Looking for a regular dedicated Tango Leader (male 40-50yrs), in Sydney Australia in the Northern Beaches

[JournalInTime]

Honestly, is there a more terrible tool?

Agreed. Maybe it works somewhere, for some people, but for me it's just freight loading down the memory on my phone. I've had no success with friends who use it and who try to connect with me right in front of me. It seems broken.

 

[JournalInTime]

[...] create whole full complete Tango routines and then also attend socials.

This is the only weird part. I've never heard of social Argentine tango dancers creating "routines." Routines – also known as choreographies – are for competitions, demonstrations, and shows. While those exist for AT, they aren't common among social dancers, because the unique selling proposition of AT is that it's a wholly improvised dance created in the moment for two people and forgotten afterward except as an emotion for those two people. Specifying that you want someone for creating routines narrows the field so much that you're unlikely to find anybody outside of an absolutely huge community.

 

[itwillhappen]

I think that depends on your tango 'level'. I'd go more for the practica - and questionable what that means in that area, as anywhere else.

Personally I too would avoid those websites, and similar, but it's up to the individual, and I can understand why people do use them. Like life, maybe you're lucky; maybe not. It's just accelerated by using such facilities.

Yes, regardless of whether it's a class, practica, milonga or event. I only meant that as soon as I was in "the tango social scene", in "the tango community", finding a dance partner on the internet seemed blatantly inefficient to me in retrospect. There was an acceleration for me, but only for the initial kickstart.

 

[JournalInTime]

I only meant that as soon as I was in "the tango social scene", in "the tango community", finding a dance partner on the internet seemed blatantly inefficient to me in retrospect.

Yes.

I can't even imagine looking online. I met both of my long-term tango partners in real life. When my regular partner is unable to attend a tango event with me, I contact people I know in real life for a "date." Everybody with whom I've taken a workshop on a one-off basis is someone with whom I discussed that activity in real life.

"Real life" here mostly means "in the local tango community, while out dancing." Communication might at times be digital – Messenger, SMS, whatever – but that's after the fact, and involves using my phone or the Internet to reach them privately, not posting an all-call to a public forum or group. Initial contact has always been in person.

Even beginners can do this . . . presumably you're taking classes, so ask somebody else in the class.

 

[tangoing]

Why does sexual orientation matter? Age I understand but if this is strictly a platonic dance partner I don’t see how that should matter. If anything it would make it easier to keep it platonic.

Also are you sure you’re talking about Argentine tango and not ballroom/international tango? You said you and your teacher also do other dances and you refer to your gatherings as socials - which makes me think you may be getting your tango confused.

 

[itwillhappen]

Why does sexual orientation matter? Age I understand but if this is strictly a platonic dance partner I don’t see how that should matter. If anything it would make it easier to keep it platonic.

Why do you understand the age thing?
But however - I'm in favor of everyone getting a badge that clearly states whether someone finds the opposite sex attractive or not in that dance setting. Would make it so much easier fore everybody to select a partner.

 

[tangoing]

Why do you understand the age thing?
But however - I'm in favor of everyone getting a badge that clearly states whether someone finds the opposite sex attractive or not in that dance setting. Would make it so much easier fore everybody to select a partner.

I dance with everyone (even as both roles at milongas) but I prefer those closer in my age since I’m younger and I find on average those closer to my age can match my energy and mobility. Also could be due to the fact that 80% of my dances in my city already are with people 40-55+, it would be refreshing to dance with someone near my age in tango.
Whereas with sexual orientation I don’t particularly care since I’m not using tango to meet romantic partners (and I think tango is probably one of the worst ways to go about that nowadays for people my age).

 

[pianistamediano]

I prefer those closer in my age since I’m younger and I find on average those closer to my age can match my energy and mobility

I share similar sentiments (with the caveat that I dance mostly with older followers anyway!).

In my experience, the older a follower is, the more they tend to be less precise in stepping to the music, no matter how fast or slow the music is. Not that there aren't any who can do so pretty much perfectly, but with the inevitable consequences of time, the lag between hearing the music and stepping tends to widen. Additionally, they tend to feel too heavy or too light - probably a consequence of not making up enough for any loss in physical ability, balance or body coordination in general, or just an inability to do so. Or it could just be a matter of mass.

Music is extremely important for me, and it throws me off every time I or my partner does not step with precision. I might like my fair share of dissonance when listening to or playing music, but not when dancing tango.

P.S.: Of course, I could just be leading them really badly!

 

[David_In_CA]

This is the only weird part.

Caring about the sexual orientation is far weirder to me.

ETA: Also, if the OP is worried about jealousy from the partner's SO, having the partner be of a sexual orientation that's not attracted to the OP reduces that somewhat. After all, even if someone is unattached at the start of the partnership, there's no reason to expect that to stay the case.

