If my husband is gone when I'm 80 and I can still dance, I'll hire a taxi dancer. I won't be uncomfortable. Who cares what people think? I'd rather dance than come and sit there not dancing.
The stigma attached to this is unjustified and unjustifiable. I'll be honest:
When I worked as a part-time barman and the role balance was off, my employer (female, follower) took my place at the bar, said she would pay my hours while I danced with the sitting women, and afterward gave me the bar tips. At a different milonga, I was often admitted for free and given free drinks in return for dancing with sitting women. I've even had women I don't know well insist on picking me up, driving me to a milonga, paying at the door, and driving me back afterward in return for lots of tandas with them.
Those feel like things that could happen to any clean, polite leader who doesn't have two left feet. The line is
irrelevantly fine between "paid by a third party" or "paid in kind," as above, and "paid directly by a partner," as for a classic taxi dancer. In a court of law where I live, were we talking bribes or other illegal payments, all of the above would be considered equally admissible.
And to be clear, I'm in a monogamous, non-swinger couple* and this is strictly dancing. There's no attached expectation of "extras." I've never felt that vibe from people I was paid to dance with, admitted free to dance with, engaged as a partner for, etc. By contrast, I've definitely had an "I want extras" vibe from certain people I've invited socially. A few have been utterly inappropriate.
I'm totally convinced that if goods or money change hands, the
sole expectation is "I will dance a lot." I'm also totally convinced that "I might go home with this guy" is something that happens primarily when
an ordinary invitation to dance is construed as greater interest.
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* My girlfriend wants to be my agent, and has already asked me why I don't charge for this, by the tanda and by the evening.