Dance Instructor Dating a Student

[Hedwaite]

Tl;dr

1. This is a cliche. Your situation is not special or different. Ask J-Lo, Johnny Castle, Paul Mercurio's character, and the protagonists of some very, very bad often interactive fanfiction that borders porn in an obscure and dark corner of the internet.

2. Pick one or the other, job or dude. No, you don't have to keep us updated.

3. No-frat policies are generally put into place because of people like you and situations like these.

 

[Joe]

It's always the exception, not the rule. Think about it: why would the odds that the person you date becomes your spouse be better or worse for a dance teacher (or student) than anyone else you might date?

 

[Rhythmdancer]

Yep, and in the case I know, he owned the studio.

I know of two cases in which they were both studio owners and the fallout was disasterous. Only one of them is still with the student.

 

[Purr]

Almost every story I've ever heard of instructors dating students has never really gone well.

I knew of one I thought would make it, but in the end it unraveled.

Regarding the original post, I can't see any scenario where this would turn out well.

 

[Dr Dance]

There has been one beautiful romance at "my" studio where a male instructor ended my marrying his prize pupil. They are both gentle and caring people. And yes, this WAS the exception.

There have been at least three other attempts at this studio of similar nature. They ALL went down in flames.

 

[anntennis]

Well, if he is a license physician, he might have great working career ahead, and he is only 28. As I can read from all the excitement from your post, you are very young, must be in your early 20’s.


Let’s look at the situation from the different view. It is not that easy to meet a great guy who might become your significant other, especially a doctor, a lawyer, a banker…Young and hundsome, only 28



You just met a handsome young doctor who is interested in you. But I would not meet at the picnic area for a few kisses and hugs (and count them. LOL). Let him takes you out to a nice restaurant, show, art exhibition, concert, get to know each other on many levels, etc...

Otherwise it is a little bit like making out at the back seat of the car...How serious is he?

If his feelings are strong to develop a love relationship, it might worth it this job, if young gorgeous doctor with a great career might become your husband.

If it is just for a few hugs, kisses and some more, it might pass fast, and then it will be no job and no guy either.

I know one woman instructor who was in her late 30’s at the time (she was Blackpool finalist at one point) who successfully married her student, and was laughing that he did not have any talent for dancing, but is a great husband and father to their child. So it could work sometimes.

 

[Bailamosdance]

Or, YOU take him.out and spend. Money on him. It is, after all 2015...!

 

[Rhythmdancer]

I know one woman instructor who was in her late 30’s at the time (she was Blackpool finalist at one point) who successfully married her student, and was laughing that he did not have any talent for dancing, but is a great husband and father to their child. So it could work sometimes.

Chances are that she doesn't have a non-fraternization policy shes working with. Also she sounds established enough that she can work anywhere in the world she wants to because people will want to take lessons from a blackpool finalist. If you're working at a studio and aren't that good, you most likely sign non-competes which prohibit you from teaching within a radius of the studio for anywhere from a year to two years.

Part of the reason why a lot of teacher student relationships don't work as well as people expect them to is because some students don't realize what they like: I really like dancing, I really like dancing with you, and I really like you. A lot of people get these mixed up. Because of the student teacher relationship, a lot of people don't realize how much power teachers really have over their students. That's part of the reason why these relationships typically don't workout.

 

[IndyLady]

Part of the reason why a lot of teacher student relationships don't work as well as people expect them to is because some students don't realize what they like: I really like dancing, I really like dancing with you, and I really like you. A lot of people get these mixed up.

I know a couple people like this. Always gushing about dance and how amazing it is, but in reality I think it is dancing with their particular instructor that they enjoy. I.e., if that instructor suddenly left or became unavailable, I'm not sure how much they would continue to love dance with the next-in-line instructor.

 

[anntennis]

I really like dancing, I really like dancing with you, and I really like you. .

So True! Love this!!!

 

[FoxTrotExtrovert]

Do NOT LIE. People will find out.
Do NOT teach him outside of the studio... as I am sure it is in your contract that you cannot do that.
Do NOT make it worse.

You are not coming across as very mature or professional. Don't even for one minute come on here and expect us to take you serious as a Professional in this business as you tell us how you are going to lie to your boss and sneak around with a student. This is the crap that gives Pros the name of gigilos and call girls, which we worked very hard for the past 25 years to overcome. Don't undo all of our hard work.

Come clean and take your lumps like a professional and an adult.

A few months ago my regular teacher came down with the flu and I ended up taking a bunch of lessons with a sub. Yeah, he was cute, great personality and we clicked. Really clicked. Really really clicked.

No I did not ask him out. (I've been on this board long enough to know better than to do that!) He did not ask me out.

No, he asked me to meet with his manager while he explained WHY (the real reason why) it would be best if he was not asked to ever fill in as a sub teacher again with me. That is what a professional looks like.

I don't know how your student feels, but I know I sure as heck don't want to be the person responsible for putting this teacher on the unemployment line.

 

[dbk]

I always tell students -- if you're actually, honestly, life-changingly interested in this person, take dance out of the equation. Switch to a different instructor, or better yet, a different studio. Yeah, it's great to dance with your SO, but if you think this is going to be a long-term relationship, you'll have time for that later.

If you can't or won't do that, 1) a lot of your interest is just the romance of dancing, 2) the relationship will have an unhealthy mix of teacher/student, employer/employee, coworker, etc. power differentials, and/or 3) it's just a hookup... not that there's anything wrong with hookups in general, but it's a bad idea in a studio environment.

 

[middy]

Side question - for non-frat policies, does that mean all teachers and students affiliated with a particular studio cannot date/have personal relationships outside the studio? Or is it specific to this student and his or her teacher? Say, a pro-am partnership cannot date, but a teacher could date another pro's student?

 

[twnkltoz]

You're young. There will be other boys you will feel this way about.

 

[Dr Dance]

Because it is based in a fantasy world...? But I guess you are right, how is the Ballroom any more unreal than a bar?

Well... there's generally less liquor at a ballroom than at a bar.