What are the proper rules when you are on a date at a salsa club?

[salsero77003]

Here is a topic that might sound trivial but is something that my girlfriend and I are having constant arguments.

I consider myself an advance salsa dancer. She has been dancing salsa for 3 months so I would consider her an intermediate to advance salsa dancer.

She enjoys dancing with other guys to learn new moves. She feels if she just dances with me exclusively she will be back leading after she knows all my moves.

She wants me to wait for her when she gets off the dance floor so that we can dance the next song. I have no problem waiting.

She doesn’t mind me dancing with other girls and I have in the past.


The argument arises when I would like her to wait for me to get off the dance floor so that we can dance the next song.

She feels that someone else might ask her to dance while she is waiting. She doesn’t want to loose the opportunity to learn more moves thus she feels her passion for salsa is being taken away from her. She is very upset about this subject. We are at a point where we will no long be going to a salsa club together anymore. She will go by herself. I can live without going salsa dancing every week but she cannot.

If I am waiting for her why can’t she wait for me? If I don’t wait for her then we would probably never dance during the entire night.

So what are the proper rules when you are on a date at a salsa club?

Thanks for your help.

 

[sac76]

Hi,
im not sure if this will help you but would like to give 2cents here.
Insted of you guys wating for each other, why dont you or she get hold of you whenever u wanna dance together?instead of having rules, try thinking for her as just another dance partner and not a date. i do the same with my partner and we dont have this problem anymore. Also, if you guys would like to dance on a particular song, just request the DJ to play that song next, and u tell ur partner that have booked her for this dance... or have her book you.
problem solved.... and its great that u guys are dancing with everyone and not exclusively.....this is the only way u both can improve tremendously and appreciate each other when u guys finally get to dance together

cheers

 

[salsero77003]

Thanks for your reply sac,

In order for us to get a hold of the other person to dance one must wait until the other person stops dancing. Hence, she believes it's the mans job to wait. It's like opening a car door for a lady.

I guess I'm old fashion and I would love to dance with her over any other girl. I'm totally into learning more moves with her by whatching advance DVD's/taking lessons.

Also, the ladies allways gets asked to dance and typically there are more men than woman at a club. Thus, the guy typically waits due to the lack of ladies.

I hope more people can give me more opinions on this subject.


Thanks

 

[waltzgirl]

3 months is not that long to be dancing. Some of what she feels sounds like new dancer's enthusiasm--the feeling that every single dance is a precious opportunity that it's painful to miss out on! I remember feeling that way. She may relax as she gets more experience and realizes that she'll be dancing for a long time to come.

As a woman, I can partly understand her not wanting to wait for you. If she has to turn down other dancers in order to wait for you, those leaders may not ask her again. So she'd be losing not just one dance, but the chance to dance with that guy at all. And if people get the general impression that you're a couple and mostly dance together, then fewer people may ever ask her.

Maybe you could compromise. Decide together on how often you want to dance together. Say you decide you'd like to dance every third dance together. Then after two dances with other people, when the third song starts, you both find each other and dance--neither one has to wait for the other. Or set aside a specific time, like the first and last half hour of the evening to dance with each other, and in between dance with whoever without having to wait for one another. You should be able to come up with some agreement that will work for you.

 

[squirrel]

Three months - intermediate to advanced???

I'd say beginner is more likely.

You have too many rules. Just have fun dancing.

Edie the Salsa Freak told me something once, when I complained about my boyfriend's dancing - "He will never be your favourite dance partner! And if you try to make him so, you will end up fighting, 'cause you just expect soooooo much of him!". She is right, IMO.

So, don't make any rules when you and your GF go out. Just have fun and dance with each other when you feel like it.

 

[naturallove]

I'd agree with squirrel--sounds like your girlfriend is a beginning salsera with that fire (passion)! She's also smart enough to realize that dancing with you all of the time will cause her to backlead. There was one couple in one of my classes who insisted on dancing with each other the whole time and no one else. So if the guy didn't know the move, the girl was out of luck, and I'd bet money the girl had problems dancing with other men.
Salsa is fun but not worth constant arguments! I would say that she is holding you to a double standard, which seems unfair. Why does there have to be a set of rules for you guys to go to the club and enjoy yourselves? I've seen plenty of salseros with significant others go to the club and dance with their partners and other salseras with no issues--it really doesn't have to be as formal as you two seem to be making it. You might start out the night dancing with each other for a song or two and then start dancing with other people. (I don't think I'd like dancing with the same person all night, myself). You could even make a dj request for a certain song you know your girlfriend likes as an opportunity for you two to dance. Hope this helps!

 

[Big10]

I consider myself an advance salsa dancer. She has been dancing salsa for 3 months so I would consider her an intermediate to advance salsa dancer.

I agree with squirrel's view -- it's very unlikely that she could be on the cusp of being an advanced Salsa dancer if she started from ground zero just three months ago. Has she been taking lessons at SSQQ? (I assume you live in Houston, so I'm just curious.)

We are at a point where we will no long be going to a salsa club together anymore. She will go by herself. I can live without going salsa dancing every week but she cannot.

I don't think you two should completely cut out going to Salsa clubs together -- and I do think it is a significant point that you don't need to go out dancing as much as she does. So, give her a lot of freedom! However, see if she will agree that the two of you can arrange a "Special Salsa Date Night" where you get priority (and she therefore has to wait for you), perhaps once a month?

