fascination
Site Moderator
love it....and respect most the people who do this....AzureDreamer said:
being you
- Thread starter jenn
- Start date
Twilight_Elena
Well-Known Member
AzureDreamer said:
Painfully true.
But on original post... what kind of question is this? I really don't get it.
T_E
Peaches
Well-Known Member
Do I love being me…
Like T_E, I don’t think I really get this question. Does it mean am I happy with who I am? Does it mean I am happy with my life the way it is?
Happy or not, “loving” being me or not, I choose not to think about that and focus instead of accepting. Accepting who I am, accepting how I can or cannot change, accepting where I am in life, accepting what I can and can’t do about it.
Are there things about my personality I don’t like—sure. But I make a decision about how to deal with it—accept it and control it, or try to change it. Are there times when I look at other people and wonder why I don’t have things handed to me on a silver platter (jealousy is one of those personality traits I’m trying to change and control)—sure. But it doesn’t get me anywhere.
But evaluating if I like being myself is, IMHO, a pointless exercise. I AM ME, and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I might as well get to dealing with it. And the only ways I can deal with ANYTHING in life is to effect change within myself (and my actions, possibly), or to accept.
I just try to live my life with respect and sincere effort towards understanding others, and to life in such a way that I have no regrets. Besides, regret is a wasteful emotion, IMHO—much better to accept mistakes and learn from them.
Like T_E, I don’t think I really get this question. Does it mean am I happy with who I am? Does it mean I am happy with my life the way it is?
Happy or not, “loving” being me or not, I choose not to think about that and focus instead of accepting. Accepting who I am, accepting how I can or cannot change, accepting where I am in life, accepting what I can and can’t do about it.
Are there things about my personality I don’t like—sure. But I make a decision about how to deal with it—accept it and control it, or try to change it. Are there times when I look at other people and wonder why I don’t have things handed to me on a silver platter (jealousy is one of those personality traits I’m trying to change and control)—sure. But it doesn’t get me anywhere.
But evaluating if I like being myself is, IMHO, a pointless exercise. I AM ME, and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I might as well get to dealing with it. And the only ways I can deal with ANYTHING in life is to effect change within myself (and my actions, possibly), or to accept.
I just try to live my life with respect and sincere effort towards understanding others, and to life in such a way that I have no regrets. Besides, regret is a wasteful emotion, IMHO—much better to accept mistakes and learn from them.
Laura
Well-Known Member
In general, when my brain is functioning normally, I'm quite happy with being me. Sure, I've got a lot of weight to lose, and sure, I'm a crappy ice skater, but what's life without challenges and things to work on?
When I'm not functioning normally, I totally hate myself to the point where I sound like I'm in utter despair. I'll say things like I'm tired of being me, or I'll harbor secret ideas about wishing my car would wreck. I'll become unable to get off the sofa, let alone leave the house. I'll cry constantly, throwing myself on the bed and sobbing until one of my cats comes and licks my face. This is not normal, but I've gotten help, and so long as I pay attention to the warning signs that I'm not feeling so great, I can manage my situation.
There have been times when I've been supremely happy with myself. I remember for a while in the early 90's that I thought of myself as being one of the people who I used to envy! It was a nice time in my life -- and also when I met my fabulous but non-dancing hubby.
I went through a black period last winter -- it was a combination of a lot of disappointment over my last dance partner's serious injuries (ripped a calf muscle dancing quickstep six months ago, still isn't dancing again, I'm starting to wonder if he will ever come back), seasonal darkness, stress and frustration, poor dietary and exercise habits, loneliness issues related to my husband's intense business travel schedule -- but now I'm doing much better.
You can like yourself, you can feel good on an average day, great on a great day, and bad on a bad day. That's life. But if you never like yourself, or actively hate yourself, and the bad days string together without end...then that's something to seek help with. See the other thread about depression for information on that.
SPratt74, if you want to PM me about the agoraphobia and other issues, please feel free. I've been through the "cannot bring myself to leave the house" thing several times in my life. And it wasn't the television's fault.
When I'm not functioning normally, I totally hate myself to the point where I sound like I'm in utter despair. I'll say things like I'm tired of being me, or I'll harbor secret ideas about wishing my car would wreck. I'll become unable to get off the sofa, let alone leave the house. I'll cry constantly, throwing myself on the bed and sobbing until one of my cats comes and licks my face. This is not normal, but I've gotten help, and so long as I pay attention to the warning signs that I'm not feeling so great, I can manage my situation.
