Not touchy feely

[Chrisa Assis]

This is all sounding amazing!!!
You might need to be a bit careful with the ladies, despite the ring and the obvious connection...haha...but still it looks like you are enjoying yourself so much more, which is great..!
Sometimes a third party doing the smallest, simplest gesture can give us a lot of reassurance but can also remind us that when we put in the work it pays off! It might take some time...haha...but it pays off!
I would say though instead of trying to figure out what it is that other people have noticed--because it might be all the things you mentioned and much much more--try to focus on what it is that you want to work on more...I mean for everyone of us, there is a special thing we like about Tango...one thing that interests us more than the others. I think if you slightly shift your focus towards that, the change and the progress you are making, might be more obvious to you..!

 

[koinzell]

to be honest, I was afraid I would bore her, no make that I'm still afraid!

Haha, it might be the greatest cause of reluctance in this world!

 

[RiseNFall]

I thought it sounded like the women were comfortable with you, and fond of you, not necessary flirting with you.

 

[newbie]

TD, is there in your community a guy similar to you in terms of tango skill, but single, and not reluctant to close embrace?
If so, are the ladies also flirting when dancing with him?

 

[Tango Distance]

Thanks again to all. It is a good issue about which to be aware.

... Without any more context, it really feels like these ladies were flirting with you. Seems inappropriate, so I'd be careful. And keep DW happy...always try to seek her out for last tanda even when another tries to lure you away.

I thought it sounded like the women were comfortable with you, and fond of you, not necessary flirting with you.

TD, is there in your community a guy similar to you in terms of tango skill, but single, and not reluctant to close embrace?
If so, are the ladies also flirting when dancing with him?

For the record, no one has slipped their phone number in my pocket or tried to get me to meet with them outside of dance or without DW. Almost all the ladies are, I'm not sure what would be the best word, professional.

To answer Newbie first: The younger single guys definitely get flirted with. The married guys don't have ladies flirt with them that I have seen, or maybe it is more subtle. A handful of ladies have been maybe a little too friendly towards me, and I think all of them were recently divorced. RiseNFall, you well could be right, they might just like being around a decent guy. TomTango, you well could be right, they might be actively flirting.

I also realize things can cover a spectrum: Someone flirting with everyone, someone "practicing" with you, someone casting the largest net they can, "I'm interesting if you happen to find yourself on the market," to someone actively targeting a particular person regardless of their marital status.

Whether they are flirting or not, it is good to be aware that they might be flirting, and keep it at arms' length and don't embrace it (Ha! A Tango Distance joke!). It is also good to be aware that the newer and less troubled TD might get it more often than the older and consumed-with-avoiding-hugs TD.

Everything that I might have perceived as flirting occurred outside of actually dancing. This might be Tango Distance being unaware again, I hadn't thought about flirting while doing Tango steps.

 

[Tango Distance]

This is all sounding amazing!!!
You might need to be a bit careful with the ladies, despite the ring and the obvious connection...haha...but still it looks like you are enjoying yourself so much more, which is great..!
Sometimes a third party doing the smallest, simplest gesture can give us a lot of reassurance but can also remind us that when we put in the work it pays off! It might take some time...haha...but it pays off!

Many thanks for the encouragement. It has been nice to get some clear validation of the many hours I have put in: dance classes, practicing, listening to Tango music, and last but not least, studying and learning psychology stuff.

I would say though instead of trying to figure out what it is that other people have noticed--because it might be all the things you mentioned and much much more--try to focus on what it is that you want to work on more...I mean for everyone of us, there is a special thing we like about Tango...one thing that interests us more than the others. I think if you slightly shift your focus towards that, the change and the progress you are making, might be more obvious to you..!

While I have wondered how other's perceptions might have changed, don't worry I have stopped short of asking people!

So what is it that I want? Good question, and to be honest I'm not completely sure. I realize my other hobbies tend to be either more solitary or have more distinct goals. Here is a try at goals... hmmm... goals and wants are not necessarily the same thing... hmmm... recasting that to what I want:

• DW to be happy
• To never step on a lady's foot again
• Lady to smile when cabeceo'd and more importantly at the end of a tanda
• To not radiate my discomforts to others such that they feel bad for hugging me
• Learn volcadas and colgadas
• "Mind reading" dancing
  
• To know steps went correctly because "it felt right"
• In addition to Tango, to continue to also learn Blues, do some Contra, and maybe learn some swing

There are a small number of ladies that I swear can read my mind. They will even follow my slight movements of indecision! Maybe this is just the mark of an excellent follower, but if it can be developed as a leader skill I'd like to improve in that way.

That 2nd to last bullet deserves further comment. In my other hobbies, after enough practice I could tell if I did something right by how it felt, even before seeing the official time or speed or measuring the distance or hearing the recording or whatever. I'm not quite that far in my Tango and still need to be reminded of many things by my instructors.

