Why some women are not asked to dance

Cabbit said:
New not-dancing theories, or a trend that has been emerging on milongas. I noticed that most leaders i know avoid me for the first half of events, because they need time to warm up, relax and whatnot. I asked. :D And then they all want to dance in the last hour.
Click to expand...

Maybe they think you're too good for them so they need to be in top shape to dance with you :)
 
Cabbit said:
New not-dancing theories, or a trend that has been emerging on milongas. I noticed that most leaders i know avoid me for the first half of events, because they need time to warm up, relax and whatnot. I asked. :D And then they all want to dance in the last hour.
Click to expand...
Been there in several forms. Maybe the simple answer is best: the male equivalent of I've got a headache.

When working, sometimes just needed to relax and chill a little after a trying day. Sometimes, as the introvert, I just want to suss out what's happening first. Sometimes those music choices just don't motivate me. Sometimes the imposter syndrome kicks in and I just know I can't lead that follower.

And sometimes I want to dance from the moment I've got my shoes on and the tanda starts.

Women don't have sole rights on complex characters!
 
Cabbit said:
New not-dancing theories, or a trend that has been emerging on milongas. I noticed that most leaders i know avoid me for the first half of events, because they need time to warm up, relax and whatnot. I asked. :D And then they all want to dance in the last hour.
Click to expand...
As a lead, when I receive a mirada from a woman I want to dance with but not then (not that music, I’m tired, or whatever), I usually go up to her and state that verbally. I don’t expect that from women and wonder whether I should do that at all. I’m not talking about women I dance with regularly, but someone new, or someone I have only danced with once or twice.

If it’s someone I know well, that isn’t necessary—she’ll understand that I just don’t want that with her at the moment.

As regards Cabitt’s experience, I will also wait until I feel I’m in good form before dancing with a follower I know is really good.

I also don’t want to start the evening with a charity dance. I want to start with someone I know well so that any botches will be laughed off; so that I can relax and warm up with someone who is comfortable and familiar.

It’s amazing how structured the evening has become compared to the chaos I felt when I first started going to milongas.
 
Last edited:
Cabbit said:
..And then they all want to dance in the last hour.
Click to expand...
There are some other issues in the background. When I had my heyday in tango, I did not dance for pleasure. It was more like a competitive ritual:

- collect as much besitos as possible
- agree for a certain dance with one of the alpha females kissed
- wait until a seat in the VIP corner is free
- have an contemptuously eye on the competitors
- waiting for demanding music and an halfway empty dance floor

WhiskeyPapa said:
..don’t want to start the evening with a charity dance
Click to expand...
That really was an issue when I started dancing.

Obligatory Dances

When I go to a dance party or a social dancing venue I know, that a great deal of my dancing will be reservated for abligatory dances. I feel obliged to ask all the women, that used to dance with me 10 years ago, when I was a raw beginner. And just as these women helped me to get on the...
www.dance-forums.com www.dance-forums.com
 
Last edited:
Cabbit said:
New not-dancing theories, or a trend that has been emerging on milongas. I noticed that most leaders i know avoid me for the first half of events, because they need time to warm up, relax and whatnot. I asked. :D And then they all want to dance in the last hour.
Click to expand...
Same! The better I got or was perceived to be the later I was asked to dance. It's very frustrating to see beginners and near beginners dance repeated tandas while the night ticks away and you get progressively colder and stiffer!

My solution was to A. start pulling a Cinderella and when I got the inevitable "but we haven't danced yet" actually leave with a "maybe next time" or "I've an early start tomorrow". They were quite shocked when I didn't immediately remove my coat!:D Eventually the leaders realised that I wouldn't be waiting around all night while they ambled about the floor with everyone else.

B. Verbally suggest a "warm-up dance" as I greeted them upon arrival. This is a trick I learned from my more assertive friend who would always greet her favourites with "fancy a Vals later?" And since it was only a warm-up dance there was no performance pressure!

C. Occasionally organise a milonga "date" with a particularly good leader. Nothing too formal just a mutual agreement that we were going to the same milonga on the same night but enough to sit together and reserve a tanda or two.

D. attend the whatever "not beginner" level class was being taught before the milonga. Many of the leaders would be invited to fill out the class and it was customary to start the milonga straight afterwards. This had the dual effect of being a warm-up and finding a good table to sit at. This doesn't work where there is a gap between the start of the milonga and the end of the class as everyone would go home to change and eat and both advantages would be lost.
 
Rabbit said:
This is all too complicated for me... if a partner I like wants to dance we just dance immediately, no planning required.
Click to expand...
Yes, that's normal. Ah, but remember those days of travelling... different venue, different country, different state of mind.

I think my problem now would be just having a different follower.
 
Rabbit said:
This is all too complicated for me... if a partner I like wants to dance we just dance immediately, no planning required.
Click to expand...
This. I got reminded so often to be conscious and present while dancing, to dance this dance, the best dance possible and not a past or future one.

That may sound like feminine esotericism, but it is well known that dancing begins with the invitation. And when I invite, I try not to think about how the evening will be. And I also try to block subtle external influences.

That hardly works in the turmoil of a milonga if it doesn't work out during daily meditation. But my current limitation to 1: 1 or 2: 2 dancing is definitely helpful because many disruptive factors get implicitely eliminated. Cinderella is exposed there as an illusion.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Dance Ads

Advertise on Dance Forums Reach dancers, teachers, studios, event organizers, and dance-friendly brands. View ad options
Back
Top