There have been times when I've been supremely happy with myself. I remember for a while in the early 90's that I thought of myself as being one of the people who I used to envy! It was a nice time in my life -- and also when I met my fabulous but non-dancing hubby.
I went through a black period last winter -- it was a combination of a lot of disappointment over my last dance partner's serious injuries (ripped a calf muscle dancing quickstep six months ago, still isn't dancing again, I'm starting to wonder if he will ever come back), seasonal darkness, stress and frustration, poor dietary and exercise habits, loneliness issues related to my husband's intense business travel schedule -- but now I'm doing much better.
You can like yourself, you can feel good on an average day, great on a great day, and bad on a bad day. That's life. But if you never like yourself, or actively hate yourself, and the bad days string together without end...then that's something to seek help with. See the other thread about depression for information on that.
SPratt74, if you want to PM me about the agoraphobia and other issues, please feel free. I've been through the "cannot bring myself to leave the house" thing several times in my life. And it wasn't the television's fault.
DrDoug
Well-Known Member
No, I wouldn't say that I love being me. There are things I like about myself
and things I'd rather change, but I'm not sure I can change all of the latter.
For one thing, I've been told that I have a personality disorder, and according
to various sources I've seen, you can change thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
with varying degrees of effort, but changing your personality is darn near
impossible.
On the other hand, everyone has problems, and many people have much more
severe problems than I do, so I can't imagine anyone I'd rather be. (How's that
for an affirmation?)
and things I'd rather change, but I'm not sure I can change all of the latter.
For one thing, I've been told that I have a personality disorder, and according
to various sources I've seen, you can change thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
with varying degrees of effort, but changing your personality is darn near
impossible.
On the other hand, everyone has problems, and many people have much more
severe problems than I do, so I can't imagine anyone I'd rather be. (How's that
for an affirmation?)
PasoDancer
New Member
No offense, Shoo, but I didn't post it for the sake of having my own problems fixed- it was just a vapid observation, that's all.
I have to learn which threads to read, still. Geez, you'd think this'd get easier.
PasoDancer
New Member
My agoraphobia issues stemmed from precisely the (unintentional, I realize) "argumentive" nature of things people like Shoo have said. If I had an answer, I wouldn't have been in that shape, Pfizer would be selling dog and horse wormer instead of human pharmaceuticals still, and most doctors would be out of jobs. It seems accusatory, confrontational, and makes my own personal nature on the defense.
And there's no need to be. There's no reason for me to feel inclined to "rise" to it. That in it's own small right is personal progress on my part- It doesn't bother me nearly so bad to dismiss it and go on, and not let it dampen a pretty good day, so far.
And there's no need to be. There's no reason for me to feel inclined to "rise" to it. That in it's own small right is personal progress on my part- It doesn't bother me nearly so bad to dismiss it and go on, and not let it dampen a pretty good day, so far.
In answer to the original post, more and more every day. Or, let's say, I'm trending positive. There will always be up days and down days. But overall, my days tend to be net positive compared to, say, a year ago. And net astronomical compared to when I was young and lacking confidence.
I've gotta say that, overall, I like myself. There are some fairly major things I'd change in my life, if I could. But I still like me. (I see me, the person, as of intrinsic value, regardless of my circumstances.) I'm in a good place, when it comes to self-esteem. It's hard-earned self-esteem, btw. . :wink: :lol:
I've gotta say that, overall, I like myself. There are some fairly major things I'd change in my life, if I could. But I still like me. (I see me, the person, as of intrinsic value, regardless of my circumstances.) I'm in a good place, when it comes to self-esteem. It's hard-earned self-esteem, btw. . :wink: :lol:
PasoDancer
New Member
PS (teach me to read the second, then the first, then the third pages, instead of in consecution- is that the right word? In order- there):
Thanks Fascination et al. You're right. There's a lot more. But I've finally gotten to the point where I can wad it all up, tie it up, swallow it, and keep it in there until it erodes, and look at some of these people who are so quick to say "It's easy- why don't you just do this", think "screw you and your empty closet", and go on about business. They don't know, they shouldn't have to know, and they shouldn't make it their business to know unless they have the cure. Usually, they don't. They just like to make people feel worse so that they can feel better by reminding themselves through pointing out the faults of others that they feel they don't have. Whether or not they do is often irrelevant to them.
SPratt's going down the same road I and many others have. I don't think it's in her nature to become as acerbic and destructive as I did (still might be- I don't know... layer upon layer of headwreck makes me often question everything numerous times. A great example is "Am I crazy?" If I choose no, then how do I know whether or not I really am? Wouldn't a crazy person NOT know? But they say a crazy person wouldn't know TO question it. You can start arguents in your own head about things like this- and this is the longest parenthetical notation ever, I think.).
