being you

[AzureDreamer]

It's also these people that say that they are happy a 100% of the time that won't admit to ever feeling down as to which that's not healthy either, because no one is 100% happy all of the time.

I come pretty close. Maybe not ecstatically happy, but content happy. I do have occasional periods of where I am particularily upset about something specific... not a generalized unhappiness. (That's not to say there are things I wouldn't change... who wouldn't want a personal yacht, sculpted abs, and a different butt?)

but for that matter... I think denial is a very healthy thing. A scar is never going to heal if you keep picking at it... sometimes you just have to put things behind you, move forward with your life. I think people who are happy are mostly better able to put things behind them than others.

(I've always had a theory that since guys tend to be able to concentrate on less things at a single time, they tend to a happier bunch. They can't obsess forever about things... they aren't going to stay "happy happy" for long, but neither can most of them manage "manic depressive" forever.)

 

[SPratt74]

Okay, I'm going to say one thing that's kind of advice-y: if someone gives you a chance to meet Matthew McConaughey, don't say no! Sure, it's probably silly and frivolous compared to your usual responsible schedule, but in the words of Ferris Bueller "sometimes you've just to to say what the heck."

I nearly passed on one of the most amazing experiences in my life, attending the World Economic Forum with my husband, because I was feeling all responsible about some other committment I had. But a few people told me I was nuts, so I packed up and ran off to Switzerland.

So anyway, please don't take this as me trying to tell you what to do...rather, I meant it in an ecouraging way, related to you not being so hard on yourself. To me, staying home and being responsible when you could be in a movie is one form of being hard on yourself.

No that's good advice, and advice I should take. I just talked to her today, and she said that some of the people on the set were really mean lol. So, I guess I didn't miss out on too much. But yeah it's like I feel as though I miss out on my commitments if I were to pack up and meet Matthew or something like that lol. To me that's hard though, because again it's like I'm being selfish for thinking about me and not those around me.

 

[Laura]

I find your concern about being selfish to be very interesting. To me, life can't always be about duty and serving others. I've noticed that if I don't do things for me, then I end up drained and burnt out and bitter and exhausted.

 

[Peaches]

I've noticed that if I don't do things for me, then I end up drained and burnt out and bitter and exhausted.

Bingo! It's taken me a while to figure this out, and I wish I had sooner.

Not so much in the context of being responsible to others, although now and again that monster rears its head. But what I discovered when I started dancing is that it made me very happy, and as a result I could be genuinely happier for/with other people.

Sure, I was happy when my husband was, but after a while of not having anything FOR ME, I was just so bitter about his (or anyone else's) happiness. Now I know that taking time to make myself happy makes me a better person for everyone around me, starting with my husband.

And, it spills into my relationships with other friends, and stuff at work, because I've become more energetic, and my mood has been on much more of an "even keel." Now when I have a really bad week, instead of obsessing about it I just go dancing, and at the end of the night my mood is restored and I can face the problems with a much better attitude.

 

[GalacticDancer44M]

I'm happy being me. Sure I wished I could dance better, was smarter and better looking, but overall I'm at peace with myself. I can respect other peoples looks, talents.... but, I don't want to be them. Maybe like them.

 

[pygmalion]

I'm happy being me. Sure I wished I could dance better, was smarter and better looking, but overall I'm at peace with myself. I can respect other peoples looks, talents.... but, I don't want to be them. Maybe like them.

Yeah. That pretty much says it for me too. Even when I'm going through challenging times, as I have over the past several months, I still like being me.

It was a long time coming, but somehow, I've come into my own. Hmm. I'm not sure how it happened. I remember setting a goal to start liking myself. That was uhh ... seventeen or eighteen years ago, I think. I started doing a bunch of stuff differently, but I'm not sure exactly what made the difference, for me. Hmm. I have to think about that.

 

[GalacticDancer44M]

Yeah. That pretty much says it for me too. Even when I'm going through challenging times, as I have over the past several months, I still like being me.

It was a long time coming, but somehow, I've come into my own. Hmm. I'm not sure how it happened. I remember setting a goal to start liking myself. That was uhh ... seventeen or eighteen years ago, I think. I started doing a bunch of stuff differently, but I'm not sure exactly what made the differemce, for me. Hmm. I have to think about that.

