(Dance) Partners: for better or worse

[elisedance]

IRight now we're all suffering through a split between one of our more prominent social couples - he wanted to try other dance partners, but their relationship started through dance, so once you take that away . . .

Ouch. But surely even if it started through dance it must have more to it? Or is he using this as the proverbial 'first step...' of quite a different dance?

Hmm. #51 I would say.... (now who is going to guess what I meant by that??)

 

[etp777]

I know several couples who were married first, then started dancing (just amateurs here, several don' even compete), and have asked them about this. In general, most of them seem to think that the dancing has helped their relationship (all the couples in question are middle aged, have grown kids, etc, and have come to dancing in just last couple years) a lot. Now that doesn't mean theyd on't still have fights that any married couple does, and that these fights might not happen on the dance floor. Suspect they're actually more likely to happen on the dance floor, as you're coming back to our discussion of an emotional connection on the floor, more passion,e tc, so if a couple was upset with each other over something at home, they come onto floor, are trying to get the right emotional connection, but have that trouble still in their head from before, suspect it's mroe likely to blow up on the dance floor than say on the ride over.

On the opposite side, known a few couples who start dancing together, continued relationship off the floor (dating, marriage, whatever, varies by couple), and had the off the floor relationship blow up, with not unexpected results to their dancing relationship. Course, also know one pro couple who danced together, danced and dated, and now are just back to dancing, and still do well, are friendly with each other, no problems. Like anything else, varies by people involved.

 

[Laura]

their relationship started through dance, so once you take that away . . .

I can think of several couples who got together through competitive partnerships, had a personal relationship for a while (including marriage), retired from dancing, and then split up because the only thing that really kept their marriage going was the partnership aspects of competitive dancing.

So it works all ways, and like everything else depends upon the two people involved.

 

[samina]

... and then split up because the only thing that really kept their marriage going was the partnership aspects of competitive dancing.

i can imagine that scenario. have wondered what would happen for a great romance to lose such a critical & originating sharing point...

 

[elisedance]

How many of these couples split up because one or other found a new partner - and a corollary, how may found new partners and carried on?

 

[samina]

I'm not even sure if we have any married partnerships here, which is woefully ignorant of me!

reb & borbala...

 

[Laura]

JANATHOME and her hubby.

 

[Zhena]

I know several couples who were married first, then started dancing (just amateurs here, several don' even compete), and have asked them about this. In general, most of them seem to think that the dancing has helped their relationship (all the couples in question are middle aged, have grown kids, etc, and have come to dancing in just last couple years) a lot. Now that doesn't mean theyd on't still have fights that any married couple does, and that these fights might not happen on the dance floor. Suspect they're actually more likely to happen on the dance floor, as you're coming back to our discussion of an emotional connection on the floor, more passion,e tc, so if a couple was upset with each other over something at home, they come onto floor, are trying to get the right emotional connection, but have that trouble still in their head from before, suspect it's mroe likely to blow up on the dance floor than say on the ride over.

BTDT.

As those of you who have had the patience to wade through some of my previous rambling posts know, my relationship with DH started with dancing. We had about 8 years with dancing, then about 21 years with little or none, and now about 4 years with it again. In general, we have a very good relationship with few disagreements and we love sharing almost all parts of our lives with each other. We also only dance socially (we don't consider studio competitions to be "real" because they go to such lengths to make sure everyone has a "good" outcome - and that's just fine with us).

And yet, even with everything working in our favor, we come closer to fighting on the dance floor than anywhere else. If something is not working, it's because something is wrong and it's someone's fault. It could be me, it could be him, it could be both of us, but at least one person has to change what he or she is doing to make it better. We both want to actually dance well (not just collect points for being "right" in the context of the argument) so we're both open to correction, but there is emotional weight in partnership issues. It's hard to remember to step back, take a deep breath, and focus on the goal -- which is partnership. These little moments don't happen often, and they're more likely when one of us is stressed by outside factors, but they seem to be unavoidable.

In other words, dance floor arguments between a committed couple are not necessarily a carryover from a previous interaction, but can be generated by the stress inherent in partner dancing. Partnerships (whether in dance or in life) cannot be built without finding a way to resolve differences, because there is no way to avoid differences between two people. The fireworks between dance partners who are also life partners may be more spectacular if they don't have a way of separating the two parts of their life, but there is no way to avoid the tensions of a dance partnership, even a social partnership. When you add the stresses of competition, it doesn't take much of a spark to trigger an explosion.

 

[etp777]

Interesting. Maybe I won't ask out that cute girl at the studio. Or go back to plan of asking out cute girl at the AM studio, who I wouldn't be able to dance with every week, or compete with. ;0 least not in our closed comps.

 

[reb]

reb & borbala...

Thanks sam . . . for us, even though dancing is a major part of our lives and how we met, for relationship purposes, it is the icing on our cake.

At first we had to work through learning how to be partners in dance while learning how to be partners in life. I KNOW that learning how to be partners in dance greatly helped me to learn how to be partners in life (thanks Kathryn, Toni, etc.).

old story for some (sorry), but for those who are new here . . .

• I had reached the closed silver syllabus level when I met a fantastic dancer
• She was living in Philly at the time, me in SoCal, and we met at dance camp in San Fran
• Attracted to, and pursued with vigor (despite never going to fall in love again!)
• Introduced to parents who were overcome and also fell in love with her :doh:
• Dated cross-country by traveling to comps (we were both in the consulting world which required travel)
• Danced together socially
• Became engaged
• DF (dear fiance) goes to grad school
• Started competing as an amateur couple
• Married
• and lots more, just don't want to be boring . . .

The future is bright for this relationship - mostly because DW has the personality, background, etc., to make it work despite my shortcomings, but also because we care for each other, and have many, many other interests.

Although significant . . . for relationship purposes, it really is the icing on the cake.
:banana:

 

[etp777]

Great story.

 

[jennyisdancing]

Aw, that's a sweet story, Reb. Being fairly new to partner dancing, I haven't had experience with dance-related relationships, but it sounds like the same thing as sharing any other common interest. Couples meet at the gym, going skiing, being in theater groups, music groups, etc. As you say, the common interest is a good starting point but you need to have other things going for the relationship as well.

 

[elisedance]

Lovely and inspiring Reb. You are both very lucky - and how sweet to have dance to share in such a way. Frankly, I am jealous! - but I don't resent it one bit.

One day maybe I will feel up to sharing something of an opposite story, well maybe not quite, but where dance was major factor tearing us appart (though in reality there were plenty of other factors and it was going to happen anyway - dance did, however, work as a catalyst).

 

[Terpsichorean Clod]

That is so romantic! Thanks for sharing, reb!

:crosses fingers in hope of being similarly blessed:

 

[delamusica]

aw thanks for sharing, reb!