Tango Diaries

[Bailango]

But if you are looking to dance for dating purposes, there are way easier options! I started with Ceroc, and after four group lessons, I could dance at an event. Each lesson was 15 mins of instruction and 45 mins of practice, so that's an hour of tuition and four hours total to go from non-dancer to dancer. The tango investment is ... a little greater.

Type of dance hardly matters. If that’s the purpose I would say tango is easier, as long as the target demographic for the purpose is sufficiently represented.

When people have found dates at social dancing, the skill level has hardly been a factor. Infact I would say it is not a factor that enters the equation.

In my limited experience more dates emerge out of classes that social dance floor.

However tango social dance culture is more conducive for the stated purpose (finding date) than any other social dance. The way milongas are half part social dancing that people take seriously but also half part socializing off the dance floor (often around wine and food), people can and do participate without having any pressure to dance (if they feel their skills aren’t sufficient yet.). So someone looking to milongas to fish for a date, merely being on the social off the dance floor provides larger target area. And if you are dancing - the form of close embrace, able to dance four in a row without anyone trying to ask your partner, three chances for small talk during the tanda, are only add to why milonga may have upper hand. In other social dances, as soon as you finish, someone else is waiting to either ask you or the partner you just danced with. It is hard to have conversation on the side of the floor.

I think I could draw a list of pros and cons for each social dance I have immersed myself in, I can see that tango would have the longest pros for the purpose of finding a date.

Demographics matter. If you are twenty something then bachata sensual is better than tango.

 

[Brummbaer]

But if you are looking to dance for dating purposes, there are way easier options! I started with Ceroc, and after four group lessons, I could dance at an event. Each lesson was 15 mins of instruction and 45 mins of practice, so that's an hour of tuition and four hours total to go from non-dancer to dancer. The tango investment is ... a little greater.

It depends on your own age, and the age range you're seeking (so I'm told by acquaintances). But the ceroc and bachata scenes are, according to my information, much friendlier, social, and better for that objective.

AT is, perhaps, where you progress to afterwards.

 

[Brummbaer]

It is also true that people have confessed to crying after going home from milongas. That’s in our usually leader-heavy local scene. I can’t think of any other social dance which has made someone cry.

If not cry, then terrified of going to certain milongas (for not being good enough).

Not being good enough is frequently just an excuse. It may be valid, but I note, sometimes, basic anti-social attitudes, or elitism. Or maybe those there aren't 'good enough' to partner someone. And it applies for both roles. It's the human condition in groups with 'outsiders' until they're accepted.

 

[Miradamiranda]

Seen from the other side, I’d think it would be rather easy for a guy if he’s even just a halfway decent tango dancer to date in the tango scene. There are plenty of women without partners who really wish they had a partner who dances. Quite a few are surprised when I tell them I much prefer going to tango events alone instead of being stuck with someone who’d make it harder for me to get dances with others. But I’m probably different than most of the women I know in the scene.

As a follower, though, it seems you have to be a very good dancer to attract the attention of guys on the scene for anything additional to pure dancing.
My own experience is that (towards me) all the guys have always been super respectful and delicate (no creepy behavior) about showing any interest. To the point that the ambiguity is so subtle you can barely tell if you are reading too much into something. The better dancer I have become, the more attention from guys I have received, but there’s often that underlying unspoken fear of ruining a great longlasting dance relationship for a temptation.

 

[Miradamiranda]

I would totally love to hear a story made up of just these type of ladies room conversations at milongas. But that’s just me the creepy dude

I don’t have anything exciting to report. Mostly about wardrobe malfunctions. “… hey, anyone have a spare safety pin?” …. “I have some Hollywood tape in my bag If you need it”

We do talk. But there’s time to do so while ironing seats instead of in the ladies’ room.

 

[pianistamediano]

Seen from the other side, I’d think it would be rather easy for a guy if he’s even just a halfway decent tango dancer to date in the tango scene.

No.

 

[pianistamediano]

As a follower, though, it seems you have to be a very good dancer to attract the attention of guys on the scene for anything additional to pure dancing.

Also no, in general.

(Though given I'm probably at most half your age... It differs!)

 

[Miradamiranda]

Also no, in general.

All about perspective…

 

[pianistamediano]

All about perspective…

To be fair, unless they're (from my perspective) highly attractive physically and mentally, I wouldn't really consider dating them unless we're highly compatible dancers — and even then, our mutual dance compatibility needs to be at a minimum! Let's just not talk about getting to the actual date part...

