Dance Instructor Dating a Student
- Thread starter LatinaLover
- Start date
- Status
Partner Dancer
Well-Known Member
Greed and personal gain always rear their ugly face. Hey it's just business...
Partner Dancer
Well-Known Member
Oftentimes the forbidden fruit is far more exciting/interesting than the actual fruit. This stuff goes on much more often than people realize or are willing to admit. They have very stringent rules in the military on fraternization but we all see that rules are made to be broken, and the top brass are often the most "guilty."
Is there a DF thread on these things, with some salacious details? Could start a new one called "Studio Confessions" or "Penthouse Dance Forum."
It's really nobody's business except for the people involved, as long as they don't flaunt bad behavior (which is often the allure). But then, there're always bystanders who may feel the need to meddle or who get jealous. And of course, as pointed out, if the studio finances are not adversely affected.
Have seen all kinds of relationships flourish at dance studios (between pros, pro-am, am-am), so blanket belief that it's not worth it may be premature.
fascination
Site Moderator
uh....we won't be starting that thread
Partner Dancer
Well-Known Member
Oh boy...DFers don't play...
Unfortunately, I would argue that this has already moved past the crush stage (I think of a crush as something where 99.9% of the action takes place inside someone's imagination). They have already met outside the studio and had physical contact of a romantic nature.... this is a sticky situation.
Also possible that the responses here fall in the category of "things I don't want to hear", although there has been more hope expressed than I would have been expecting for this to somehow all work out in the end, given that there is a no-frat policy.
CaliChris10
Active Member
I am kinda surprised by some of the advice here...attraction is how love starts..sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Maybe they will get married and live happily ever after. Or maybe they will have a hot love affair for a year, or maybe it will be nothing...you never know, but it is awful to have regrets in life. Haven't any of you ever been hot for someone??? Don't you know what it feels like? Sometimes it cannot be ignored and nor should it! This situation doesn't sound like a quickie hook up, it sounds like they really like each other. Of course a career is important but is it worth sacrificing love? Men can have it all why can't a woman?
snapdancer
Forum Master
So you seem to be saying that a male instructor wouldn't be subject to discipline under a no-fraternization policy if he pursued a relationship with a female student. Why do you believe that?
I believe that if a similar thread were started by a male instructor, he would get the same reaction. Probably stronger: he would be called a domineering pig or something like that.
kckc
Well-Known Member
This has nothing to do with interfering with their "love for the ages". She has a no-fraternization clause in her employment. Period. WHEN (not if) her employer finds out, things will probably not go well for her (especially if she doesn't go to them first). Sorry, but in the real world, you do what your employers say and don't potentially interfere with THEIR livelihood by going behind their back. If she somehow comes out of this with her career intact, she can either open her own studio and swing from the chandeliers if that is what she wants, or find an employer who doesn't care about fraternization. Until then, she is just wrong. Sorry.
I like lists, so:
1. Perhaps not as obvious as the other thread, but this is a ballroom instructor/student and most of the responders here are ballroom. ymmv in the salsa, hip hop, etc. worlds.
2. They've known each other for a month. And clearly still in the starry-eyed infatuation phase. The jury is still way out on whether this relationship has long-term potential.
3. Her studio has a "no-frat" policy, which stands for "no fraternization". This means students and instructors are prohibited from associating with each other outside of studio lessons/events, including and especially dating each other. While this policy may sound draconian and oppressive to you, it is common at many studios (esp franchises) and is put in place to protect both students and instructors from uncomfortable situations that have occurred frequently in the ballroom world, such as stalking, jealousy/drama, etc. The OP clearly violated this workplace rule and doesn't really have a leg to stand on unless her employers are willing to be lenient.
4. "Have it all" is a myth for both sexes.
twnkltoz
Forum Master
She can't have it all, unless her employers decide to let her keep the job AND the boy. But we don't know yet if this is love. It could be real, but it could also be infatuation that fades when it's not so novel or naughty. He could be playing her, hoping to get free lessons (a HUGE reason for no-frat policies) or just to get laid. We just don't know, and neither does she. So she could be throwing away a major opportunity few people get for nothing.
danceronice
Forum Master
Feelings aren't relevant. She signed a contract, the studio has rules for a reason, she can either be an honorable person, come clean and address it with her employers, or she can get fired. It's a much more awful regret when you're regretting throwing away a good job over a guy who turns out to be just another date, and until you're past the hormonal infatuation stage you truly can't tell if they're going to be anything long-term or not. Never give up a guaranteed paycheck for a maybe anything unless you're wealthy enough not to care.
Mr 4 styles
Forum Master
Men can have it all??............ tell that to my wife please... a bunch
flightco
Well-Known Member
Men can have it all??............ tell that to my wife please... a bunch
I feel like I have it all...
ajiboyet
Well-Known Member
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M GONNA SWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNG FROM THE CHANDELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR
I'm sorry, I just had to do that.
Absolutely. Feelings will NOT help when some kind of action is being taken against you for violating the terms of your contract.
OP is having a wonderful start to her career IMO, working for the people she's working for. I think she needs to hold on to that tightly.
- Status