In the end, one usually learns to say "screw it" and just live one way or another, dealing with whatever crops up. I became dull to it for awhile, and I had no conviction on it.
It's best to do that, because if you go around asking people for help, or "airing your laundry", you eventually get people who are tired of it and start to say quite hurtful things to you, causing you to just bite it back, internalize it, and then the sharp edges that stab you from inside just eventually dull down and wear off so that it's still heavy to carry, but it doesn't stab you at every turn. You can get around the floor in the shoes safely, even if you can still feel the blister under the callus.
We all but have to form a "secret society of self-pitying (quick, stop the alliteration! losers"- the normals don't want to have to hear about our problems, but we have to put them out somewhere when we have an over-flow. So, just know that yes, there are some shady, dark, nasty people right on this very board who have been down your path AND farther... "If they knew me at all, one by one, the Angels would fall" kind of thing. Sometimes just knowing's enough. It is for the Rest of "them", anyway. If you wish to integrate, you have to desensitize yourself and assimilate. You can always take off the mask and gasp for air later. I mean- this stuff isn't for "regular places"... it's like talking about hemorrhoids over lunch. We shouldn't open up and discuss this around people who don't have these problems... they'd think we were all completely insane, and move us to a colony at the edge of town. (Oh, but that doesn't happen- it isn't 1706, it's 2006... right?) What it boils down to is not to be YOURSELF, but a watered-down, impersonal, "just like everyone else" version. You can look and sound different, but the rest better not be befouled by in- no, I'm not saying it... eek, WHY WHY WHY did I click on this... ARGH...
... and now, as I've, as usual, Opined too much on this particular topic. I am shutting up now, while it's too late. Geez, I didn't mean to get on a tear... there's always ONE thing that makes that wagon run right over me...
Thanks Fascination et al. You're right. There's a lot more. But I've finally gotten to the point where I can wad it all up, tie it up, swallow it, and keep it in there until it erodes, and look at some of these people who are so quick to say "It's easy- why don't you just do this", think "screw you and your empty closet", and go on about business. They don't know, they shouldn't have to know, and they shouldn't make it their business to know unless they have the cure. Usually, they don't. They just like to make people feel worse so that they can feel better by reminding themselves through pointing out the faults of others that they feel they don't have. Whether or not they do is often irrelevant to them.
SPratt's going down the same road I and many others have. I don't think it's in her nature to become as acerbic and destructive as I did (still might be- I don't know... layer upon layer of headwreck makes me often question everything numerous times. A great example is "Am I crazy?" If I choose no, then how do I know whether or not I really am? Wouldn't a crazy person NOT know? But they say a crazy person wouldn't know TO question it. You can start arguents in your own head about things like this- and this is the longest parenthetical notation ever, I think.).
In the end, one usually learns to say "screw it" and just live one way or another, dealing with whatever crops up. I became dull to it for awhile, and I had no conviction on it.
It's best to do that, because if you go around asking people for help, or "airing your laundry", you eventually get people who are tired of it and start to say quite hurtful things to you, causing you to just bite it back, internalize it, and then the sharp edges that stab you from inside just eventually dull down and wear off so that it's still heavy to carry, but it doesn't stab you at every turn. You can get around the floor in the shoes safely, even if you can still feel the blister under the callus.
We all but have to form a "secret society of self-pitying (quick, stop the alliteration! losers"- the normals don't want to have to hear about our problems, but we have to put them out somewhere when we have an over-flow. So, just know that yes, there are some shady, dark, nasty people right on this very board who have been down your path AND farther... "If they knew me at all, one by one, the Angels would fall" kind of thing. Sometimes just knowing's enough. It is for the Rest of "them", anyway. If you wish to integrate, you have to desensitize yourself and assimilate. You can always take off the mask and gasp for air later. I mean- this stuff isn't for "regular places"... it's like talking about hemorrhoids over lunch. We shouldn't open up and discuss this around people who don't have these problems... they'd think we were all completely insane, and move us to a colony at the edge of town. (Oh, but that doesn't happen- it isn't 1706, it's 2006... right?) What it boils down to is not to be YOURSELF, but a watered-down, impersonal, "just like everyone else" version. You can look and sound different, but the rest better not be befouled by in- no, I'm not saying it... eek, WHY WHY WHY did I click on this... ARGH...
... and now, as I've, as usual, Opined too much on this particular topic. I am shutting up now, while it's too late. Geez, I didn't mean to get on a tear... there's always ONE thing that makes that wagon run right over me...
