Not touchy feely

[Tango Distance]

Thanks for posting that pic! I might need to move to New York to get away from people!

Here are a couple of quotes I just read from "The Machine Stops" by E. M. Forster:

[A lady is visiting her son.] ... She was too well-bred to shake him by the hand. ...

... she behaved barbarically -- she put out her hand to steady her.
"How dare you!" exclaimed the passenger. "You forget yourself!"
The woman was confused, and apologised for not having let her fall. People never touched one another. The custom had become obsolete ...

 

[Tango Distance]

Milonga Headaches

It is very rare that I get a headache, and I can almost always point to the fumes that caused it. TD's Tango history started with dancing 1/3 or 1/2 of the Tandas, but fairly recently I started dancing almost all of them. I also started doing a little bit of close embrace with some ladies I know and like. It wasn't every time, but I started getting headaches after milongas. "Oh great," I thought, "of all people now I have this issue!" My first thought was maybe it was someone's perfume, and thought to start making charts of who I danced with. I figured 15 to 20 milongas later I would have the offender sniffed out. Wait a minute, that's being too simple, and could lead to as many as 20 headaches. I could use a bisection approach. Let's assume just one person was the culprit. I'd dance with 1/2 of the available ladies the 1st milonga. Headache would mean the suspect was in that pool, no headache would mean the other half contained the suspect. I could keep dancing with the "cleared" half, and the next milonga dance with half of the suspect pool, etc. Now I would need just ceil(log base 2 of the number of ladies), so 4 or 5 milongas should do it, and on average I would only suffer 2 or 3 headaches figuring it out.

Another thought was perhaps I was so stressed about CE or that many OE interactions it was literally making my head hurt. While I'd like to be a complete master of my brain, I have to admit sometimes it runs off and does its own thing. I wanted to think that I was enjoying things to the point I actually wanted to do all those tandas, but I realized I am the Tango Distance. Maybe my subconscious was screaming at me. So another plan was to dance every other Tanda, and maybe with 10 minutes of the brain doing self maintenance between tandas it would be OK.

I did another milonga, and had not yet put plan A or plan B into effect. I awoke with perhaps the worst headache yet. I stepped on the scale, and was surprised to see I had lost 1.5 kg in one day. I then had a liter of fluid with breakfast, and went on to consume a total of 5 liters of fluid in about 8 hours, with only one rest room visit, with low output, during that time. OK, I think I have this figured out, I have become Tango Dehydration. With the leisurely pace of dancing every other tanda, there was plenty of time to drink water regularly. With that busy busy busy every tanda schedule of late, I was not drinking any water. I have been more conscientious with my water intake, and have not had any more milonga headaches.

 

[Mr 4 styles]

Duh......it's exercise.. you probably losee 500 cc per hr or more. Much more if you drink alcohol at the event.

 

[Tango Distance]

For someone that bikes 30 km in 40 C heat, does cross country skiing with 1 km of elevation gain, and plays 1+ hours of basketball at a time, Tango just doesn't seem like exercise -- I'm not tired after a night of Tango. As someone who has never had a dehydration headache previous to Tango, despite some very serious exercise in hot weather and heavy sweating, it was a big surprise to me. I have always been conscientious about drinking water and never had a problem until Tango. I think the big difference is the Tango events are 3 or 4 hours long, so the energy expenditure (and water loss) might be closer to an hour of hard exercise than I realized.

Mr. Designated Driver here does not drink alcohol at Tango events.

0.5 L/hr is a significant water loss!

BTW, I do feel tired after a night of Contra dancing.

Duh......it's exercise.. you probably losee 500 cc per hr or more. Much more if you drink alcohol at the event.

 

[Tango Distance]

