What are the technical elements of a pleasant embrace?

Miradamiranda said:
A sweaty partner doesn’t deter me one bit. Wrong activity for sweat phobic people.
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As my coach says, "If you have problems with being up close and personal with another person you barely know, you've picked the wrong dance." She really does say this to students on Day One. She makes it quite clear that tango eventually ends up with two people plastered chest-to-chest, covered in sweat, sometimes bumping knees or toes, and occasionally brushing the wrong part of the body by accident . . . even after 33 years of experience as a professional tango dancer.
 
Be Present said:
I am interested in leader’s perspective; especially those who tend to perspire heavily.
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Practice - don't care. You're both going to get hot and sweaty, but you try. Longed-for shower afterwards.

I find some/many anti-perspirants and deodorants actually make me perspire more. Like in rivers, even when it's cold. I've become very selective about those which work. Primarily natural/organic and probably less effective overall, but the alternatives are far worse for all involved. Appears to work over the years I've been using such stuff.

I prefer my milongas cold and low-humidity. If al fresco, then low-humidity. I run hot. I go for 'technical', or natural fabrics, which breathe. I prefer my followers cold and preferably dry, but difficult to change the environment. Yes, I'll find some moves to stay by the aircon stream if there is one, or open door or window. Make-up - it happens, and it washes.

Hair sprays and potent perfumes - can bring on the rhinitis. Perfumes are generally wasted on me.
 
JournalInTime said:
I'm not too proud to unbutton it to a near-1970s-disco extent to maximize cooling
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:D

Same, though I draw the line at two buttons – three (on my shirts, at least) would probably actually open a rift in the space-time fabric and pull us all back to 1970.

I'm in the 'clean sweat isn't a problem' camp. If someone has showered before the milonga, and is wearing clean clothes, they don't smell no matter how much they sweat. The problem is usually someone wearing clothes they've sweated in previously and not laundered.
 
Be Present said:
I am interested in leader’s perspective; especially those who tend to perspire heavily. And how do others followers view this?
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I don't sweat much at all, hardly ever when I dance (leader). It has to be really hot in the room for that to happen. I often dance with sweaty women though, which means I end up with a sweat-stained shirt.
 
Be Present said:
For leaders who are turned down, how does it affect you? Do you ever ask the follower again?
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Well, it's disappointing. I'll try a couple of times at different milongas. If it happens two or three times, I won't try to get her attention again because it's highly unlikely she'll change her attitude. So after a certain moment, it's simply not worth the effort and inevitable disappointment.
 
Be Present said:
For leaders who are turned down, how does it affect you?
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I guess it depends on the motivation for the initial invitation. Was this the follower I'd been waiting for throughout the milonga?Was it just about a tanda, or were there other motivations for the choice?

For a dance? Small, but tending strongly to zero disappointment.

Be Present said:
Do you ever ask the follower again?
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Depends how the response is given. No one's ever implied that they never want to dance with me. So, why not?
 
Be Present said:
I have a difficult time saying no to cabeceos. For leaders who are turned down, how does it affect you? Do you ever ask the follower again?
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I don't frame it that way, mirada/cabeceo should be about two people finding each other, not one asking and one deciding to accept or reject

If I don't connect with someone the first few times we see each other, then probably we both write the other person off as incompatible or uninterested though
 
pianistamediano said:
It all stems from the stupid myth that cabeceo/mirada causes a power imbalance in favour of the leader. Completely ridiculous, because it ignores the agency of the follower in being able to decide who they want to dance with.
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There's the equivalent stupid(?), feminist-empowering(?), myth that it empowers the follower.

And, of course, what this ignores is friends at a table, and the fallback 'walkaceo' (just ask! It's not even cute).

Rabbit said:
about two people finding each other
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That's an interesting perspective, especially for those just there to dance and their perception of AT.
 
Brummbaer said:
That's an interesting perspective, especially for those just there to dance and their perception of AT.
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What other good reason (*) is there to use mirada/cabeceo? If you wish to have the dynamic of one person asking and the other choosing to accept or not, then it is better to ask verbally and get responses with less miscommunication. In fact, I use mirada/cabeceo for the vast majority of the time and even so I consider seriously the question of whether I should transition to doing some direct verbal invitations as I am certain that the protocol produces at least some unintended miscommunications and disconnections.

(*) it's 2024, nobody cares if they see someone asking another person and being declined
 
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