What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

[UKDancer]

I guess the rest of us didn't have the intellect to pick up on that.

I can't speak for others, but I've been in bed!

Seriously, there have been several suggestions that patterns are of little use in learning to dance tango, and more than one request for someone to put forward an alternate strategy that will enable the clueless beginner (for whom the 'anything is possible' philosophy is just white noise) to develop their ability to dance the typical vocabulary of the language of tango, without using patterns.

For me, I watch more experienced dancers, and I see them executing patterns just about all the time. The most common pattern is one of a series of 'simple' walking steps, usually ending with some rhythmic play that takes its lead from the musical phrasing (most frequently syncopation). Perhaps others wouldn't think of that as a pattern at all, but watching the same couple throughout a track with the same phrasing structure, it's interesting to see how often such a device might be repeated. Maybe it's the leaders favourite track, and he has got into the 'habit' of feeling the song in that way - I don't know.

What is the learning strategy, in practical terms, that avoids patterns as though a plague, and what is the teacher's role, particularly in a class rather than private lesson setting (where I can see the non-pattern approach being far more accessible)?

 

[TangoTricia]

where I can see the non-pattern approach being far more accessible?

Well, one place worth a look is over in the "Learning Leading from Patterns/Sequences" thread where Gssh has provided a great example of an eight week course.

 

[UKDancer]

Well, one place worth a look is over in the "Learning Leading from Patterns/Sequences" thread where Gssh has provided a great example of an eight week course.

Duh! My mind is going: I had intended to post there! (So much for intellect, eh? ).

 

[Dave Bailey]

The other day at the end of the milonga, I told a leader (never danced with him before) that I watched him dancing, and would love to dance with him in future. If you were him, would you be uncomfortable, I mean, feel being pressured?

Hell no, it's a fantastic compliment to pay someone. And it's an excellent ploy - I may borrow that one...

 

[Dave Bailey]

Personally, I found twnkltoz's post amusing. Doesnt every community have someone like that?

Well yeah. Blimey, if we're going to get all upset over a bit of gossip... It's mildly amusing, but nothing compared to the fun of watching Ricardo Oria dressed up as Mr Blobby.

 

[Madahlia]

... It's mildly amusing, but nothing compared to the fun of watching Ricardo Oria dressed up as Mr Blobby.

Heck, Ricardo Orla is fun when he's dressed up as himself!

 

[Mosca Negra]

I'm surprised no one has corrected your obvious error. George Orwell wrote Animal Farm, not Aldous Huxley. Not that that makes your point anymore valid...

Thank you for noticing Tangomonkey. It was intentional. I thought it glaringly obvious; as obvious as a certain comments on Tango. :headwall:

 

[Captain Jep]

Heck, Ricardo Orla is fun when he's dressed up as himself!

Well .. he's always slightly eccentric yes!

Amusing seeing Steve Morrall when he has his "fat (tango) suit" on too ..

 

[Zoopsia59]

It was intentional.

Riiiiiiight....

 

[Losty]

help needed

Please help me, I really don't understand why a follower is being asked, or simply not. It is so depressing- the last milonga I didn't dance at all the whole evening.

It was a new milonga in town, which is in turn a factor surely. But it was also a good attended one with couples and single dancers at once. Most of them know me by sight. I came too early,(or the rest came a little bit later) but nothing changed- I sat there alone and a bunch of women stopped by to encaurage me. That is awful. I like watching the good couples, the evening was not in vain, but, it is still awful and deeply discouraging.

I do tango for two years now, and I admit visiting milongas rarely. But most of the time I stay after classes and everithing is all right there. I feel that most of the men I am dancing with have fun and like the sentiment when we are together. That's why am I so clueless now. I am not one of the top dancers, but really not from the group of the desperately trying ones.

I am not even ugly, or old. I am 28 and was nicely dressed this evening (not half-nacked but still elegant).I still don't get what went wrong this evening...

 

[UKDancer]

I didn't dance at all the whole evening.

What a shame.

Did you know any of the leaders there, or was there anyone with whom you have danced previously? One issue, and as the evening wore on, probably the deciding one, was that if the leaders had not seen you dance (assuming they did not know you) they were taking a 'risk' in asking you, whereas if they restricted their invitations to those they already knew or had seen dancing, they would know what they were getting, if you see what I mean.

How did everyone pair off for dancing? Was there the traditional cabeceo: invitation and acceptance by scanning the room to make eye contact with a prospective partner, and an acknowledgement of the invitation by a nod - all very non-intimidating and subtle, or was it a 'come up and ask me' situation. If the latter, you could be brave, next time, and ask a leader directly for a dance. If the former, make sure that your body language suits your desire to dance. Be alert at the end of each tanda, and scan the room. If you see particular leaders that you would like to dance with, look directly at them and seek eye contact. They may still have other plans, or having seen your invitation, look away, and make other plans, but you need to be active in the process, or you will sit out.