 

[Rabbit]

Seen from the other side, I’d think it would be rather easy for a guy if he’s even just a halfway decent tango dancer to date in the tango scene.

There is a lot of meaningless flirting going on. Also the failure rate for relationships formed in tango is, according to my observations, high (our scene currently has a lot of drama caused by these.)

 

[brujo]

But if you are looking to dance for dating purposes, there are way easier options! I started with Ceroc, and after four group lessons, I could dance at an event. Each lesson was 15 mins of instruction and 45 mins of practice, so that's an hour of tuition and four hours total to go from non-dancer to dancer. The tango investment is ... a little greater.

Yeah but the demographics are different. Go to a salsa or bachata event as a middle age dude and you feel like you’re dancing with people that can be your grandchildren. If you want to date men that are neurotic, love putting absurd amounts of effort and time in a most likely ADHD induced perfectionism and are most likely shy and socially uncalibrated. And let’s face it, who wouldn’t. Then tango is the dance for you.

 

[brujo]

In my limited experience more dates emerge out of classes that social dance floor.

I find most people in tango just dance and go home. Most of the women in my classes are married and/or have grown kids. There are a ton of amazing single folks I know in tango that would be quickly snagged up in other dances.

Being a slightly older crowd means that the bar for dating a person feels higher since most folks already have a pretty nice life they won’t give up to accommodate a partner, whereas younger folks feel more relationship adventurous.

People from other scenes I interact with like salsa, bachata, ecstatic dance or fusion do more community things together. Let’s have a house party. After the dance, let’s get pizza as a group. Let’s all go to the ballet or flamenco show together. Here is a festival, let’s go. So the interactions beyond dance are a bit richer. Some of the events I see in fusion also feel a bit more shag friendly with things like hot spring retreats, hot tub and dance, tantric sessions before dance, massage therapy and cuddle rooms.

In some small communities people do interact more specially as they travel to other scenes together but I’ve seen more divorces than unions emerge in my three tango years.

 

[Tango Distance]

There are plenty of women without partners who really wish they had a partner who dances. Quite a few are surprised when I tell them I much prefer going to tango events alone instead of being stuck with someone who’d make it harder for me to get dances with others. But I’m probably different than most of the women I know in the scene.

As a follower, though, it seems you have to be a very good dancer to attract the attention of guys on the scene for anything additional to pure dancing.

• Many ladies have told me and/or my dear wife (DW) they wished their husband would dance, and that my DW is lucky to have a man who dances.
• Going with someone can work for or against getting dances.
  • My DW and I are seen dancing right away. We've danced many times and do some steps I'm reluctant to do with others or with only very good dancers. This gets us both past the "Don't want to risk dancing with an unknown and potentially bad dancer" thing. It also places us higher in the meritocracy ranking. I'm sure we get more dances because of each other.
  • After we have started together, we sit apart. We get thanked for doing this, it makes it clear we are open to dancing with others. Couples that sit together don't get asked as much. I have also seen cases where the lady only dances with someone else if her husband is dancing with someone else; such a person is harder to catch for a tanda.
• Statistics of small numbers, but people that find someone to date in Tango seem to make Tango skill a secondary consideration for the lady. The men that get dates via Tango seem to generally have better than average dance skills.

 

[Rabbit]

So the interactions beyond dance are a bit richer. Some of the events I see in fusion also feel a bit more shag friendly with things like hot spring retreats, hot tub and dance, tantric sessions before dance, massage therapy and cuddle rooms.

These events sound to me like they're deliberately designed to facilitate hookups, is that an accurate interpretation?

 

[itwillhappen]

Dear Diary...

...yesterday I was at an event in a historic town hall with a very good tango sextet. Of course, in such a setting, there were quite a few attractive women in my age group, who, however, had the disadvantage of being better at smiling than dancing. Since I've found my life partner and was there with her, I can take it all in stride.

Of course, most people, both women and men, aren't there to find a life partner, but to dance, or at most, to make social connections. Yes, "deniability" is a major advantage of tango over dating. It is helpful to consider the personal circumstances in which the desire for tango started.

At least for tango classes, the effort and cost are comparable to eating out. But you don't gain weight from dancing repeatedly as you do from eating in a row. Unless you have a talent for dancing or using a knife and fork, both situations can feel humiliating. And depending on the environment and your own expectations, you'll be looking at dozens, if not hundreds, of potential partners.