75 kg Sport Fishing

She seemed like a nice, sedate, and calm older lady. The music started, the dancing started... Wait, I'm not sure I could call this dancing. She whirled around the boat at high speed. I was unable to reel her in. I couldn't even motor down the line of dance. I was stuck in the middle of a tornado. This was reaching the crisis point, if a couple danced into her it could have resulted in a dancers down event worthy of my local news. Desperate times call for desperate measures... I recalled she often danced close embrace with others and probably would not mind if I tried that. I recalled an instructor saying close embrace is a good way to control the follower. In a desperate attempt to get control of the situation, I tried a tenative CE hold. She repeatedly slammed into me, ricocheted away, and continued circling the boat. I had reeled in some line, but the fight was still on. OK, it was time to pull this one into the boat. I did a close embrace hold worthy of a police reality TV show suspect take down, no joke it was strong enough to have held a bag of gravel. While the fish still flopped uncontrollable, we were finally able to progress down the line of dance, all while I was getting grinned at and she appeared to be having a fantastic time. I kid you not, in the course of the whole song we made it only 5 meters down the line of dance, despite it being a large floor (a full size basketball court) and few enough dancers for lots of room. At the end of the song I apologized to her for my lack of experience, and asked if she would like to continue. She gave me a nod of approval and then a glance down the line of dance, reminiscent of Vin Diesel in the Fast and Furious just before the race begins. Was it my imagination, or did the room lights briefly go green when the music started? We were off! TD was hanging on for dear life. She would slam into TD, rub against him, struggle away to do a tornado molinete, grin like she was on a roller coaster, and run her left hand up and down TD's body. TD managed to work in the occasional step down the line of dance. No joke, despite enough space for 4x the people, in three songs we made it around the floor only once.

I'm still trying to decode this one. Was it ethanol fueled madness? The Tango equivalent of grinding? A rite of passage? Delight in the dancing discomfort of the Distance? Had it been a younger lady I would have ended the tanda early, but I cut some slack for those old enough to be my mom... or perhaps grandma.

Later that night, she accepted an invite from an elderly gentleman. I watched with keen interest and best wishes for his safety. What's this? They are stepping slowly and she is following nicely. I made a note to ask him his secrets.

 

[outdoorman1234]

75 kg Sport Fishing

Didn't you have your fish billy with you?

 

[dchester]

I'm still trying to decode this one. Was it ethanol fueled madness? The Tango equivalent of grinding? A rite of passage? Delight in the dancing discomfort of the Distance? Had it been a younger lady I would have ended the tanda early, but I cut some slack for those old enough to be my mom... or perhaps grandma.

Later that night, she accepted an invite from an elderly gentleman. I watched with keen interest and best wishes for his safety. What's this? They are stepping slowly and she is following nicely. I made a note to ask him his secrets.

Yeah, funny stuff like this happens every now and then. Another approach you can take (not that it will work better, just different), is to keep lightening the embrace. I was at a practica a few years ago, when a follower was just doing her own thing (taking steps, not just embellishments), although she wasn't going fast. So I decided to go very open, when she started doing her thing. Eventually she stepped away and started doing "whatever", while I was just standing there looking at her, trying to figure out what was going on. I finally said something like, "What is this?". Then she stopped and said, "Weren't you leading this?", to which I replied, "No, I'm just standing here watching you".

 

[Mr 4 styles]

Yes endurance exercise is a different animal. I spartan race 14milesviver terrain with obstacles. So this is a multi hour event as my cycling running and swimming

 

[Tango Distance]

Didn't you have your fish billy with you?

... nor a truncheon or a cricket bat... This was mano y mano!

As long as I'm on lyrics streak from the hard rock music stream I had playing (caution the real version is NSFW):

This quick parody I just whipped out came out somewhat dark! Don't worry TD fans, don't take it too seriously and realize it is a form of catharsis for the TD. As I was listening the parody lyrics just suddenly jumped out at me.

"I Don't Like The Hugs (But Huggers Like Me)"

I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs

Dance life baby "we're Euro descent and our embrace is so so airy!"
Dance life baby "he's not a toucher cause he's sober and he confesses here online!"

You and I open embrace and we're ready to fall
Raised to be respectful, taught that distance is all

I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs

Dance life baby "God made space our ideal is space and for space we are praying"
Dance life baby "I'm just a sample of a soul made to look just like a human being"
Dance life baby "I'm somewhat rehabbed but I still do walks of shame"
Dance life baby "we're talkshown and we're just shaking hands like lawyers at a murder trial"

You and I open embrace and we're ready to fall
Raised to be respectful, taught that distance is all

I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs

There's a hole in my soul that I don't fill
Because open space makes me feel fine

I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs

 

[Tango Distance]

That's a good thought. My dance instructor suggested going to the middle of the floor if it happens again, and his assistant suggested just stand and let things fly.

Yeah, funny stuff like this happens every now and then. Another approach you can take (not that it will work better, just different), is to keep lightening the embrace. I was at a practica a few years ago, when a follower was just doing her own thing (taking steps, not just embellishments), although she wasn't going fast. So I decided to go very open, when she started doing her thing. Eventually she stepped away and started doing "whatever", while I was just standing there looking at her, trying to figure out what was going on. I finally said something like, "What is this?". Then she stopped and said, "Weren't you leading this?", to which I replied, "No, I'm just standing here watching you".