PasoDancer- I totally understand what you are saying. To me it's like there are some people that don't want to deal with you and say why don't you just do this when it's so much easier said than done. They don't understand me as to which I don't understand them. I think that they think they are being helpful when in reality it does hurt when you read such things. It's also these people that say that they are happy a 100% of the time that won't admit to ever feeling down as to which that's not healthy either, because no one is 100% happy all of the time.
I think for me right now maybe I'm going through a mid life crisis or something. I am starting to wonder why I have done things in the past and why I haven't done things in the past to where what is all of this going to do for me in the future.
For example, I have a friend that has done things that I only wished I could do. Right now she's going to be in a movie with Matthew McConaughey, and I was invited to be in it too (mainly because she's always nice and invites me to join her when she does these things). The thing is though is that she has invited me to do all of these things with her, but I had always said no. Why? I think it's because I'm the responsible one. I'm the parent (well, not a real parent, but one that acts like a parent). So, I've never been able to really enjoy my life, because I've been afraid to enjoy it and to take risks.
But this is also what gets me down though, because I wonder why I can't be more like her or the next person that just goes out and does what they want to do. I mean that's why I went into computers. I knew it was a safe field, and that there would always be jobs. Well, that might be true, but now that I'm so burnt out with computers, what else can I do? How can I go about getting to that next step? I don't know the answer to that. But yet you have people saying things like why don't you do something about it that type of thing? It's not that easy. I wish it were, but it's not. And I think that this is where my depression is coming in, because I mean I'm 32 years old. I should have the answers to these questions by now, you know?
I think for me right now maybe I'm going through a mid life crisis or something. I am starting to wonder why I have done things in the past and why I haven't done things in the past to where what is all of this going to do for me in the future.
For example, I have a friend that has done things that I only wished I could do. Right now she's going to be in a movie with Matthew McConaughey, and I was invited to be in it too (mainly because she's always nice and invites me to join her when she does these things). The thing is though is that she has invited me to do all of these things with her, but I had always said no. Why? I think it's because I'm the responsible one. I'm the parent (well, not a real parent, but one that acts like a parent). So, I've never been able to really enjoy my life, because I've been afraid to enjoy it and to take risks.
But this is also what gets me down though, because I wonder why I can't be more like her or the next person that just goes out and does what they want to do. I mean that's why I went into computers. I knew it was a safe field, and that there would always be jobs. Well, that might be true, but now that I'm so burnt out with computers, what else can I do? How can I go about getting to that next step? I don't know the answer to that. But yet you have people saying things like why don't you do something about it that type of thing? It's not that easy. I wish it were, but it's not. And I think that this is where my depression is coming in, because I mean I'm 32 years old. I should have the answers to these questions by now, you know?
fascination
Site Moderator
the only thing I see you needing to work on Spratt, is fair expectations of yourself....a healthy version of you...we all have limitations and arent called to be like someone else....cut yourself a break and don't don't push the river....you're fine....its a time of uncertainty ...that doesnt mean there's something to do about it...there might be and there might not be....just take your time and spend some time lovingly reflecting
SPratt74 said:
Amen to that. I think that people who say they're 100% happy all the time ... are probably so miserable that they're in denial. :lol:
Edit: I don't have a lot of time to read through your whole posts, Spratt or PD. I'll reply later, though, after I've had a chance to read through in more detail.
Laura
Well-Known Member
Okay, I'm going to say one thing that's kind of advice-y: if someone gives you a chance to meet Matthew McConaughey, don't say no! Sure, it's probably silly and frivolous compared to your usual responsible schedule, but in the words of Ferris Bueller "sometimes you've just to to say what the heck."
I nearly passed on one of the most amazing experiences in my life, attending the World Economic Forum with my husband, because I was feeling all responsible about some other committment I had. But a few people told me I was nuts, so I packed up and ran off to Switzerland.
So anyway, please don't take this as me trying to tell you what to do...rather, I meant it in an ecouraging way, related to you not being so hard on yourself. To me, staying home and being responsible when you could be in a movie is one form of being hard on yourself.
I nearly passed on one of the most amazing experiences in my life, attending the World Economic Forum with my husband, because I was feeling all responsible about some other committment I had. But a few people told me I was nuts, so I packed up and ran off to Switzerland.
So anyway, please don't take this as me trying to tell you what to do...rather, I meant it in an ecouraging way, related to you not being so hard on yourself. To me, staying home and being responsible when you could be in a movie is one form of being hard on yourself.