We love you just the way you are!

 

[pygmalion]

:kissme:

You know what's funny? People loved me even more, back in the day when I hated myself. Of course they did. I was a pushover people-pleaser.

I think Laura's got a good point. There is definitely room for selfishness. I just prefer to call it self-nurturance. :lol:

 

[GalacticDancer44M]

:
I think Laura's got a good point. There is definitely room for selfishness. I just prefer to call it self-nurturance. :lol:

Yes, sometimes you have to nurture yourself. I've learned that you can't always make other people happy, so why not make yourself happy? Ideally, you find somebody where you can keep each other happy.

 

[Shooshoo]

In general, when my brain is functioning normally, I'm quite happy with being me.

You're funny Laura .
And that photo of yours makes me smile when I read your posts.

 

[Shooshoo]

My agoraphobia issues stemmed from precisely the (unintentional, I realize) "argumentive" nature of things people like Shoo have said. If I had an answer, I wouldn't have been in that shape, Pfizer would be selling dog and horse wormer instead of human pharmaceuticals still, and most doctors would be out of jobs. It seems accusatory, confrontational, and makes my own personal nature on the defense.

And there's no need to be. There's no reason for me to feel inclined to "rise" to it. That in it's own small right is personal progress on my part- It doesn't bother me nearly so bad to dismiss it and go on, and not let it dampen a pretty good day, so far.

My apologies if I offended you. I had no bad intentions and I must admit I'm not in your shoes, so I can't understand.

 

[Sabor]

technically... no .. i dont love 'myself' in and of itself.. cause i dont think i or anyone can.. unless they're mentally sick lol

i see it more like the love u give to other things other than yourself (be it animate or inanimate) that reflects back on u and so on back and forth spiraling up or down depending.. making u feel u love u but its not really that way...

so, in summary, u love more outside of u and it appears to be loving whats inside of u.. make sense?

example:
i luv me when i dance..
when i'm enjoying a great book
when in great company
when in a beautiful place
when i see my mirror image .. hahaha J/K

its circumstantial .. not a given.. it has to be generated through effort

 

[SPratt74]

My apologies if I offended you. I had no bad intentions and I must admit I'm not in your shoes, so I can't understand.

Well, maybe I should ask you this. What makes you happy? Why don't things get to you? I personally can say that I don't let things get to me like they did when I was a kid, but that's all part of growing up. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to hit rock bottom, because a majority of people do in their lifetime whether it be at 12 or 32 or at 72. I think eventually we all get this way whether we want to or not sooner or later. Because I've seen it happen to my family and friends that are older than me to where I'm like, but weren't you Mr. or Mrs. Happy? Then they seem to tell me the truth only afterwards about how they have been miserable.

 

[pygmalion]

Well, maybe I should ask you this. What makes you happy? Why don't things get to you? I personally can say that I don't let things get to me like they did when I was a kid, but that's all part of growing up.

I think that part of it is experience. You learn that you'll survive whatever happens. Kinda like broken hearts. The first time your heart gets broken, you think you'll die. But you don't. So, the second time your heart gets broken, you don't stress out quite so much. lol. What was that song? First cut is the deepest? Something like that. Same deal with low lows (barring those that are chemically-based.) Over time, you kind of rebound, IMO.

 

[SPratt74]

I think that part of it is experience. You learn that you'll survive whatever happens. Kinda like broken hearts. The first time your heart gets broken, you think you'll die. But you don't. So, the second time your heart gets broken, you don't stress out quite so much. lol. What was that song? First cut is the deepest? Something like that. Same deal with low lows (barring those that are chemically-based.) Over time, you kind of rebound, IMO.

That is very true. I guess to me to have people say that they are happy people isn't exactly true, because I'm sure that they've had their heart broken a couple times or two, and have not had things work out as much. So, to me it's like, I think everyone at one point or another has not been happy with their lives even if they aren't willing to admit it. But it's like what Oprah said today lol, who wants to talk about what happens behind closed doors?