In the interest of full disclosure: I met my girlfriend in tango. I didn't go there looking, but that
is where I met her.
I do go to milongas to make friends, though . . . I work from home and have done so for 29 years, I lost the majority of my longtime friends in my divorce, and most of my free time outside of work is filled with tango; so, it's "at the milonga or nowhere" for me, when it comes to finding friends.
Aha, that's different from some of the places where I dance! I frequent four places with some regularity, and they're like this:
• Like some relative's (large) living room, with sofas and quaint art. Everybody knows everybody . . . the majority are retirees, so it's their social club. "Young" people like me (merely in my mid-to-late 50s) are treated like grandchildren and even called "dear." Constant mixing.
• Like a loft with a bar. Feels vaguely clandestine, but that's calculated. Everybody mostly knows everybody. The host and hostess are very welcoming. There's a wider age group, so there's some separation by generation, but not much in the way of true cliques. Prevalent mixing.
• Like a dingy bar. Actually
is somewhat clandestine (the police were there at least once). Much like the previous case, but with less gracious hosting, so less prevalent mixing. The host is of Latin American origin and so are all his pals, so there's the Spanish-speaking clique and "everybody else."
• Like a
huge loft with a bar. Feels commercial. Lots of cliques. Very complicated "table geography" . . . where you sit decides everything about you, whether you're aware of this or not. Not a lot of mixing.
There are other places, of course. I don't avoid them for social reasons, but either because they're too far from my home to get to easily or because the floor is physically terrible (e.g., linoleum over concrete).
Sounds like I've been lucky . . . I have tango friends who share drinks and meals with me outside of tango, invite me to visit their towns, introduce me to their children and grandchildren, etc.
Sure. For me, part of the challenge is
making the tanda work despite limitations. Limitations can include a so-so DJ playing so-so music, a not-so-hot floor, a far-too-hot room, me being tired or upset about stuff in my life, other dancers having bad floorcraft, and yes, all the potential partners dancing at a low level. I do my best work when I have a challenge to meet. If it's all "easy" – perfect room with a perfect floor, dancing to perfect music with perfect partners around other perfect dancers – it feels fake and unfulfilling for me.
Some since I started dancing 11 years ago. Most since the studio where I used to work closed 7 years ago. Nearly all since before the pandemic, call it 5 years ago. Hard to put an "average" on this, but I'd call it "8 years or so, on average."
None . . . I dance with people because it's enjoyable, but enjoyment isn't strongly tied to level. It's tied to personality above all else. To avoid lower-level dances that become unenjoyable, I try to dance with those people when all the other factors aren't challenging. For instance, we recently had our not-very-regular big tango ball where
everybody showed up, but I limited my partners to people adept at small-spaces dancing with all feet on the floor.
All attend at least a couple of milongas a week. Most manage 3-5 per week, like I do; some consider my 3-5 per week "light," and aim for 7 per week (i.e., every evening). They are, for the most part, milongueras.
Call it 7-8. Last night it was 8. More than once, though, I've been at a milonga with 20 tandas, taken a couple as breaks and so danced 18 tandas, and had to skip someone and promise them a tanda next time.
Oh, I communicate with more than that outside! There are a few I always dance with but don't stay in touch with outside, and a few I stay in touch with outside but rarely or never dance with. Part of the former is because some of them hate social media; part of the latter is because they're in, you know, Turkey or France, not Canada.
