At the end of the pandemic, maybe a new start?

[Tangogal]

I’ve seen some, not quite legal, dance events locally. They’re outdoors with neither contact tracing nor vaccine requirements. Some of the attendees are Covid deniers and/or anti-covid-vaccines. There is partner swapping, no mask wearing and no hand-washing facilities. So far, none of the participants have become infected but since I have not attended I am unsure if there were more than 5 dancers.

There are three things that prevent me going:
1. “Venue” is flattish concrete and a popular drinking spot. I have neither the shoes nor the knees for such a venue and there is no security for my belongings
2. I have a shoulder injury that prevents partner dancing
3. My parents health is still precarious such that even a “mild” infection could be serious. We are all fully vaccinated so this risk is getting less and less.

I am delighted to see there is light ahead and may go for a socially distanced watch in a week or two.

 

[itwillhappen]

I think direct invitations are not necessarily a bad thing. I don't mind when women come over and directly invite me, it happens frequently in more relaxed milongas. But I think we have to develop a culture where people feel free to say no, and there are no bad feelings on either side.

Well, I think we're more likely to be born into a culture, and how we react to rejection is particularly deeply anchored. And sometimes it's not about the individual case at all, but about the whole.

When I noticed at the last milonga that half of the participants were still concerned with their social status in the hierarchy and the other half were not expecting mirada/cabeceo ... and that I can't distinguish both ... I was not really thrilled.

Only that a nice Tanguera, whose blind date with a Tanguero for a later festival participation had not worked out, sat down at my table then saved me from the instinctive alternative "fight or flight". The task of saving her evening practically saved my evening.

 

[Tangogal]

“Would you like to dance” is clear unambiguous and traditional in most cultures with a history of partner dancing. I find it strange that so many have chosen cabeceo as their hill to die on.

 

[Rabbit]

“Would you like to dance” is clear unambiguous and traditional in most cultures with a history of partner dancing. I find it strange that so many have chosen cabeceo as their hill to die on.

I'm not hung up on the tradition, but the beauty of the thing is the dance starts from a position of mutual desire rather than one side pursuing the other.

 

[TTanguero]

I'm not hung up on the tradition, but the beauty of the thing is the dance starts from a position of mutual desire rather than one side pursuing the other.

For me, it has several benefits, and that is definitely a huge one.

There's the practical one, of being able to invite someone from a distance.

I also love the fact that mirada and cabeceo is effectively when the dance begins – that you are using a non-verbal agreement to begin a non-verbal experience between the two of you.

 

[Brummbaer]

“Would you like to dance” is clear unambiguous and traditional in most cultures with a history of partner dancing. I find it strange that so many have chosen cabeceo as their hill to die on.

Cabeceo/mirada is basically "Would you like to dance"/"Yes"|"No", however it's also about 'saving face', and the 'walk of shame' back to one's place, which had a value in the home culture. In both cases the proposer is aware of rejection/acceptance. With the verbal method, the whole group there knows.

I'll use cabeceo where it's possible, but I accept that there are circumstances (e.g. poor lighting, positioning, vision) where it doesn't work and a non-maskable interrupt is the only option. But then, 'Am I bothered if turned down?', or 'Are there some other cultural norms that I should follow?' (e.g. introduction to apparent partner). Perhaps it depends on the group culture. I'm just there for the dancing.

I don't object to being verbally invited to dance.

 

[JournalInTime]

I find it strange that so many have chosen cabeceo as their hill to die on.

Many people claim that the cabeceo equalizes "power" between leaders and followers and/or reduces or removes (risk of) embarrassment. A few of those people even believe that – but not those who want to die on that hill. Those zealots are pursuing the one-true-way-ism of "preserving the culture" and "purity" to a quixotic extent without pausing to ask whether they're defending something that makes sense in the time and place where they are.

I'm not hung up on the tradition, but the beauty of the thing is the dance starts from a position of mutual desire rather than one side pursuing the other.

We can believe that if we like, but I often doubt it. I use the cabeceo exclusively because that's how I was taught, not because I'm a true believer. And frankly, most of my tandas have been because someone was staring holes in me so obviously that averting my gaze would've made me the cad in front of everybody, every bit as much as if that person had asked me to my face. I'm not going to claim that, in the opinion of others, I've never done the same.

Personal experience is that the cabeceo mainly shifts "embarrassing verbal rejection" to "embarrassing eye contact," and "the power to accept or refuse" to "the power to win a staring contest." Perhaps It was a good idea in times and places where men and women talking to and staring random members of the opposite sex was considered crude, risqué, and "not done," but that was rooted in a view of gender that I like to believe we've left behind.

 

[JournalInTime]

There's the practical one, of being able to invite someone from a distance.

This is why I use it. Around here (before the pandemic, I mean), milongas often get so crowded that you'd spend the entire cortina and half the tanda fighting through the throng to get close enough to be heard over loud music. It's easier to shoot a glance over that distance that asks, "Meet you out there on the floor?" Of course, the environment often makes that challenging, too . . . organizers need to learn to keep the lights up.

With the verbal method, the whole group there knows.