And welcome to DF.

 

[Losty]

Most of the time leaders just come up and ask for a dance. I dare invite sometimes but only if the man gave me a sign - a smile, or just having a chat with me. No one rejected my invitation but, all in all, it happens rarely to pair off in such a manner.

At that milonga I was sitting next to the teacher couple-it was not possible to invite my teacher. But that is true- I am not very active at that point. I assume everybody can see me and if nobody comes, nobody wants to dance with me. Which is ok, I don't want to be impatient or rude, but I really like dancing. It makes me really sad and not especially confident.

Well, I can divide the leaders that night in three groups- teachers with their wives, where I used to take classes. Imposiible to dance with. Second, men that I have never danced with yet, but that saw me dancing on several occasions. We never talked to each other, but we saw occasionally each other. And the third group of people I met for the first time. The second group was the largest. Those men I usually dance with came too late- I was already on the way home.

I still don't know what to do next- I don't want to become "the lady that sits out the whole milonga". Just one or two milongas like this one and it will be a fact, not just a guess.

 

[Ray Sison]

Losty, welcome to Dance Forums. And sorry to hear about your disappointment. Hope things are better next time. If you have some friends in your class, maybe you can go to a milonga with them, and not be alone? Maybe other people in your class go?

 

[LoveTango]

Most of the time leaders just come up and ask for a dance. I dare invite sometimes but only if the man gave me a sign - a smile, or just having a chat with me. No one rejected my invitation but, all in all, it happens rarely to pair off in such a manner.

At that milonga I was sitting next to the teacher couple-it was not possible to invite my teacher. But that is true- I am not very active at that point. I assume everybody can see me and if nobody comes, nobody wants to dance with me. Which is ok, I don't want to be impatient or rude, but I really like dancing. It makes me really sad and not especially confident.

Well, I can divide the leaders that night in three groups- teachers with their wives, where I used to take classes. Imposiible to dance with. Second, men that I have never danced with yet, but that saw me dancing on several occasions. We never talked to each other, but we saw occasionally each other. And the third group of people I met for the first time. The second group was the largest. Those men I usually dance with came too late- I was already on the way home.

I still don't know what to do next- I don't want to become "the lady that sits out the whole milonga". Just one or two milongas like this one and it will be a fact, not just a guess.

Hi Losty,
I hope you don't get discouraged from this experience. It might be just a unlucky day. Even though I get lots of dances at my favorite milonga, I still sit out a lot at some other milongas where people don't know me.

You may try a few things:
- don't sit next to the teachers. The other leaders might think you are with the teachers, might be a teacher. They could be intimidated.
- sit near a place with lots of traffic. When leaders are not certain about your personality, not certain whether or not you would decline, it is better you are at a place where they may hide their failure (be refused) easily.
- learn about cabeceo. I know it is difficult at the beginning, but for most of the leaders, that's the way to invite dances. When you start to know more people, this becomes very easy with friends.
- being young and pretty might not be a plus for getting dances because leaders don't know whether you are too proud. So you might need to be more active and try to show your friendliness.

Well, I guess leaders can tell you whether I said above are wrong.

Please don't give up. Good luck and have fun!

 

[dchester]

Please help me, I really don't understand why a follower is being asked, or simply not. It is so depressing- the last milonga I didn't dance at all the whole evening.

It was a new milonga in town, which is in turn a factor surely. But it was also a good attended one with couples and single dancers at once. Most of them know me by sight. I came too early,(or the rest came a little bit later) but nothing changed- I sat there alone and a bunch of women stopped by to encaurage me. That is awful. I like watching the good couples, the evening was not in vain, but, it is still awful and deeply discouraging.

I do tango for two years now, and I admit visiting milongas rarely. But most of the time I stay after classes and everithing is all right there. I feel that most of the men I am dancing with have fun and like the sentiment when we are together. That's why am I so clueless now. I am not one of the top dancers, but really not from the group of the desperately trying ones.

I am not even ugly, or old. I am 28 and was nicely dressed this evening (not half-nacked but still elegant).I still don't get what went wrong this evening...

It's really hard to give a good answer to this, because we no so little about you, the men who were there, the place and the local customs.

So anything I might say is just a guess based on stuff I've seen (but it might not apply to your situation). Try doing a lot more standing (near places where men would be walking by). If the cabeceo is used there, try initiating it. In general, you may need to "work the room", and initiate conversations with men. Depending on the community, asking a guy to dance, might be OK. If there's a class before the milonga, you might tell a few of the guys that you hope they'll ask you to dance tonight. Watch what other women there are doing, and see if you can pick up on anything.

We've all had bad nights before though. I'm sure that things will get better for you.