Dance Instructor Dating a Student

[LatinaLover]

I've experienced first hand where a student/teacher relationship worked out. An old friend and my old teacher fell in love while she was dancing with him and they are still together living together to this day. Maybe that's where my crazy idea of this working out came from. I am going to see if I can get him to start taking lessons from one of my bosses instead of me or maybe I'll just teach him on my own and tell them that he was no longer able to afford lessons or something to that effect.

I just hate having to hide stuff like this. Especially having to hide someone that I like so much. And he equally doesn't like having to hide it and put so much at risk, either.

Hey, maybe we'll just go to Vegas and get married and come back and say "Oh hey by the way I'm married now." (I am absolutely kidding about that, I've known this guy for a month I'm not that stupid.)

 

[flightco]

OK, I just want to make sure I got this straight because I know you want to keep this little secret "just between us."
You said:

You got your first teaching job almost a year ago at one of the best studios in the state

Currently you have full bronze American Smooth and Rhythm certifications and are working on Silver

You are working for two of the best, highest ranked Latin dancers in the world

you live about 1 hour 15 minutes from the studio and commute there 5-6 days a week.

They agreed (on their own not by your asking) to split the cost of your gas

They occasionally give you extra money as well, like if you pick some party favors up for a social party when they pay you back they pay a little extra sometimes.

About a month ago, on March 3rd, you had an introductory lesson with a student from Kazakhstan, a licensed physician.

You're good, nothing self identifying here - your secret is safe with us...

 

[twnkltoz]

Yeah bad idea to hide it if you're going to continue dating him in any way. Better to talk to your bosses yourself, be honest and tell them your job is important to you and ask for their advice. Hopefully they're reasonable people and will help you find a solution. One of them taking over as his instructor might be the best option. You've worked hard to get where you are. You don't want to lose it all over this guy when you don't even know if it will work out.

And I do know a couple who start as teacher-student, got married, and are still together years later. It can happen. But it's rare.

 

[raindance]

And I do know a couple who start as teacher-student, got married, and are still together years later. It can happen. But it's rare.

I know of one couple as well. But this was the only student that teacher ever dated, and the teacher's job was still at risk by going down that road while employed by a studio.

 

[ajiboyet]

I really think LatinaLover should send an edited version of that post to a mod to help change it, if any mod would agree to do that.

Really.

 

[twnkltoz]

I know of one couple as well. But this was the only student that teacher ever dated, and the teacher's job was still at risk by going down that road while employed by a studio.

Yep, and in the case I know, he owned the studio.

 

[Phooey]

Sneak around. You've only known him one month. Him asking permission to date you from your boss is absolutely ridiculous---they're not your parents and its the wrong century. You'll be fired instantly if not treated with great suspicion. Be very wary that you know him only from a dance situation---you're getting ready to make this real serious real quick without knowing him well enough. Its like meeting people on vacation---all happy and all smiles, but sometimes it doesn't work when you reenter regular life, with all its stresses and conflicts.

Slow things down and get to know him as a person, and find out whether or not you're actually a good match beyond teacher and student. If you go through all this hullabullo and break up within 1 month, you'll feel real silly for jeopardizing your job, your relationship with your instructors, and your future for someone you barely know. If its meant to be, then it won't matter that people were in the dark for the first few months.

 

[danceronice]

Sneak around. You've only known him one month. Him asking permission to date you from your boss is absolutely ridiculous---they're not your parents and its the wrong century.

It's not about dubious social notions of free will in dating behavior. It's about the studio having an explicit rule about no fraternizing with students. If she sneaks around and gets caught, it's MORE likely they'd fire her and/or ask him to leave and be angry with her for costing them a profitable student.

 

[rels77]

You're clearly young - young in your teaching career and well, just young. I would honestly go to your bosses under the auspices of asking for their help and advice. I'm sure EVERY teacher has has experiences like this or similar. you may find if you go to them with "help, this is happening. I love my job and the studio, please hlep me handle this... " then you might actually get them on your side. although they'll definitely switch him, to another teacher. but they might have great advice.

if you try to teach him outside the studio, they WILL find out and not only will you be fired, you'll have a hard time getting hired anywhere else. Think about if you want to throw your career away for a guy you've known a month.

 

[fascination]

welcome to df Latina...I am sorry that you had to pick such a worn out topic in that we all may seem a bit harsh or jaded in our responses....I think sometimes folks forget that others can be young and niave...heaven knows I certainly was....I do think you mentioned some fairly obvious sorts of things and I am happy to tweak your post if you like and you can pm me on that...

as to the rest of it...I am curious about your approximate age....I would also echo that while sometimes these things work out and employers are okay with it, that is exceedingly rare....I see no good way to handle it but to be honest and see what your bosses recommend

 

[flightco]

If you are going to tweak her post, you better tweak mine too

 

[IndyLady]

If you are going to tweak her post, you better tweak mine too

Ditto on my very first post. Please remove reference to specific country.

 

[fascination]

if she requests it, I will

 

[DL]

If you are going to teach, respect the role of "teacher." *Respect* it.

Read all the words in your post again, but imagine that the author is a college professor and the student is an undergrad. What's your opinion of that professor?

 

[theAnnelis]

I've done this before. Okay, twice. I was on a break from a place with an anti-fraternization policy. The first guy was a teacher at a different location and some of the higher-ups actually knew about us (HE was the one who told them ) but I guess it was kind of swept under the rug; no one ever really said anything about it. We broke up before I started taking lessons again, though. The second time was a guy from my location, but that was months after I stopped dancing there. It was a huge risk because he had just started working there, but thankfully no one ever found out.

On the other hand, I have a friend who started dancing with an independent instructor a few years back and they're now married. But we all know that's the exception, not the rule.

I know this isn't exactly relevant to the situation at hand, but given what I've witnessed in the dance world, I have to wonder how many people use their instructors to live out their Dirty Dancing fantasies.