 

[Brummbaer]

Caring about the sexual orientation is far weirder to me.

I agree - from the perspective of our 'liberal' western culture nowadays - and would expect complaints from various groups if publicised. Other groups within our own culture may have even more restrictive ideas. 10-15 years ago I saw one similar request in an area of Europe. I'd be surprised, in many western cultures, to find that expressed now (but I can think of a couple of exceptions in Europe). But some of us find some of the 'traditional' BsAs codigos more 'restrictive' than we'd like to accept in our home culture - and they've evolved there (e.g. walkaceo). Uncommon, even maybe 'weird', for us to express that, but people have preferences (personal bias?) which may be expressed in that culture. Remember, it was only 2012 when Julia Gillard (then Australian PM) reacted with her well-known speech to the 'mysogeny' accusation from the Opposition leader. Other cultures can have 'weird' attitudes!

Not my choice of wording, but there it is.

 

[itwillhappen]

I find there is a distinct difference in how people describe the importance of sexual attractiveness for their own behavior and in how they describe the behavior of other people. It doesn't add up overall, I'm just saying.

I danced tandas with so many people, with people of the same sex as well as with very old and young people. But when I look at where I put in my resources, i.e. for classes, workshops, events, tango holidays, then I see things more clearly.

 

[itwillhappen]

Currently I attend some tango social scenes and dance with some fabulous men, thank you. However I'm feeling the need that a regular practice with a regular dedicated partner along with still having the opportunity to dance with others would progress my dancing skills, technique, style and enjoyment for tango dancing more.

I believe below all objectified considerations you project hopes for a more comfortable and successful tango future onto the ideal of a reliable leader.
In practice, under rapidly changing conditions, this partner can quickly become boring, obstructive or annoying if there are no stabilizing connections in other life.
Especially when a "beginner" follower learns much faster than the formerly useful "intermediate" leader and then projections go onto a "fabulous" leader.

 

[Brummbaer]

I believe below all objectified considerations you project hopes for a more comfortable and successful tango future onto the ideal of a reliable leader.
In practice, under rapidly changing conditions, this partner can quickly become boring, obstructive or annoying if there are no stabilizing connections in other life.
Especially when a "beginner" follower learns much faster than the formerly useful "intermediate" leader and then projections go onto a "fabulous" leader.

But, despite all the life issues, sometimes people do find each other for a specific, maybe short-term, objective. There are always potential issues. I know two followers who attended a course with us having found a partner for that purpose. One set were totally mismatched skills; one worked out well for the course, but have now gone their separate ways. I also know another leader who works privately with a good follower on the moves where they share a mutual interest - but have no other shared interests.

It can work, but I wouldn't have high hopes unless they share an achievable objective. If you don't ask, then you don't find out. Internationally, given the still limited active contributors and their location, it's not got a high likelihood; but still worthwhile asking. As someone said earlier: networking!

 

[TTanguero]

I've had numerous partners who were really, truly just dance partners identified as my wife (ta conjointe), and apparently I'm a polygamist, given the number of people of whom I've been assumed to be the husband (ton conjoint).

Sure, I've had the same. I've typically had one or two 'tango wives' at any given time, and they have changed over time. I know some have assumed I've been more-than-tango-partners with them, but unless either of you is bothered about that, why worry about what assumptions people make?

As rumors will circulate regardless, it makes sense to take steps to ensure that you can live with them.

If you're worried about rumours, though, I'd have thought a gay partner would be ideal?

Ben

 

[JournalInTime]

[...] unless either of you is bothered about that, why worry about what assumptions people make?

I am not! But the original poster might be.

If you're worried about rumours, though, I'd have thought a gay partner would be ideal?

Specific answers depend on the rumors you're willing to live with: Are you willing to live with rumors that you're married and not looking when you are looking? That you're chasing skirts when you aren't looking? That you're gay when you're straight? That you're straight when you're gay? That whatever your marital status and sexual orientation, you're looking for more than a dance partner?

I'm comfortable with people having weird ideas about me up to the point where they think I'm looking for "horizontal tandas" with anyone – straight, gay, married, or not. I'm not looking for that. My girlfriend, while not a possessive person, is a sensitive person who trusts me but finds it takes too much out of her to deal with gossip. She's also in a conservative profession where rumors of being with a skirt-chasing man would affect her career. So . . . I manage that.

Thus, I can see the point to preemptively managing a dance relationship by filtering for people with whom being associated would not be an issue if an observer with a wild imagination starts to assume things and spread gossip. I totally agree that we shouldn't have to do that in 2023! However, we don't control how the more judgmental or conservative people around us react, and they tend to be living in 1953 or even 1923.