Why some women are not asked to dance

[JournalInTime]

I already have a lot of partners that I enjoy dancing with so I want to be loyal to them as I have known them for a long time. I do sometimes dance with new people, but I do feel I should have the right to be selective

That sums up my situation. About 95% of the time, I dance in the city where I live. Within this city, I go to the same few places just about every week. I've therefore curated a fair large collection of regular partners – my dance card is often filled for the night while I'm tying my shoes in the cloakroom. I see that as selective, not snobby . . . my preferred partners are ones I've in some sense "worked with" or at least developed "dance telepathy" with, not people distinguished by skill level, age, looks, net worth, popularity, or whatever.

I also think that when someone is new to a dancing venue or even new to dancing, it is perfectly normal for them to require time to make friends. I don't feel like it is my job to always be an ambassador, but sometimes I will serve that role. But it is also not my responsibility to do that.

I agree. I worked for a studio for years. Event organizers and studio staff definitely know who's new or from out of town. Not a milonga went by where the owner, organizer, host or hostess, DJ, barman, and person taking money at the door weren't aware of every new arrival. It's their job to be the welcoming committee! They can, in my opinion should, and in my experience do make introductions and/or drop names to their established clientele . . . but that clientele has a lot invested in their existing partner rotation, and mainly dancing with those partners doesn't make them bad people.

This is one reason why I think studio personnel shouldn't limit their dancing to coworkers and teachers at their level. They're paid ambassadors. If they don't feel like doing that job, there are doubtless many other events all over town where they're "just dancers."

 

[opendoor]

I already have a lot of partners that I enjoy dancing with so I want to be loyal to them as I have known them for a long time. I do sometimes dance with new people, but I do feel I should have the right to be selective..

I believe that the longer you are active in a dance scene, the fewer dancers you will dance with. There is such a curve, you start with one permanent dance partner, then you emancipate yourself. You have a permanent dance parter but already start grooming the next one. Finally you dont have a permanent dance partner and regard your town, your region, your continent, the world as your territory . Finally you return, only to dance at home with three or four dirfferent dancers at the most.

 

[Brummbaer]

I believe that the longer you are active in a dance scene, the fewer dancers you will dance with. There is such a curve, you start with one permanent dance partner, then you emancipate yourself. You have a permanent dance parter but already start grooming the next one. Finally you dont have a permanent dance partner and regard your town, your region, your continent, the world as your territory . Finally you return, only to dance at home with three or four dirfferent dancers at the most.

I know some who would argue: That's not social AT. It's dancing some AT figures, but not as we know it.

 

[JournalInTime]

I believe that the longer you are active in a dance scene, the fewer dancers you will dance with. There is such a curve, you start with one permanent dance partner, then you emancipate yourself. You have a permanent dance parter but already start grooming the next one. Finally you dont have a permanent dance partner and regard your town, your region, your continent, the world as your territory . Finally you return, only to dance at home with three or four dirfferent dancers at the most.

I know some who would argue: That's not social AT. It's dancing some AT figures, but not as we know it.

You'll get arguments on all sides of this!

I consider tango to be "social tango" if: (1) I dance with more than one partner during the typical milonga, (2) we share the floor with other dancers, and (3) there's a framing context for social interaction (tables for chatting, bar for drinks, tienda de segunda mano, whatever). It isn't necessary that I dance with lots of partners, or with strangers, to make the tango "social" . . . that's covered by being surrounded by likeminded people on and off the floor, and by respecting their space and safety especially on the floor. "Social" isn't a contrast with "antisocial" so much as with "stage" or "exhibition" or "demonstration."

 

[opendoor]

..consider.. "social tango" if: (1).. (2).. (3)..

Please add (4) has a background in social dancing!

 

[ArbeeNYC]

I know some who would argue: That's not social AT. It's dancing some AT figures, but not as we know it.

I don't really see how this applies. Why would it not be social AT? There's no requirement that you dance with everyone for it to be social AT.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

I believe that the longer you are active in a dance scene, the fewer dancers you will dance with. There is such a curve, you start with one permanent dance partner, then you emancipate yourself. You have a permanent dance parter but already start grooming the next one. Finally you dont have a permanent dance partner and regard your town, your region, your continent, the world as your territory . Finally you return, only to dance at home with three or four dirfferent dancers at the most.

There's some truth to this, at least with respect to one's evolution. I don't think the last statement is necessarily true though. Most importantly, because it eliminates the aspect of serendipity, which is so important.

 

[Brummbaer]

I don't really see how this applies. Why would it not be social AT? There's no requirement that you dance with everyone for it to be social AT.

First, I did say 'some would argue'. My take on it is that as partners are reduced, so, maybe, are tandas and specific music chosen, until ultimately it tends towards an exclusive performance, or exhibition. You can only do that tanda/dance with that partner. Maybe the figures used even become fixed and routine, and even impractical to lead/follow with anyone else.