With the gaze, too. There are cabeceo-watchers in every crowd who fill their little black books with notes about who turned their gaze away from whom. I've heard them gossip. Over the distance of a large, crowded room, an averted gaze is more obvious than a rejected verbal invitation that occurred close enough that nobody could hear it over music or see it through a throng of dancers.

Maybe things are different at milongas with very few couples and guests who are mostly seated. Around here, though, most milongas have a wall of standing people packed so tightly around the pista that two people talking would be invisible behind them, and music so loud that their words would be inaudible . . . but if a big, long stare across the room is able to reach a distant potential partner despite all that, then dozens of others will witness what happens.

I don't object to being verbally invited to dance.

I use the cabeceo exclusively to invite. But honestly, most of the followers who take the initiative to invite me don't gaze my way – they walk up and ask. The local matriarch of our community (an older Argentine woman) doesn't ask; she tells: "We are dancing this milonga." None of it bothers me.

 

[Rabbit]

And frankly, most of my tandas have been because someone was staring holes in me so obviously that averting my gaze would've made me the cad in front of everybody, every bit as much as if that person had asked me to my face.

Well the staredown "cabeceo" is a bit silly, might as well just walk over and invite directly.

 

[itwillhappen]

“Would you like to dance” is clear unambiguous and traditional in most cultures with a history of partner dancing. I find it strange that so many have chosen cabeceo as their hill to die on.

In my opinion, women might want to feel the unambiguous intention, but if they tend to reject, they try to avoid already the unambiguous question as much as possible ... in the extreme, when the wrong one approaches, they disappear under the table or flee to the restroom. And then the answers are most times not an unambigous "No, thank you!". Since a clear take down after a clear question among strangers in tango is a fairly permanent thing - a repetition could possibly be seen as sexual harassment - I don't find that strange at all.

Maybe it is helpful to have a look at this case:
At most festivals, one or the other tanguera asks me for my accompaniment, we dance the first tandas and then she expects me to move away - but still keep an eye on her situation. So I keep an eye on her during the cortinas, during the miradas, if possible - just because we are a team. And if that works with enough other potential dance partners, then we are a big team.

If the cabeceo does not work, however, advancing over the open space isn't a real problem either, tango is just a game and I can play it well, additionally the partner in the background has the effect of a bulletproof jacket. But the game gets tougher, where I usually looked relaxed from at least 5m away, I now go forward into her safety zone below 2m. Anything goes, but in case of doubt it is no longer the ideal prerequisite for relaxed dancing.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

“Would you like to dance” is clear unambiguous and traditional in most cultures with a history of partner dancing. I find it strange that so many have chosen cabeceo as their hill to die on.

The reasons for its efficacy and utility have been discussed many times.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

Well the staredown "cabeceo" is a bit silly, might as well just walk over and invite directly.

That's not exactly a mirada and can be kind of annoying, if not creepy.

 

[itwillhappen]

I'm quite confident that dancing in general and tango in particular will be well received after the pandemic. I just don't believe that social behaviors that are perceived to be in need of improvement will actually improve. The pandemic is "just" a crisis, I think shortly after it is overcome, only previous existing behavior will be intensified. Especially after many have excluded themselves from dancing or got being excluded.

One year later, one lockdown later, I unfortunately have to say that I'm not so confident anymore. I think now the wash out, the survival of the fittest, begins. I myself don't go to tango that broadly anymore, am not so curious about new popped up milongas, but look selectively for the organizers and events that suit my interests. My sentiment is different, more "soon it will be summer holidays and then it will be autumn soon and then we will see". That's not good for the business of tango organizers.

 

[Cabbit]

It might be just this bubble im dancing in, but to me it seems that tango in general is back to normal. I attended a very normal festival this weekend, and my fb is full of friends traveling and posting pictures from events. If people are worried about something, it is not the pandemic but inflation.

 

[Brummbaer]

A mix of reticence and economics.

After it became clear there were no further lockdowns, nor free testing, nor media reports (unless you search), nor even an obligation to be protective, then people started appearing. Mainly solos. Some months ago we were at a milonga in a remote(ish) rural location; the doors were kept open despite some follower's complaints. An elderly follower said: It's all over now. We can get back to normal. I avoided future tandas. We were elsewhere in Europe a few weeks later wearing masks for travelling and in indoor locations like supermarkets. Indeed, elderly compatriots found they could actually breathe and survive wearing a mask when it was mandatory for all and they could be fined.

In classes some couples are still reticent about changing partners. A couple at a milonga told us they now only dance with each other.

New milongas and classes have appeared (see elsewhere: Argentinian visitors). These have taken people from regular classes; so much that these regular classes will most likely close. The Argentinians will go home; maybe to be replaced, maybe not. There isn't a sufficiently large pool of dancers to support this in the area, and unfortunately little work on promoting AT to build that pool. It's suburbia; not city living.

Prices for classes and milongas have risen, so it's about choosing what money to spend where. Elsewhere in some metropolitan areas I see more milongas, practilongas, classes, etc being promoted - at increased prices and frequency, and with some attempts to tie people in to courses.

I'd agree that inflation is likely to be the biggest concern for now.