I can understand and sympathize with her view (especially this early in her development) that most of her dances should also be learning opportunities. Nevertheless, hopefully she can understand your view that dancing can also represent an opportunity for the two of you to spend quality time together, doing something that you both like. There have to be some nights where dancing is not about learning, but just about enjoying the moment! It seems reasonable to me that if your girlfriend sees that you are giving her the freedom to "learn" several times a month, then she should be grateful, and willing to compromise by giving you priority on just a small fraction of her overall dance outings. Of course, I'm a man, too, and what seems perfectly "reasonable" to me is not always as reasonable as it should be to the opposite sex. If your girlfriend absolutely refuses to give you priority on any of her many dance nights, even knowing that it is something you consider important, then she would seem a bit selfish to me (and that might be an indicator of other potential concerns for your compatibility and the relationship overall).


P.S. -- There are no concrete "proper rules" for dates at Salsa clubs. Indeed, there are some people (not necessarily me) who don't think a Salsa club is a good place for a date under any circumstances! That view has been mentioned in several different threads on this forum in the past.

 

[Shooshoo]

This is a bit strange to read, it's usually the man who's happy to get some space from his girlfriend. Take the opportunity when you have it. You can get all the girls you want without she critisizing you.

 

[Dave Bailey]

It sounds like you're confusing the "dance partner" and "life partner" roles, basically. Your life partner may well not be the best choice as a dance partner - although I think your dance partner is often a great choice as life partner

I consider myself an advance salsa dancer. She has been dancing salsa for 3 months so I would consider her an intermediate to advance salsa dancer.

Quick progress.... I've got another 8+ years of walking before I become a non-beginner at Argentinean Tango

So what are the proper rules when you are on a date at a salsa club?

There aren't any, at least in the UK - every couple I know work out their own arrangements. Typically, they'll dance the last dance, but everything apart from that varies...

 

[Vin]

I think you should discuss it with her. My girlfriend and I had some issues as well with proper "etiquette" between couples.

Basically if one of us wants to dance with the other we look for each other and ask to dance as we would anyone else. Waiting for each her in case she wants to dance is kind of ridiculous if you ask me. I will wait if I want to dance with her and vise versa.

On the other hand we occasionally go salsa dancing "outside the scene" on those days we pretty much are just a couple and we don't mingle with other people. It's more like a date night for us.

 

[samina]

you might want to try a "save the next one for me" with her, so that she knows to wait for you... and if she gets asked, she can tell the guy she's taken for that dance but she'd love the next one... certainly that's a normal approach in any social dancing setting.

and i agree... relax. enjoy each other. don't place so much importance on it all... some nites you're gonna dance with each other like crazy & other nites you're gonna be in the arms of many other people... every nite has its own vibe, its own benefits...

 

[salsamale]

...The argument arises when I would like her to wait for me to get off the dance floor so that we can dance the next song...

If I am waiting for her why can’t she wait for me? If I don’t wait for her then we would probably never dance during the entire night.

So what are the proper rules when you are on a date at a salsa club?

I like the idea of agreeing beforehand, which dances you will have, e.g. first and last dance + first bachata. This would guarantee you 3 dances, and since you have the first and last dances, everyone will know you are together.

 

[englezul]

I'm still waiting for somone to grow some balls and call bull**** on her behaviour.

She wants me to wait for her when she gets off the dance floor so that we can dance the next song. I have no problem waiting.

The argument arises when I would like her to wait for me to get off the dance floor so that we can dance the next song.

I say you should from all all points of view expect the same from her. No one will get upset if she genuinely says "I want to dance my next dance to my boyfriend but I'll ask you to dance a little later" so she has no excuse. Not only that but I would expect that she'd take dancing with you over dancing with anyone else anytime NOT THE REVERSE. She has enough time and opportunity to dance with other people.

And no porno matrix bachata - kinda how i'm dancing it :twisted: . That's should be off limits too. I for one would not dance like that with someone else's girlfriend, or with another woman except my girlfriend.

Do not become a woman's dog ; and you know you're acting like one when you're literally waiting for her to give you some attention or to act like any loving partener acts towards the person they're in a relationship with.

 

[Dancelf]

My own guidelines - again, taken primarily from westie...

1) On a date: after each dance with "someone else", you always touch base for the next song (dance together, sit out together, whatever).

2) With a group: first dance, last dance, most dances. After a dance with an outsider, you return to the group - if outsider is worth a second dance, he/she is worth sharing with the others in the group.

3) With a community: first dance, last dance, first dance after a break, more dances than with anyone else, particular song (this one a bit dangerous). If partner sits out a dance, you touch base, and otherwise generally try to stay in the neighborhood/make it easy for partner to claim the next dance if there hasn't been one for a while.

0) If you feel like a pathetic chump, then you are. That's not intended to be an insult, but rather an explanation that the feeling is an indication that you should do something about it (cut in, pick up someone else, go home, grab a drink, whatever works for you). I still don't know what sabor is, but wallowing in misery, it isn't.

 

[AlexSem]

I'm still waiting for somone to grow some balls and call bull**** on her behaviour.



I say you should from all all points of view expect the same from her. No one will get upset if she genuinely says "I want to dance my next dance to my boyfriend but I'll ask you to dance a little later" so she has no excuse. Not only that but I would expect that she'd take dancing with you over dancing with anyone else anytime NOT THE REVERSE. She has enough time and opportunity to dance with other people.

And no porno matrix bachata - kinda how i'm dancing it :twisted: . That's should be off limits too. I for one would not dance like that with someone else's girlfriend, or with another woman except my girlfriend.

Do not become a woman's dog ; and you know you're acting like one when you're literally waiting for her to give you some attention or to act like any loving partener acts towards the person they're in a relationship with.

Second that <br><br><br>

If this is such a big issue for you, the relationship itself is simply not working out in my opinion. This is a rather trivial matter. Why it's not working out is what you seriously need to look at. Ask yourself honestly why you get upset and seek validation/answers on forums and you might be a step closer to a happy relationship/life