Sure, there's no requirement to dance with everyone, but it needs a sufficient number of dance partners.

I'm not saying what a 'sufficient' number is. It's more than one and less than everyone. Exclusive groups are rarely good.

 

[itwillhappen]

I believe that the longer you are active in a dance scene, the fewer dancers you will dance with. There is such a curve, you start with one permanent dance partner, then you emancipate yourself. You have a permanent dance parter but already start grooming the next one. Finally you dont have a permanent dance partner and regard your town, your region, your continent, the world as your territory . Finally you return, only to dance at home with three or four dirfferent dancers at the most.

You can design it this way or another way, it can also be that external circumstances have an influence. But I don't see any compulsive course of development there.

 

[itwillhappen]

I already have a lot of partners that I enjoy dancing with so I want to be loyal to them as I have known them for a long time. I do sometimes dance with new people, but I do feel I should have the right to be selective, whether that be because they appear to dance well or even I find them attractive, and close to my age.

I am long past this stage. I don't want to owe loyalty to anyone, at least not in the core area of dancing together. Which doesn't exclude that I like to dance with some dancers again and again - one tanda per milonga.

 

[itwillhappen]

I agree. I worked for a studio for years. Event organizers and studio staff definitely know who's new or from out of town. Not a milonga went by where the owner, organizer, host or hostess, DJ, barman, and person taking money at the door weren't aware of every new arrival. It's their job to be the welcoming committee!

Around here, the DJ isn't usually an integral part of the studio staff, but is hired for the evening, at least when he's not the same person as the host. Therefore the DJ could not see himself as an integral part of a welcoming committee. Regardless of that, I think a strong presence is important.

 

[DanceMentor]

I am long past this stage. I don't want to owe loyalty to anyone, at least not in the core area of dancing together. Which doesn't exclude that I like to dance with some dancers again and again - one tanda per milonga.

Part of my reasoning is I feel like there are some ladies where we have developed our repertoire together, so we already dance together well, so I would rather be loyal to them in that sense. It's not something emotional where I'm required to do something through a sense of obligation.

 

[DanceMentor]

That sums up my situation. About 95% of the time, I dance in the city where I live. Within this city, I go to the same few places just about every week. I've therefore curated a fair large collection of regular partners – my dance card is often filled for the night while I'm tying my shoes in the cloakroom. I see that as selective, not snobby . . . my preferred partners are ones I've in some sense "worked with" or at least developed "dance telepathy" with, not people distinguished by skill level, age, looks, net worth, popularity, or whatever.

I agree. I worked for a studio for years. Event organizers and studio staff definitely know who's new or from out of town. Not a milonga went by where the owner, organizer, host or hostess, DJ, barman, and person taking money at the door weren't aware of every new arrival. It's their job to be the welcoming committee! They can, in my opinion should, and in my experience do make introductions and/or drop names to their established clientele . . . but that clientele has a lot invested in their existing partner rotation, and mainly dancing with those partners doesn't make them bad people.

This is one reason why I think studio personnel shouldn't limit their dancing to coworkers and teachers at their level. They're paid ambassadors. If they don't feel like doing that job, there are doubtless many other events all over town where they're "just dancers."

Yes I feel like you took what I said and expanded on it and I agree with you I'm just about everything you said. I feel like I have a history with some people, I have sort of a bond with them and we know each other in a certain way, and dance together in a certain way and it's nice to experience that. They're not necessarily the highest level, but some are quite good too.

And I agree some studios are not well prepared for there to be an imbalance of sexes. I recently quit going to a salsa and bachata Studio because most times there were at least three men for one woman. Is not my job to solve that problem.

 

[DanceMentor]

I believe that the longer you are active in a dance scene, the fewer dancers you will dance with. There is such a curve, you start with one permanent dance partner, then you emancipate yourself. You have a permanent dance parter but already start grooming the next one. Finally you dont have a permanent dance partner and regard your town, your region, your continent, the world as your territory . Finally you return, only to dance at home with three or four dirfferent dancers at the most.

I haven't been back to my hometown in several years. But I went from a smaller City to a larger City, and I don't think I would want to go back for the dance scene.

I have to admit that while I do enjoy dancing with the same people, as you said, it is so wonderful to go to a new place with new faces and have a fresh new perspective. And a place like Los Angeles is a great place to be able to do that. You can always drive to a different section and they'll be some different people who you've never met before. Or at least I have not reached my limit yet

 

[itwillhappen]

I haven't been back to my hometown in several years. But I went from a smaller City to a larger City, and I don't think I would want to go back for the dance scene.

I'm back to my hometown yet. But if I would go back to my city of birth, one of the largest cities in Germany, then I would earlier or later meet @opendoor there.