ArbeeNYC
Forum Master
We shouldn't have any expectations -- period.
What is tango doing wrong: #1 - tandas
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pianistamediano
Forum Master
Rather, I think having the ability to deal gracefully with unmet expectations is worth far more than trying to suppress the formation of expectations.
ArbeeNYC
Forum Master
Umm. Maybe. However, if you don't have them in the first place, you won't have to suppress anything. I think it makes for a more enjoyable evening overall. But it's a difficult state of being to adopt consistently.
pianistamediano
Forum Master
I'm not in favour of suppressing something that comes naturally like having expectations, I think it's ultimately unhealthy. Let the expectations come, and let them be; they might go, they might remain, but they are what they are, and accepting that expectations can be fulfilled or unmet will rid them of any power they have over your self.
opendoor
Forum Master
So true! I do that all the time too. Years ago, a well known follower asked me why I never ask her to dance. I replied that I only see her dancing with Robert in apilado and with a lot of lean. That's not good for me! If you only had mentioned that earlier, I can also dance tango de salón, was her answer.
Agree when it is other people!!! Those illogical irrational beings.
For me it is always a first criteria
*said in jest*
My graceful dealing is to take break from milongas and only go for ones featuring live music these days. At least I can enjoy the music and my expectation is not that I will be dancing
Depends on expectations about what. If people are going to milongas to dance, I think it is reasonable expectation that they don’t become invisible. I know a few who give up because they feel they are invisible. That is no one asks them or no one seems interested in dancing with them. As I mentioned before I seen that expressed by men and women.
You surely don’t expect people to have zero expectations of getting any dance when they go to milongas? Because that does happen. Frequently. That’s the ugly underbelly of tango. We need to acknowledge it.
This!!
That’s why dancing with a range of different people is so essential. So others can see you dancing. When I dance with a certain follower, I might only dance a certain way.
What you say is what I find greatest drawback in Tango. Inability to have that conversation which she had with you in a milonga setting.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
I wasn't referring to you personally, but rather to the general view that choosing a dance partner should be subject to similar requirements as choosing a head of state: meriocracy.
And of course an organizer chooses his team according to his preferences; there won't be a Europe-wide tender for the job of a DJ like there is for building a motorway. If the guests don't like the music, they'll just do something else than attending.
That notwithstanding, I think the belief that Argentinians are generally better tango dancers or even teachers is racist. There was practically no tango there for 30 years; everything had to be rebuilt for tourists with tourist dollars. Of course, it's possible that younger dancers benefit from the infrastructure and their relationships there and therefore became really good.
So you always have to look carefully to see whether it's just the people waiting in the second row who want to replace the people acting in the first row.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
Becoming invisible is really hard and may be unexpected!
But I think then it's worth looking at the rest of your life. There are people who go to a bar and quickly make contact with other people who are appearently also there to talk. But I personally am not one of them; I become invisible there too. And I won't go from chair to chair asking why. So usually I'll not enter a bar alone.
Given such prerequisites, I should ask myself why exactly things should be different for me at a dance event (even if there may well be answers).
Other than be a decent or a skilled dancer, what else do you think is required to be visible at milongas ?
It happens in many ways! Sometimes people are shunned (BO, unpleasant personality, think they're too good, or just consistently abysmal without improvement, etc)
In a recent post elsewhere an 'old school' tanguero was complaining that a good tanguera he was with didn't get invited at a milonga. I had been planning to invite her (been occupied dancing with others), but she spent the whole session talking to, and looking, at this same guy - with an occasional dance with him. I'd thought of inviting her at another recent milonga where she turned up - again spent the whole time talking to, and looking at, the guy next to her (who, strangely, didn't dance). She left early, on her own, without a dance. IMHO she'd made herself 'invisible'.
I don't think it's about being particularly good, or really skilled, it's about looking to invite, or be invited. That's not about cabeceo, although that is an element. If you're talking, grazing your phone, eating, or similar, you're not really available to dance.
Appearance. Being aware of your own external image. Self-confidence. Social skills. Looking like you actually want to dance.