 

[Chrisa Assis]

Many thanks for the encouragement. It has been nice to get some clear validation of the many hours I have put in: dance classes, practicing, listening to Tango music, and last but not least, studying and learning psychology stuff.

While I have wondered how other's perceptions might have changed, don't worry I have stopped short of asking people!

So what is it that I want? Good question, and to be honest I'm not completely sure. I realize my other hobbies tend to be either more solitary or have more distinct goals. Here is a try at goals... hmmm... goals and wants are not necessarily the same thing... hmmm... recasting that to what I want:

• DW to be happy
• To never step on a lady's foot again
• Lady to smile when cabeceo'd and more importantly at the end of a tanda
• To not radiate my discomforts to others such that they feel bad for hugging me
• Learn volcadas and colgadas
• "Mind reading" dancing
  
• To know steps went correctly because "it felt right"
• In addition to Tango, to continue to also learn Blues, do some Contra, and maybe learn some swing

There are a small number of ladies that I swear can read my mind. They will even follow my slight movements of indecision! Maybe this is just the mark of an excellent follower, but if it can be developed as a leader skill I'd like to improve in that way.

That 2nd to last bullet deserves further comment. In my other hobbies, after enough practice I could tell if I did something right by how it felt, even before seeing the official time or speed or measuring the distance or hearing the recording or whatever. I'm not quite that far in my Tango and still need to be reminded of many things by my instructors.

But isn't this what we all want when we get into social dancing? Meaning to see that the hours and the money we spend are not going to waste but as the time goes by, we are having more and more moments of tango bliss (haha) or better said we open our embrace to a partner with a bright smile on his/her face..! I believe that we want to feel amazing, while we are on the dancefloor, and for that, especially as a leader, I think the less things I need to be worried about while dancing the better..!
So when I chatted with a few leader friends and students they all had similar answers like yours above--except maybe the volcada part..maybe--so I am sending you an article I posted here, at the end of which I have put together a practice routine, that has helped me work on musicality, improvisation and floor craft, because for me these three are vital in a social environment...so the more comfortable I get with these elements, the more relaxed I can be while leading!
I hope it will help you too
http://www.dance-forums.com/threads/tango-it-is-a-mans-world-too.47058/#post-1094090

Let me know what you think..!

 

[itwillhappen]

Let me know what you think..!

Chrisa, I really like what and how you write!
So take my remarks with the necessary serenity. haha!

TIP #1 ... N for unconfident leaders

Stand stable on one leg - you can train that the hole day long, during shaving, waiting for the bus!
And be sure - it's very difficult for tangueras to stand stable on high heels and they can't train that often.

Never look how elegant guys like Sebastián Achaval walk - look how lazy Oscar Casas handles a tanguera.
Move in cross system as often as you can and be variant stepping into that and back.
You're quite more flexible to swing from one side to the other and to turn your tanguera steadily.

During pauses move her on one leg, and turn her a while around.
Lift the frame a bit up so that she stops trying to step arbitrary.
After some repetitions she will love that as a time for embellishments.

Think more towards Muhammad Ali vs. Joe Frazier - let your partner be uncertain about your twinkle-toed footwork.
Deke your steps ... down, project, reject, up, turn ... BUT DON'T PUNCH!

Kick musicality out of your critical path - it will daunt you and consume too much time!
If you start listening to the music and move slow if it is slow, move fast if it is fast, pause if there is no beat ...
...you are in the upper class already!

 

[Chrisa Assis]

Hi hi!!!
Thank you so much for your thoughts and the tips! And the DON'T PUNCH note!!!haha
I would like to add only something that I learned from a friend teaching yoga, that I found very interesting...
She said don't try to focus on balance but on alignment!
Often times we find ourselves balanced but our bodies are not properly aligned creating tension and struggles while we dance--and they do yoga..! This way we will not only get stronger and feel more secure over our axis but while we dance--or do yoga--we get to understand our bodies from within, we get inhabit them again!

 

[koinzell]

Never look how elegant guys like Sebastián Achaval walk - look how lazy Oscar Casas handles a tanguera.

Never look at anyone! Dance who you are!

 

[Mladenac]

Never look at anyone! Dance who you are!

We need role models and we need to choose them wisely

 

[koinzell]

It's nice to have people to look up to but one must adapt the dance to their own body type and personality.

 

[itwillhappen]

Never look at anyone! Dance who you are!

My tangueras wouldn't like that - I'm an IT-Nerd.

 

[Mladenac]

It's nice to have people to look up to but one must adapt the dance to their own body type and personality.

And to the partner's as well

 

[tangobro]

...I'm uncomfortable being that close with women other than my wife...

Am I the only one with this issue?...

not by a long shot.
seen on a NYC subway:





evidently a marketing department thinks there is a demographic.

p.s. I know TD was not this extreme, and has come a long way, but the ad reminded me of this thread