Yes endurance exercise is a different animal. I spartan race 14milesviver terrain with obstacles. So this is a multi hour event as my cycling running and swimming

I bow in your general direction, spartan racing is real exercise! I had a coworker that did it.

 

[Mr 4 styles]

Lol thanks. You have to be a little crazy to do it.....guilty

 

[Chrisa Assis]

75 kg Sport Fishing
Had it been a younger lady I would have ended the tanda early, but I cut some slack for those old enough to be my mom... or perhaps grandma.

Later that night, she accepted an invite from an elderly gentleman. I watched with keen interest and best wishes for his safety. What's this? They are stepping slowly and she is following nicely. I made a note to ask him his secrets.

hahahaha
Oh you are in Tango trouble! haha
You are now in that special category, of tango fun!
Every time I got one of the leaders from my class to come out, at least one older lady would come by and ask them to dance, and they were so very happy dancing with them...I thought that it was because they were new to the community and the ladies wanted to encouraging and helpful BUT it wasn't that or not only that, because after a while all the leaders confessed that they were asked to do all the flashier more dynamic moves they knew including volcadas! Because those ladies really enjoyed it. They noticed that they can dance with maybe more power or with different dynamics and they wanted to get that different energy!
So there you have it!
It happens..! You are in Tango trouble, so make the best out of it! haha

 

[Tango Distance]

hahahaha
Oh you are in Tango trouble! haha
You are now in that special category, of tango fun!
... leaders confessed that they were asked to do all the flashier more dynamic moves they knew including volcadas! Because those ladies really enjoyed it. They noticed that they can dance with maybe more power or with different dynamics and they wanted to get that different energy!
So there you have it!
It happens..! You are in Tango trouble, so make the best out of it! haha

I didn't even think of that. There is another data point. That night we had a rare situation where there were only two couples on the floor (DW and I being one of the couples), and there was a fairly large audience. DW and I were on fire, stepping quadruple time and flying from one end of the basketball court to the other. I think it was safe to say the applause was for us at the end! (That's the first time I recall being applauded like that. It had not occurred to me this lady might have seen that and thought she wanted a piece of super speed. I kept trying to slow her down, maybe I should have tried to see if she could keep up instead!

Thanks CA for the insight!

 

[Tango Distance]

Sticky Shirt

People that know me often give me a respectful distance. That preserves the status quo and maximizes my comfort level. A thankfully small number of people think if they hug me hard enough, for long enough, often enough, I'll be cured. While that is desensitizing to a degree, I am very uncomfortable and then try to avoid hugging situations with that person. There is a lady that knows my Tango touchy-feely issues well. She'll generally respect my boundaries but every couple of months she'll sneak something in that is quick enough, and/or playful enough, and/or future looking enough, that I get a tiny spot of "therapy" with only minor discomfort. The events are both quick and infrequent enough I don't avoid her and value her friendship. Examples include my asking her to please stay in open embrace. She dryly responded, "I'll try to hold myself back." She gave me a 100 millisecond surprise hug on the last note of a song. Another time she said something like "It's a step in the right direction but not as good as a hug" when I was trying to do gancho-style greetings with her rather than hugs -- she wisely made it a request for the future but made no move to hug me at that time.

She was drinking a sticky drink and apologized for having a sticky right hand. I jokingly pantomimed trying to get my hand unstuck from hers. Showing a quick wit, she then said, "I think I spilled some on the front of my shirt!" and then "glued" herself to me in a close embrace! I responded "Of all people, this would happen to me!" BTW she is one of the few ladies with whom I'll now do a little bit of close embrace. To clarify, that is voluntary CE!

 

[Tango Distance]

You are Supposed to be like Me!

A female college friend expressed interest in trying Tango. She is similar to me in many ways, such as being a tech nerd and not a complete master of social situations. While riding to the Tango venue, I gave her a fast verbal crash course on Tango. Of course, being the TD, I included saying things like "You do not have to do close embrace. Feel free to tell a guy no if he tries." Her first day of Tango went really well, and the men were very good about asking her and showing her things. We practiced, which in itself was a different experience for me -- most people I dance with I meet through dance, not outside of dance. My friend and I practiced, and she suddenly announced "OK, let's do close embrace now." "What?" my mind screamed, "You are supposed to be like me!" I know I didn't have a big reaction, in that I didn't run from the room and she didn't ask "What's wrong?" so I think I reacted in a minimally observable way. We tried some close embrace, but it didn't go well -- I'm a CE amateur and apparently not really in a position to try it on someone's first day. She did seem to enjoy the open embrace part of the program.