to her friend (OK, I might have snickered a little, but I wouldn't have posted about it).

OK, one more...there is a big difference, IMO, in posting about somebody anonymously on a discussion board where there doesn't seem to be any other posters in my area, and making a dancer feel horrible because you can't control your attitude while you're dancing with him for five minutes. Sure, I was horrible, but she was not directly affected by my vitriol.

That's it. continue bashing me if you like...I'm going to take a break until you're all on to something else.

 

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

Given that I am nice and encouraging to everyone I meet in the dance world (I admit I'll hide to avoid dancing with someone truly painful, but I never ever discourage anyone to their face or let them know I'm unhappy to be dancing with them), no I wouldn't like it if someone said that about me. There's no foundation for it.

However, I found her attitude toward a beginner (and a leader no less--when we badly need more of them), in a beginning class where he belonged, inexcusable. After dancing with her for those few minutes, he was so demoralized he might have left if I wasn't there and he felt obligated to stay.

Again, this is not a productive attitude. First of all, nobody gets a golden star just for taking up a couple of tango classes, as hard as it might be for a given individual. The fact that a person is a man and a potential leader does not make him more entitled to anything at all. Secondly, it is extremely hard to look happy and encouraging if somebody steps on you, because it hurts.

Now lets assume that it was indeed not your husband's fault in the least, and the girl behaved as a horrible bi@ch. If he was trying his best but kept stepping on her toes, the productive thing to do would be to call the teacher and say something like:
"we are trying to do (this and that), and it does not seem to work... could you please help us?" and let the teacher sort things out.

 

[Zoopsia59]

That's it. continue bashing me if you like...I'm going to take a break until you're all on to something else.

You posted something somewhat catty expecting us to revel in the hilarity with you. Instead, people were put off by your post. So now WE'RE the problem?

We only know you by your posts. We aren't there to see how you behave to people directly. If your posts come off as snippy, catty, arrogant, or whatever, then that's what we see of you. It's fairly easy to give the wrong impression or to get the wrong impression on a message board. Besides, if you only want positive "I hear ya, girl!" responses, you probably shouldn't be on a public internet forum. People here disagree with one another quite often, and posting our thoughts, opinions, and experiences opens us up to comments that may not be what we expected (or wanted). That can be annoying or it can be educational. Often, it's both.

BTW, We are on to other things.. there's quite a bit more happening on this thread (and the rest of the board) than just the parts that are about you. Dive into one of those discussions.

 

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

You know what, this is a very good post, and you make an excellent point. I should not be so negative and bitchy, but focus more on improving myself. Thank you.

I'm going to say one more thing in my defense, and then I'm going to drop it. My attitude toward this person is purely based on her treatment of a beginning dancer, which I found completely unacceptable, and I found her arrogance to be extreme. Maybe I was over-the-top mean, but if she had been encouraging and friendly, I would never have thought anything of it her remarks to her friend (OK, I might have snickered a little, but I wouldn't have posted about it).

OK, one more...there is a big difference, IMO, in posting about somebody anonymously on a discussion board where there doesn't seem to be any other posters in my area, and making a dancer feel horrible because you can't control your attitude while you're dancing with him for five minutes. Sure, I was horrible, but she was not directly affected by my vitriol.

That's it. continue bashing me if you like...I'm going to take a break until you're all on to something else.

I am sorry that you feel I am bashing you. That was not my intention at all.

Your attitude is quite understandable, I just believe it is unproductive, and not good for you in the big scheme of things.

Tango is an extremely small world, and about everyone there is literate and has internet access. Hence, there will be always someone from your area reading...

 

[ant]

That's it. continue bashing me if you like...I'm going to take a break until you're all on to something else.

It is a shame that is the way you are thinking because in my opinion you are no the only person giving off these negetive vibs and the post you quoted is not your only one that comes into the categorisation you described.

 

[Zoopsia59]

there will be always someone from your area reading...

As I understand it, the majority of people reading DF don't post. You never know who might be lurking.

 

[Captain Jep]

Personally, I found twnkltoz's post amusing. Doesnt every community have someone like that?

Of course it's not a "productive attitude". But does that matter? A little ego boost always helps when you're starting out..