What to do?

How old are you/she, how long have you been dancing and how long together, what type of dancing do you do, what level, what other commitments and goals outside dancing do each of you have?

What you described could be anything from a bad day to a realization that the last ten years of her life have been a path she's no longer interested in - and you haven't really told us enough to tell the difference.
 
To answer those questions:

Few years gap, early 20s, we've been dancing together a little over a year, level 1 and no real other commitments, although she messes around with a number of other sports socially, and I play the odd tennis competition.

Initially I thought it might have something to do with her deciding competition's not for her, but if that were the case she wouldn't be coming back from each competition determined to work harder to get better results. Or I thought so.
 
Um, have you read many of the threads/posts on DF? There are plenty asking for interpersonal advice.
 
Did I miss the memo ? -- when did we turn into Miss Abby ?
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Indulge me for a moment, if you please. Where, exactly, am I going to find a better confidential outlet to ask a question like this thread without real risk of people I don't want to know the contents of the question in real life finding out?

It's a dance forum. I assumed there would be people here who understood something about dance-based relationships to offer some advice, and no thanks to you, sir smug smartarse, I feel a little better about the situation. Thankyou, to the rest of you.



Is either of you attracted to the other?
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I really wouldn't have the slightest clue what she thinks. For my part, yeah I think she's gorgeous, but I'm much more concerned with the partnership, so I've not done anything about it, nor did I have any plans to. I was pretty happy with how things were.
 
part of the equation in weighing the issue at hand is identifying what the issue at hand really is...ultimately OP will make a decision about whether this is a dance issue or a relational issue, and he will make the decision, but it is fair for him to consider it and fair for us to help him...and I beleive he has what he needs to consider now
 
Sometimes, there can also be other things going on that can lead someone to temporarily hate something they used to love.

For example, Jamie Silverstein and Justin Pekarek were US Junior National Champions in ice dancing in 1999. Then Jamie Silverstein quit ice dancing. She had an eating disorder, and she had come to associate that with her skating, though she later decided that skating wasn't the cause after all. She has since gotten healthier and returned to ice dancing (albeit with a new partner).

I'm not saying your partner has an eating disorder, but simply that the problem may not be you, or your coach, or anything you can control or fix.

Good luck dealing with whatever challenges lie ahead.

ChaChaMama
 
It could possibly be that she is just burned out. I have felt that way before a big competition or times that I am doing so many things in my life along with dancing. I start to feel like I hate it and have never liked it. Usually after I do a performance or competition, I remember all of the things that I love about it and I feel better. Sometimes you just have to sit back, take something that is stressing you out or burning you out and remember why you like it. When I start to feel burned out towards dancing, my husband and I will go social dancing and just have fun. This reminds me why I like it so much and it feels less like a job or a burden when I go to practices. I think that some people have higher burn out rates than others. Perhaps you are practicing more or getting ready for something big or she has so many things in her life right now that are creating too much stress?
 
fascination said:
my guess is that something else is up and she is wanting you to pry it out of her...I would ask her for more details and be empathetic and see what happens...as for what you can do to change the situation, that is so sweet and so like a man, but truly, much as she might like you to rescue her, there is nothing you can do to help her feel differently other thatn to challenge her to examine the situation in a rational way so that she does analyze whther she can change her sentiments or whether she should stop dancing, she will hate that btw...:rolleyes: I could just be firing in the dark, but that is my hunch...good luck...just keep talking and dancing
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I agree. My son is onto his 4th partner - his ladies keep moving away. His 3rd partner had enough she said of dancing and wanted to give it away. He waited for about a month to see if she would change her mind. He got a new partner and guess what - the third one said she wanted to dance again. 12 months later she is still looking for a partner and is now very upset that she gave it away. Mummsie
 
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